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The life and weirdness of Kim |
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Who is Kim? Heck, I don't know, but I am trying to figure it out. For the important facts, see: "Invalid Entry" 
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| Kimberly's mother made her reason for her dislike of my living here clear over the past couple of days. She did so when she asked Kimberly if I was going away this weekend. I am not... I have to work, but Kimberly is going to her parents, leaving Kevin and I here alone. LMAO OMG!!!! Kim's mother is freaking out because she thinks that Kevin and I will be fooling around. I was upset and angry until the absurdity hit me -- and I remembered something Mark told me last night about just letting other people keep their crap rather than accepting it when they dump it on me -- and now it's just hilarious. Forget that I am not the slightest bit attracted to Kevin or him to me... forget that I am not looking for anyone, and if all I want is an orgasm... I can go elsewhere... but damn! LOL That lady has issues. Stealing another woman's husband is the lowest act, the most dispicable thing I think a woman can do to another. I don't care what the issues are... if a man is attached in any way, he is off limits. No matter what. That is the line that I live by. Here's the tragically funny part... why is Kim's mom worried about it? Because she cheated on her husband with his best friend, eventually divorcing her husband and marrying the best friend. Don't saddle me with your issues, lady. So, I was upset, but completely shook it off. She can say whatever she wants now... she doesn't have a clue, and it is all about her. I am just a prop for her to vent at. Good for her... I hope it makes her feel better. People are so weird. |
| Yay!!! I made it back into aqua-fitness this afternoon. Tried last night but they had the pool closed for cleaning. It felt good, but now I am in pain again. LOL I had just gotten to where I wasn't really stiff after every class when I got sick. Oh well. It was still great. The instructor kicked butt! I love it when we get someone who pushes and makes us work. I feel great. That was the grounding that I was missing during all this upheaval lately... the sanity of just going out and working my body until it was tired. Remarkable how well that centers me, calms my brain... let's me see things with clearer vision. And that's important right now because I have a major decision ahead.  |
| Wow, the past several days has brought good and bad, here and there... but overall, good normal stuff. Kicking the hormones couldn't possibly have hurt. LOL But just living is a great thing. I have a tendency to allow myself to go back into my head a little too much. I used to live there almost entirely because I was quite literally immobile and lived in an 8 x 10 room. Of course, back then, all I had going through my head was stories, novels, how many dogs I had to paint. There were no real life concerns, so I was on a completely numb but even keel. These days if I get too much into my head, I have all sorts of things to worry about. Which path is the best one for my future. Is what I want to do the best thing for me to do? Yesterday my business went through the expected upswing. I knew it would. And it did so in a major way. YAY! I was happy, but not crazy happy. LOL Just felt the weight lift... a great feeling. Mark asked me if my life was manic or if it came from within. Hmmm... my life has its moments when I feel a lot of weight, but I wouldn't call it manic. It has just been floating for the past six months... ever since living with my parents became impossible. And yes, when I feel like the next wind could blow me away... I don't care for that feeling. BUT... here's the big but... my life other than what I show on this blog and what I let Mark see because I trust him with the crazy... remains entirely the same. I get up at the same time, I do roughly the same amount of work... I don't sleep as much, but no one around me ever sees any of it. My current roommates are all but oblivious to the things I am going through. I see no reason for it to impact their lives, and definitely no reason to let it impact the baby at all, so I just live and rant here. But really, I am not a flake. Really. |
| (how can you tell that it is the joyous time of the quarter that I have to take my pills? LOL Sure, it is great not having PMS every month, but this three or four times a year thing... it's not fun.) Anyway, on with the rant! People do not honor committments enough. I am guilty of it, although hopefully not too often... but sometimes it drives me nuts! For example, Mark is running a contest... "Invalid Item" 27 people signed up, only 3 dropped out officially, and yet only 8 entries out of the remaining 24 writers. That is a really sad statement about committment. Sure, it is a WDC contest... and yes, it requires the use of imagination to create a brand new short story, but it featured an amazing prompt that I found inspiring enough that I think my short story may someday become a novel. It has better prizes than most contests, a reasonable deadline... heck if I managed to get a story written this week, anyone could... there just isn't any reason that at least 16 writers shouldn't have turned in an entry. The same thing happened with Raw. The first round we had more no shows than I anticipated. If you are going to commit to a contest, either a) stick to your committment or b) withdraw officially so that the contest organizer isn't left wondering what went wrong. Grrrrrrrr!!!! ARGH!!!! |
| I need to write this in lines, like in sixth grade when I got caught talking in class. Maybe that will stop me from reading too much into things and then making an ass of myself. But... I'm not holding my breath. Calmed down now... still bummed, but calm. Stopped crying. Hopefully that will remain the case once I try to go to bed. It's just that I spend most of my time dedicated to helping other people... doing whatever I can... to be accused of trying to take advantage of people is the worst thing someone could say to me. It really hurt a lot. |
| Sometimes I wish I didn't even bother getting out of bed. First of all, the tension around here is getting weird. It's like I can feel that everyone wants me out, but keep telling me that they want me here. Then tonight, Kimberly has me drive her downtown, and tells me on the way how her mother thinks I am taking advantage of her and Kevin. I'm so upset that I can't even think because I am trapped here. I couldn't even manage to hold a conversation with anyone. Dead silence on the phone... mostly dead silence on IM. I don't want to whine at people endlessly... not that you could tell from this blog... so... when I can barely see the computer screen or talk for crying... how can I talk about anything? And then the people hang up on me. Great. Now I can't even go downstairs because I am still crying... can't let them see that they are messing with me like this. I am trapped and for the life of me, no matter what I try, I just seem to sink in deeper. How am I ever going to get out? My life feels like emotional quicksand. I can see where I want to be... I can feel it... but I can't get out of this quagmire to get there. I don't know what to do now. Maybe I should just get rid of the car as fast as I can... I just don't know. |
| Doesn't it always seem that when things come at you, they come at you in a landslide? It always feels like standing at the edge of a cliff, seeing a wall of mud and rock and torn up trees coming at you. Of course, somehow I seem to have a talent for jumping out of the way at the last minute... but that doesn't negate the moments of frozen panic while the wall of debris is coming at me. Bought this car, spent way too much money getting it and registering it, etc. But, I managed to find the bucks to send off the emergency orders for my best client, and I managed to pay my fees for the YMCA... very important considering that I have only been in the pool three times in the past month... anyway... called the insurance company and they told me that I should put a stop payment on my insurance payment rather than it bouncing. Only thing is... they didn't give me the exact name that the payment would be coming out in... so I paid the stop payment fee... and it still bounced costing me another 55.00 in fees. Still, this problem I can avert... narrowly. No problem. Went to the doctor yesterday because I can't seem to get the rattling chest portion of this cold to go away. Half an hour later I leave with mild pneumonia and about 100.00 worth of prescriptions I can't fill. LOL I hate doctors. Personally, I think that the breathing problems have more to do with a filthy house full of cats. I just haven't adjusted to living in this poor air quality. The reason I think this is because of the lack of breathing issues I had while away in Toronto getting my car. Then today I get my ebay invoice... 230.00 in a couple of days or I am shut down until it is paid. *SIGH* Plus I have 100 orders that still have to ship at a cost of about 200.00. So, right now I am frantically listing my best sellers on ebay hoping to scramble together enough to avert this crisis as well. It will all work out. I know it will. It always does. God and my business always come through for me in the end. I just wish I didn't have to go through the staring mudslide in the face moments that preceed everything working out. However, something good did happen. I took Chuck (my car) in for an oil and lube job yesterday. He is very happy. AND... it came with four months of North American free roadside assistance. Woohoo! That will be very handy when going south. |
| Woohoo!!!! LOL You poor poor slobs, reading your way through 101 entries of my drivel. Well, congrats on surviving it. I luv yah! Ran errands in my car today. I checked all the fluid levels yesterday and they are all insanely low. Grrr... so, tomorrow I shall go into walmart and buy everything and start pouring. LOL Then I shall check every other day to make sure that they aren't leaking. I do love my car though. Awesome car. Handles great... of course this is compared to a 1995 mini van... not my last Porsche.  I solved two of my minor financial disasters today... got the big order sent off, and made sure my YMCA payment was deposited. Now I just have to call and either a) cancel my car insurance, but that is a last resort or b) set the payment date back a week so that I actually have money to cover it. Then there are only a couple more disasters to handle. Chipping away... one tiny insignificant crisis at a time. LOL |
| Okay, so you know I had to be travelling because everytime I do, it turns into an adventure of disturbing proportions. First of all... because I haven't insured a car in seven years, my insurance for an 11 year old car, being a driver for 21 years with nothing but basic liability is 1900.00 for the year. The downpayment: 325.00. Cash total to date: 325.00 I left the apartment yesterday at 12:00 noon, headed to the train station. Got there, took 400.00 out of the ATM... the first installment of trying to get enough cash out to pay the balance of my car's price. So then I start getting paranoid... I hate carrying a bunch of cash. Cash total so far: Train-63.00 cab to train-10.00 total:398.00 I got on the train and was about 1 1/2 hours out of Toronto when I realized that I had forgotten my inhaler. Never a good plan for an asthmatic. However, I was breathing fine, and had hope that it would stay that way. If not, I figured I could always hit emerg and they would give me one. Arrived in Toronto feeling great, went to the cab, took about 20 minutes for the cabbie to figure out where my hotel was, and we were off. Checked in, ordered supper. Cash total continued: Taxi to hotel: 25.00 Hotel room: 80.00 food: 15.00 Total to date: 518.00 Ate, went to bed... couldn't sleep because I saw the cash situation getting grim. The ebay listings this week have just covered the ebay fees. Woke up this morning a little wheezey, but did some meditation exercises and it eased up a bit. Sat up in bed, stretched, my hand drifted down onto the blanket... and hit a crusty white patched of dried goo. They were all over the blankets. (I intend to raise hell with head office because that is a freaking massive health hazzard and all the front desk clerk said was, Oh dear, I'm sorry.) Back into a cab and off to the home of the man from whom I purchased my car. Cash total con't: Cab: 15.00 New total: 533.00 The first thing I notice about the car is rust on the back wheel wells. This was not shown in the pics on ebay. I am not impressed. I knock on the door. Man comes to the door and we introduce ourselves. He wants me to pay him. I ask him for the receipts for the muffler repair and emission test I paid for. He says that there are no receipts. I say of course there are... you pay for a service, they give you a receipt. he says, no problem, we will go get a receipt from the man. We get in the car and head off to the muffler shop. He gets out, goes in, a few minutes later is back, gets into the car and says, "You pay like 50.00 you get receipt." I said, no way. You don't get charged for receipts. He says that he has to pay the taxes if I want a receipt. It becomes clear... he paid for the repairs, etc under the board. Damn. So, he no doubt took me for about half of the 150.00 I paid for those. I lectured both him and the mechanic for unethical and frankly illegal business practices... we left. We get back to his house, he shows me the Used Vehicle Info packet... the last name on the list isn't his... I say, hold on here, buddy... He replies that he didn't transfer the car into his name to save on the taxes, etc. but that I should trust him. At this point, I try to call Mark because I want someone to either say, "Hell yeah, go with your gut, try to get your $$$ back and run," or... "Yeah, it's common, don't panic." Mark isn't there and I can't leave a call back because I don't know the phone number. The man starts telling me that I should come into the house and he will show me that the rust is in the pics, etc. I resist, not wanting to go into a strange man's home with 1000 cash in my purse. So, I call Kimberly and tell her the address where I am and if I don't call back in 30 minutes, she is to call the police. He laughs at me and tells me that I am too paranoid... I figure better that than dead. He takes me inside the house, down these old back steps and into his single room in the basement... it is a disaster area... is this supposed to make me feel better about the transaction? It doesn't. I spend 20 minutes trying to make him understand why I am nervous about entering into a contract to buy a car from a man who commonly uses shadey business practices, lies about the car's condition even if it is minor, and is dodging the law by not only not registering the car in his name, but driving it in this state. He doesn't get it. I try Mark again... no answer, so I called my mom. She said to go ahead with the deal, but only if everything went through the ministry of transportation okay. At this point, I figure that the 650.00 I have given him so far is gone if I don't go through with it... so... I hand over the cash and we head off to register the car... which runs really pretty well as far as I can tell at this point. Engine is quiet, no blue smoke, no oil or transmission fluid stains under it on the drive... transmission doesn't hesitate... nothing there sending up flags, just the guy. So, it is registered in my name... he says that he will throw in 10 bucks worth of gas to show me what a good guy he is. Woohoo!!! Took me 50.00 to fill it. Cash update: Registration and taxes: 159.00 gas: 40.00 New total: 732.00 He says on the way back he will check the tires and oil for me as I have a four hour trip home ahead of me... he never does. We get back to his place and he is changing the plates over when a cop car drives up. That's right... a cop car. It is from the document serving department. He goes over and talks to the cop... appears to be telling the cop that the person he is looking for lives elsewhere. The cop looks at me and nods me over so I go. He is asking for the man standing right in front of him, but Noor is lying through his teeth saying that his name is Arif... I confirm his identity for the officer. Noor tries to shove me back to the car. I return. The document the officer is serving is a notice to appear in court because Noor was pulled over by the cops and refused to identify himself. In my car of course. I ask the cop if it has anything to do with my car as I have just purchased it. He says it does not. But I am not amused by the lying... he lied to a cop for god's sake. I figure at this time, get in the car and get the hell out of there. If worse comes to worse, I can sell it on ebay where I bought it. I play with all the electric stuff... all works but the AC. I ask him about it as he told me it worked. He said he didn't tell me that it worked, I say that he sure has hell did. I then thanked him for the education and drove home. So far, I love the car, but I am in such deep financial shit right now... Note the total... way more than I figured. I somehow have to come up with 400.00 by Tuesday... no idea how I will do that. And that folks... was my day. BTW: Never needed the inhaler. LOL Longest I have ever gone without needing it. |
| I just finished watching a movie called, "Because of Winn Dixie". It is the story of a little girl and the dog she finds. Sweet story. It made an amazing point about sharing ourselves and our lives with each other. These days we don't ever really share ourselves at all. Why? Because we try to hide the bad stuff. We all have bad stuff that happens every day in our lives, but when we meet one another on the street, or here online, and the other person asks us how we are, our answer is always, "Fine. I'm just fine." We tell ourselves a lot of reasons for why we do this. The other person is just being polite and doesn't actually care if we are fine or not, we don't need to bother or burden them with our troubles because they have enough of their own, we don't want to air our dirty laundry...etc. etc. etc. The list of reasons is a long one. But what are we really doing when we say that we are fine, and talk about the weather? We're isolating ourselves. We are locking everyone else on the other side of a door, and then we wonder why we are so alone in a crowd. The little girl in the movie says that her town started going wrong when people stopped sharing their sadness, then later on says that it really was when they stopped sharing their joy. But I say that if we don't do one, we can't really do the other. People don't burden me when they tell me their troubles, and I will pry and poke until they do, because when they share their sadness with me, they give me a tremendous gift... they let me into their hearts. Nothing makes me feel more loved or needed or valuable as when someone lets me into the sore spots. Even if I can't do anything to help, I know that sharing that load even a little does them some good. And that, does more good for me than I can ever possibly explain. Here's the really excellent part... when they share their sad places with me, and I can share mine with them, something amazing happens. You've heard of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts? Well, sharing our hearts does the same thing... somehow instead of heaping their burdens on top of ours, and ours on them... it makes the whole load lighter. It makes it all easier for all of us to carry. So why do we shut each other on the other side of that door, when opening it would make us all so much happier? |
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I believe it.
Congrats, Kim! Glad to hear your wedding went well. I wish you a wonderful marriage and lots of love for the both of you. 
