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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is my family updates blog. I'm sorry to say that it's moved to Facebook. If you would like to continue to read about my life, you need to be my Facebook friend.  |
 So this Marine cut me off and then gave me the finger...on base...in uniform...to an officer. I thought that was incredibly ballsy. LOL Must have been a bad morning!! I was in shock, but not awake enough to follow him and confront him about it...although my JAG friend said I should have to tell him that he was disrespecting an officer and he should be reported to his supervisor. Oh well...it was almost too funny for all that. Also of note...I encountered the worst smelling elevator ever. I know my sense of smell is really sensitive now that I'm pregnant, but I change nasty diapers all the time, so I would say my tolerance level is pretty high. It was empty when it came to my floor, but I stepped in and I swear something died in there. Something died and was rotting in the floorboards. Either that or whoever just left had the worst BO and the worst flatulence problem ever. The only thing I could think of while I was riding down to the first floor was how awful it would be that people would think it was I that made it smell that bad. My replacement came in today, so I got to give him the scoop. I'm excited they're giving me someone to train up...and two months early at that!! In a month I'm hoping he'll be spun up and I can just bide my time getting stuff ready to go. YES!!! This Craig guy is a Naval Academy grad, who is a wash-out from flight training. I like him ok because he seems pretty laid back though still green to the whole cryptology thing. One of the first things he said when he came in my office was..."I thought it would look cool like in '24' or 'War Games.'" LOLOLOL Welcome to Cubicleland!RANDOM THOUGHT: Sometimes I think I will read this journal years from now and think...how incredibly naive I was back then. It bothers me even though there's nothing to stop it. |
| I have been feeling crummy. I suspect it is allergies, although I'm not sniffing and sneezing. I just have an awful sore throat and lymph nodes the size of golf balls. Meh... Today I was pounding fluids all day with the hopes that I would feel better, but I probably need more sleep too. I'm glad Chris came home when he did. I was paranoid the daycare was going to call and say Jack was sick too. I just figure if I'm sick, he would be catching something too. But no, he was perfectly happy and healthy when I picked him up...just tired because his nap wasn't long enough. I was so proud of him tonight. We had spaghetti, and I gave him his own plate and mini fork. And what do you know...he actually used the fork. He wasn't an expert at it, but he did manage to get his spaghetti on the fork which I can't imagine is an easy thing to do when you're still a cutlery novice. I was very impressed. He drank soy milk from a cup too. Plus I gave him a napkin at the end, and he wiped his face with it. I am still just in awe!!The weather has been gorgeous here, and I am loving it despite feeling icky. Yesterday we went to the park and Jack had a good time playing in the grass picking up sticks and leaves. We have taken to calling the new baby Cheddar. It started when I suggested Colby as a name, but then it would be Colby and Jack and people would say we had a cheese theme. If we ever had a girl she could be Brie. So of course, now we call the new baby Cheddar. Colby is out. James has fallen from the top three. It was replaced by Lincoln, which Chris suggested and I really like. We are rather surprised by how much we both like that name. Lincoln Michael...I just love the sound of it. And then we could call him Linc for short. But we still aren't for sure decided on that one yet. Eric and Tim are still big players. That's the baby name play-by-play as of today. Baby Cheddar is moving a lot lately. It definitely didn't seem like he was feeling as crummy as I was today. He was conducting his baby business like nothing was wrong...which is good. Believe it or not, I got a first place prize in "Invalid Item"  ...but for a different poem I wrote...not the paper bags one which was pretty silly anyway. I'm surprised! Of course, nine other people got prizes, so it's not like it's anything to brag about. I'm glad the poem turned out okay. |
Ironically, I read an article today about what I was blogging about yesterday - how convenient. It was about a new book out (I think it was Feminine Mistake or something punny like that) about how women today aren't going back to work after having kids...and they should...because who knows when your husband is going to die or leave you. How comforting!  It sounded like the author was a little bit naive. I mean, some people can't afford nannies like she could. It's nice to point out the importance of financial independence, but even if you aren't a stay-at-home mom, the loss of your husband through death or divorce will still be pretty damn traumatic.I would never go so far to say being a stay-at-home mom is not what people should do because everyone's different. I admire stay-at-home moms. I know, that's very diplomatic of me to say. If it helps spice the blog up a bit, I will go so far to say I don't admire starving artists. It just doesn't seem practical. The My Chemical Romance concert is tonight, but I'm not going because I don't have a babysitter and because I feel crummy. I am tired and I'm having those fake contractions that just make me feel uncomfortable. I think I just need to put my feet up. It's been a busy week and I've probably exhausted my body trying to keep up with Jack by myself. I find that when it's just the two of us I carry him around with me and narrate what I'm doing. This was great a few months ago, but he's 11 mos now and at least 20 lbs. No wonder my back is killing me. I'm glad Chris gets back from his conference tomorrow. I tried the new Paper Mario game out for the Wii. It has a function where you can flip from 2D mode to 3D mode. Pretty cool. Made me wish for a super power like that SuperPiggle able to pull power from other dimensions or flip into space-time continuum when threatened. Zuma!! I hope I dream about this tonight when I go to bed. Nothing better than dreaming you have super powers! (unless you are dreaming about having super sex) Last night I dreamt I was a Viking woman waiting for my husband to return from pillaging or whatever. I lived in this cabin by the sea and ate fish mush. Jack was bigger and the new baby was born looking exactly like Jack did. It was oddly realistic. I wonder if it was a past life.  Well...this was just stream-of-consciousness burble, huh? |
| I love genealogy. Most people who know me well, know this and probably have heard any number of family history accounts. Long story short, I am what happens when Pioneers marry German Immigrants. A number of the Pioneers were inventors and pragmatists, and a number of the Germans were entrepreneurs. Between the two of them I like to think I inherited good business sense. It is that part of me, that middle class taste-for-the-healthy-bottom-line part of me, that cringes when people ask me why I don't stay at home and be a writer. I just don't see much money in it. LOL And I know that sounds very materialistic...but it's true. A good many people have asked this. Either they emphasize the stay-at-home mother part of it and add...plus you will be able to write. Or they emphasize the writer part and say...plus you could stay at home with the kids. This would never work for me. I can't write creatively unless Jack is asleep. I can't even write emails unless Chris is distracting him. Even if I could make it work, I'm not romantic about living the dream as a creative writer. I think of people like that and I think of starving artists. I'm not interested in being rejected for years just to perhaps maybe possibly make it big one day. Maybe there's too much of my dad in me. He worked a day job every single day of his life and did his art in his free time. And thank god he did because I'm glad my brother and I got to grow up in a nice middle class neighborhood instead of some crazy loft setup. Plus if I go into technical writing, I will get to write and I'll make money doing it. I have found out that I like writing no matter what the subject is. Isn't that crazy? I never thought that would be true, but it is. It is a nice challenge for me to figure out what people are trying to say and put it in the right words. It's a gift people value more than I realize. Maybe I should have been a journalist after all. The other nice thing about technical writing is there are telecommuting benefits if you find the right company. That still wouldn't solve my problem of not being able to write with Jack around. It's just too distracting. I like playing with him too much. I don't think I could get anything done if I was trying to take care of two kids. I would need a nanny. I am torn about the stay-at-home Mom thing. Being a Mom is fun but exhausting. Sometimes it's a break to go to work. (Also something I never thought would be true.) And it is so nice to go somewhere and talk about something other than babies...to be tasked...to get things done. Being a Mom is very fulfilling, but working brings a different feeling of accomplishment...one that I would find hard to live without. I would probably feel more guilty about it if Jack didn't love going to daycare. He gets excited when we pull up and it's amazing how social babies are. He immediately crawls off to play with the other kids. It's a rare day when he is clingy. I feel bad when daycare is dumb and gives him ice cream, but that doesn't happen that often really. They do a good job. I grew up in a two-parent household and feel like I turned out fine. It can and does work, and I am amazed to find women my own age pooh-poohing the idea. I got to see my Mom work all those years I was growing up, and I feel like I should get to do the same thing. I am lucky and my husband will make a lot of money doing what he loves, but I don't think that's a reason I can't do what I want to do. I'm just saying...that I probably won't be a stay at home mom for long after I separate from the military. I'm just not that kind of woman I guess. |
| Today was crazy busy. I had to drop Chris off at the airport for his conference, and then it was non-stop all day. My account was migrated to a different server so most of the morning was spent trying to login to email and find the documents I was working on. Then I was working on projects all day. My coworker Jeff was wearing his pink shirt today. He says the shirt stirs the deep hatred hidden in someone's soul. All day he fields sarcastic comments about men wearing pink shirts. It's funny how philosophic he is about it. He specifically requested I blog about it. I guess it's true I don't blog about work that often...except maybe to say it's busy. I probably talk about the Navy admin stuff I have to do more than my actual operational office which is composed of civilians and contractors and other branches of the military. It's very typical of what you would find at the Agency. The atmosphere is hard to explain. Cryptologists are very smart but often special people, often pragmatically challenged. Really it's a bunch of nerds. The WoW talk in the elevators. The Magic the Gathering tables in the cafeteria at lunch. The people who stare at the shoes while walking down the hallway. And of course, a large number of OCD symptoms. I have never seen so many people paranoid about public bathrooms. That's why after a whirlwind afternoon, I found myself relaxing in Ron and John's cubicle munching on the peanut M&Ms that Ron always keeps on his desk. Jeff came by to borrow a toothpick from John. (The toothpick in the side of the mouth is a new phenomenon among the guys in my office.) After a few shots at Jeff's pink shirt, John breaks out the Simpsons trivia game. Ah...nerdom! Of course, I don't know any of the answers to the questions, but it's funny that the guys do. We talk about the disappearance of the honeybee population and how likely it is that it's linked to zombies taking over. It's an interesting place to work. I visited Chris's office once, and drew a cat on his whiteboard at his desk with a "beware the spaycekatt" caption. I guess someone thought it was funny because the theme caught on and now in addition to my katt there is spayce...mouse, snake, llamaferet, octogrimace, donster, kacktus, squirrel, mountain, weka, fish, el chupacabra, twinkie...all of which you must beware. They even have an unspoken rule that a person can only have one spayce creature on the whiteboard. Chris says people stop by everyday to see if something new is added and marvel in its magnificence. I did start something profound, huh? I guess every office has its ways of coping. . . . . So anyway...it was a busy day and then when I pick up Jack his face is all puffy because they gave him ice cream at snacktime. I was like, "No, he's not supposed to have dairy!" And they were like..."well, you only put no milk, no cheese." ARGH!!! Are you freakin kidding me?!?! Milk and cheese - that is dairy! What the hell do they think is in ice cream? I couldn't believe it! At least it wasn't as bad as the last time. Only a few hives. |
| So...up until now it's been me, Chris, and Jack...but if you count the cats (1 male and 2 females), technically the male/female ratio of the apartment is even. I was hoping for a girl, so I wouldn't even have to go through the charade of counting cats because we only tell them their vote counts when we are debating fish or pasta for dinner. The ultrasound today says it's another boy. Chris says I could get more cats, but I think I could handle another little boy better than a fourth cat...and a female one at that. He was very much a boy. He had his legs spread apart, and I didn't even need the ultrasound technician to explain what was going on in the middle. I was just like, "wow, that looks like a boy." And he said, "Yeah, pretty certain it is. I mean, nothing's certain until birth, but really looks like a boy." LOL So no need to buy new clothes, just need a good name. Chris's office likes to have silly contests (they just finished the haiku competition), and their next one is finding a name for our baby. I get to be the judge. The "Invalid Item" is starting up. I decided this is not the contest for me, but it is interesting to watch from the sidelines. Today's leading entry is "Invalid Entry" , and it was about babies so it caught my eye. I remember being in college and not wanting any babies. I had a friend who loved babies and pointed them out whenever we passed by one, but I was just "eh." I even married a man who didn't want children...who even "fixed" himself so he wouldn't have children. Can you imagine how many women wish they could say that about their ex-husbands? Yeah, he was nuts so it's probably a good thing there will be no mini-hims around.So years later...I want children...and voila I have one...and soon there will be another...and I feel at peace with my evolutionary duty. |
| My computer stopped working. First iTunes stopped working, and then the whole thing shutdown. Weird. But luckily, nothing was wrong with the hard drive, so the few things I would have lost were recovered. Plus we got the new Vista Windows, so I'm all uber-upgraded. Looks cool, and I haven't found any bugs yet. Yet. I feel like I haven't been in my office for weeks. Of course, last week was class. This week was just so busy!! Monday I was in meetings and catching up all day. Tuesday was spent figuring out the ins and outs of a new project I have. Wednesday I took an admin day and still didn't get everything done...although I got closer. Thursday and Friday I was in a conference all day, so nothing got done then either. It wouldn't be so bad but it got busier operationally...plus I'm organizing the Family Picnic for the Wardroom...plus I took on the extra job I was working on Tuesday. That was writing the Weekly Activity Reports (WAR) for my Navy chain of command. I thought it would be good writing practice because it's a matter of taking input and putting it in a certain format and a certain classification. Chris has gone into serious interview mode. He has two up-coming interviews with contractors here, and Amazon is going to fly him to Seattle to interview with them in person. We have been talking about staying in Maryland too, and I am undecided as to whether it would be better to move or stay. Maryland, as much as I bad-mouth it, actually has a lot of pros. We wouldn't have to move while I was obscenely pregnant. Believe it or not, we could actually afford a house here...although one not as big or perfect as I might have in mind. The defense contractors pay stupid money, and even with a mortgage we would be saving a lot of money. The technical writing jobs here would utilize my security clearance and would put me in a field I am already familiar with, so it would be an easier career move. We wouldn't stay forever, but a few more years wouldn't kill us. Seattle of course has family. A lot of family, and that's a huge plus. The job market is largely computers and software companies, which would be good for Chris. We will end up in Seattle eventually, and a part of me would rather move sooner rather than later. I think we'll know better if Chris gets a couple offers from different companies. I guess if the offers are all pretty good, the question is if the transition will be easier if we stay here a little longer. It's a good question... If we end up moving to Seattle, I think I'll have to get contacts. I hate rain splattering on my glasses. |
| I am reading two books right now. One is The Road by Cormac McCarthy. It's very dark and atmospheric. Here's a quote: This is my child, he said. I wash a dead man's brains out of his hair. That is my job. So it's not a happy fun book, but it's interesting and good reading. Apparently, it won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction today. The other book is The Poet's Companion which is a nice crash course in poetry and has some awesome prompts. As soon as I started reading it, I wanted to write poetry. I feel bad about complaining in my last entry about uninspiring prompts. I think a large part of it is my laziness. I mean, I could probably think of something to write for all of the titles in that contest, but I just don't bother to. Life continues. I was back at work this week after my class. There was a ton of email and taskers, so it was busy all day. Jack has been teething today and yesterday, so it's been Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde baby. I hate to keep giving him Baby Motrin, but it's the only thing that seems to make it better. Otherwise he just sits on the floor and screams...not kidding. Poor little guy! Here's the book links for those interested:
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| alternatively titled....Paper Not Plastic. Occasionally, I look over at "Invalid Item" . I never enter this contest because the titles always seem silly or trite or just not me. Take the first prompt choice...The Long Haul. I wouldn't actually write anything titled this...not that I can imagine...unless it was something like this:The Long Haul I prefer plastic but got paper so there was no handles to haul two weeks worth of groceries to my second-floor apartment. I had to go two at a time, hugging one bag under each arm, like text books, hating the kids in school who made it cool to cover them with brown bags. The bags are thick and stuffed full – a whole bag of cans, because it's bagging etiquette to put cans with other cans like we do for the unfortunate in food drives, bagging pantry rejects with other equally dusty mates, delivering a feast of untouched stewed tomatoes, Hormel chili, and cream style corn. Slightly out of breath, I take stock of the rows of bags on my floor, all standing perfectly upright, not slouching like the plastic ones do or flashing obscenely their contents. It is all anonymous, like masks, like when we were kids cutting holes in bags and sheets and boxes, making an adventure of simple middle class chores like bringing in groceries. I wouldn't actually call this poem "The Long Haul." That sounds like trucker terminology or something. You could probably write a whole trucker poetry series with some of the other prompts - #4. Follow Me, #5. In Cardboard Boxes, and #6. Taking a Detour.  I'd give someone 10,000gps if someone actually does that. Hehehe...that would be awesome!I don't have anything against truckers. A part (small part) of me thinks it would be a pretty cool job. I would probably title this poem "Brown Paper Bags" or something completely obvious. The title did not really inspire me, but this month when I looked at the list as I do every time, I decided "dammit I am going to find something to write about." I'm not sure if I will actually enter this poem. Not sure people feel as frustrated by brown bags as I do. I mean, seriously...even after you get all the groceries into my apartment, I still don't know what to do with them. Plastic bags are nice for kitty litter and dirty diaper extraction among other things. |
| Can't get Akon's "Don't Matter" song out of my head. I heard it a couple of weeks ago and not since then, but it was in my dream last night. And has been in my head ever since. It's a beach song. It makes me think of the beach at least....which reminds me I was going to get hotel rooms for Memorial Day weekend in Ocean City. My TAP class is almost over. I feel like I have a better understanding of the whole job search process, and I wasn't even that worried about it. The biggest thing realized has been that I don't have to do what I am doing in the Navy. A managerment job would make the most sense considering my experience, but really I can do what I want if I am smart and play up to those skills. I made a resume for a technical writer/creative writer job postings, and I was surprised how much writing experience I could actually list. And I don't mean... Entered ten billion Writing.com contests, increasing my GiftPoint balance by 200% and gaining recognition as a Preferred Author Wouldn't that be awesome if you saw that on a resume?!?! No, I mean, all the technical assessments I have written for the Agency...the manuals I have written...all the evaluations, awards, and counselings...all the memos drafted...all the legal documents for the JAGs. If I put my pen to it, it was on my list. Chris has been studying gangbusters for the Amazon interview. It's pretty insane what computer programmers get asked in interviews. It's not just..."tell me a bit about yourself." And it's not just programming questions...it's also math problems and riddles. He had a book with all sorts of sample programming interview questions. I am lucky to get riddles if I have a day to think about it. I can't imagine having only a couple minutes in a 45 min interview. Apparently, Chris did good enough to get the second phone interview. If he gets through that one, they fly him out to Seattle. Cool beans! |
Here is my review of The Glass Castle. LOVED IT!!! Thanks to my Mom who recommended it!
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| I guess it was unfair for me to say Chris is not spiritual. Perhaps he's just not spiritual in the traditional ways. We are taking the Navy TAP class. TAP stands for Transition Assistance Program, and it is all about building resumes, marketing yourself, looking for jobs, career change...all that. It's for people getting out of the military. It is excellent!! I mean, I have read books on how to transition into a new career, but the teacher is very good and the exercises are great. I feel like I will be much more prepared. One of the topics covered today was stress and dealing with the stress of job change. Mr. Munro, the teacher, was explaining that there was six different kinds of stress - family, work, physical, social, emotional, and spiritual - and it was good to have a little bit of stress in each one but not to the point that it's overwhelming. The way he described "spiritual" is that you have methods of dealing with things you don't understand or that are overwhelming. In that sense, Chris is spiritual...he just expresses it differently. The whole point of this exercise was to find your stress level. 0 is no stress, which is not ideal because you don't care. 10 is too much stress and you're freaking out. Ideally you want to be at a 4 or 5 - enough stress to motivate yourself. So this is how I figured mine: Work - 6 - due to upcoming changes and my dissatisfaction with a few things Family - 7 - mostly because of the move and new baby coming and Jack getting better at throwing tantrums Physical Health - 6 - due to pregnancy and dealing with those changes Social - 4 - happy with my friends and social contacts Emotional - 7 - feel under control except when hormonal LOL Spiritual - 6 - not completely satisfied but I feel like I could be if I spent more time on it The average is 6 which is probably pretty healthy considering everything going on. I am not really worried all the time, but I have moments of uneasiness. I would say this is a pretty accurate assessment. I wonder how stress levels will change as time goes on. Another thing they taught us today was how to set goals...which I always thought was pretty straight-forward. But apparently, I don't think long-term enough...or crazy enough. Mr. Munro said that you should have a BHAG - Big Hairy Audacious Goal. This is something that everyone says is crazy. I'm not entirely sure what my BHAG would be, but I'm thinking it should be something having to do with writing or owning my own business. Your BHAG sits atop this big mountain, and of course, all your career choices have to help you climb this mountain. So if I wanted to be a bestselling novelist, I should probably tailor my resume and job search to writing jobs which I have been looking at. This is not professional poet but more technical writer which is a hot commodity in Seattle, and in fact a quick job search pulled a number of postings that looked really awesome to me and I'm bummed I can't just go and apply now. (I mean, realistically I shouldn't apply until October timefram after I have the baby.) Until then, I guess I should just keep networking and really give some more thought to my BHAG. Chris's BHAG was to own a video game software company, which doesn't surprise me. And really I didn't think it was that crazy of an idea. I think he is incredibly talented and could do it if he focused his efforts. He's all excited because he will get to implement all these TAP class techniques immediately. He has a phone interview with Amazon.com Thursday. What I was saying earlier about Jack and tantrums is true. It's like what they say about the terrible twos except he's not even one yet. He has this particular way of screaming that he has started using recently, not for pain or discomfort, but because he does not get his way. For instance, I mentioned yesterday the bottle-to-sippy transition, so I gave him his formula in a sippy cup for dinner tonight. It was like the world was coming to an end, and we were failing him as parents in a hundred different ways. He kept throwing it on the ground or drinking from it and spitting the milk back out. It was ridiculous because I have seen him use it, and I know he is just being stubborn. After he ate all his food and he still didn't want the sippy cup, we said he was done, and when Chris got him out of his high chair, he got down on the ground and rolled around screaming. I mean, it was so frustrating and he was being so unreasonable, that we had to snicker. He drank 8 oz (instead of 5) in his good-night bottle before going to bed because he refused to drink anything for dinner. |
| It was Easter yesterday, and AMC had a Shirley Temple marathon on...which is what Jack and I did to celebrate yesterday morning. Well, a couple eggs were dyed as I experimented with the formula and different levels of fizz I could generate from mixing kitchen liquids with Easter egg dye tablets. I also cooked a big ham which is still mostly sitting in the fridge as Chris, Jack, and I (and the three cats) couldn't make much of a dent in 7 lbs of pig. Jack's still too little for talks on what it means and all that jazz. Plus we just don't have a church. I really miss church sometimes, not because I feel like I am sinful, but the ritual was very comforting to me. I didn't want a church here in Maryland partly because I don't feel like this is home. I knew I wasn't going to be staying here long, and I didn't want to get involved in a community that I wasn't enthusiastic about. So much of church is community...for me at least. When we settle in Washington, I would like to find a good church and go once or twice a month. I think that's as much as I would need to remind myself of the experience. I wouldn't make Chris go. Maybe he would anyway. I wouldn't make him go until I heard from the kids that they didn't have to go because he didn't go....then I would change my mind. Chris isn't religious...or spiritual really. I think he is uncomfortable by church and religion, or maybe he just chooses not to consider the what-is-God sort of questions. When I met him, he didn't know much of the real Easter story or why Jews celebrate Hanukkah...stuff like that. It didn't matter to me because he is a good person. I long ago concluded that rmorality does not need a religious base. You can find perfectly good moral people like Chris who aren't religious. And by the same token, you can find just as many fundamentalist believers who are complete assholes. I am not a religious person either, but I am spiritual. (It's almost a cliche to say things like that these days.) I would like my kids to know the Bible stories as well as stories from other religions. Mostly I would like them to go to church with me often enough to feel comfortable in religious and spiritual situations, so when they are confronted by spirituality or those religious stories, they won't feel out of place. I want them to be spiritually curious like me. Hmm...so that was all very serious and deep... Jack seems to be teething again. He doesn't want to drink his bottle today or yesterday, which either means he's getting ANOTHER tooth. Or he doesn't like the flow. The flow is very important to this kid. It has to be perfect. He doesn't like the Level 2 nipples but the Level 3's are too fast, so we end up mutilating nipples to get something in between. Sometimes he will take a sippy cup...sometimes not. It's getting to the point where I just want to only give him a cup and say figure it out. He's almost to the age where he should be weened away from the bottle anyway. I don't want to deal with bottles come September when the other one comes. But I guess we'll see. It snowed Saturday morning...in April. That's pretty ridiculous. Nuff said there. |
| I agree with what people were commenting on in my last entry. The variety of prompts was nice for the FTL contest. I do wish most contests on this site were more social. I'm the kind that goes and reviews everyone else's piece that I enter contests with...and sometimes more than that if I like the person's portfolio. I like to see what else is out there and meet other folks. I get the impression that others don't like to do that. But anyway... Yesterday the daycare had a power outage because some storms came through the area the night before. When I went to drop Jack off, they were turning folks away. So we went back home and had breakfast and played with toys for a couple hours until they got the problem fixed. I got to witness some of my favorite versions of Jack. Jack the Bulldozer Jack doesn't go around. He goes over. If toys are in his crawl path he crawls over them. If I am in his way he crawls over me. Jack the Dentist Jack is fascinated with teeth. He will point at my smile and then touch the teeth and then pry my mouth open and run his fingers along them. It's a little weird...and he's not a gentle dentist either. Jack the Cat Wrangler Fritza is the only cat who will sit still for him. He grabs her feet and tail and ears. Occassionally he will "pet" her, which means he'll roughly run his hands all over her fur. Poor thing...she's a good sport. Today I came by early to pick up Jack and caught him and the others in a middle of afternoon snack time. He was actually sitting at the little toddler table instead of the high chair. His caregiver Miss Dixie was all excited and said I just missed it - he ate a big hunk of cheese. This was a first, she said. My stomach dropped because I know his past with dairy-based formula. But he looked fine, so I fed him the rest of his bottle and loaded him up for home. I thought it was all good until I brought him inside and realized his eyes were getting puffy and then he turned into... Jack the Tomato His whole body turned red with hives. Hives so big they were inches wide. He was so upset he didn't know what to do - he wanted to be in my arms but it was too uncomfortable so he was rolling on the ground. I felt so bad for him. Of course, I immediately gave him Benadryl which knocked it back in about thirty minutes. But he was an unhappy kid for a while...and when you're trying to comfort a screaming baby, that's a long while. NO CHEESE!!! That's what I'm going to write on all the feeding instruction sheets now. I didn't put it on there because I didn't think they would try it without us trying it first, since I told them he had such a bad reaction to dairy formulas and the doctor wanted us to wait. |
| The Follow the Leader journal contest is over...I think. I guess it was alright. I was thinking there would be more chances to interact with other bloggers...but some weren't bloggers, just journalists. I can now see the difference because you get to comment on blogs. Once you get used to the blog world, it's hard to go back. I am not sure I would enter this contest again...although I like having prompts. Not sure about how I feel getting graded on my journal entries. It feels weird like I am not cool enough to have interesting thoughts or something...but oh well... Mostly, it bothers me that I have been journaling to prompts instead of writing about what's going on in my life. This is for posterity after all. So what is going on? Well, it's Chris's birthday. I got him a Men's Warehouse gift certificate and told him he needed to buy a suit so he'll look really nice for his job interviews. I think he's hoping he'll land one of those computer programmer jobs where everyone wears jeans and a t-shirt. That way he can get away with only having one suit. Hehehe... Jack and I both went to the doctor today. I had my regular OB appt where they said everything was 100% normal. I am "looking great" and "right on track." My nurse practitioner is so cool. I had her last time, and we are like the same sort of person so it's nice to go and chat with her every few weeks. So much so that when I got there and they told me I was going to be with someone different, I was pretty much freaking out. "OMG, what happened to Ms Engle? Can I reschedule?" Turned out it was their mistake. Phew! Jack went to see the doctor because he keeps getting these small fevers and we just didn't know if it's this flu the ER told us last week or something new. It turns out that the flu is on its way out but left an ear infection, so that's what the fuss was about. So we have enough amoxicillion to nuke all the little bio-bastards that are still hanging around. This would be Jack's first ear infection, so I guess we didn't know what to look for. He wasn't tugging his ear or anything like the books say babies do when their ears hurt. I am reading The Glass Castle right now. It is like reading a train wreck. You can't put it down because you can't look away. The things that happened to this girl...I mean...they're just unbelievable to me....in a "wow that sucks" nervous giggle way. And it's just one thing after another. Each time I'm left wondering...exactly how does that happen? e.g. How do you accidentally fall out of a moving station wagon into the desert where your folks leave for a couple hours? That didn't happen in the suburbs where I grew up. If you read you'll know what I mean. |
| I don't actually suck, but that is the title of the leading entry today - "Invalid Entry" To be answered The cell phone shudders, rattles along the wood table, vibrating its way to the edge, the persistence of people in desperate desire to make contact motivating it forward, by inches, propelling it toward the owner who left the waiting room without it. Another call and the phone tumbles to carpet, the LED screen blinking like an SOS beacon, a dutifully mechanical buzz pleading to be answered. That was my poetry interlude. Poor lost cell phone! So confused. No one there to answer it. And now...here is why I am a nerd... The topic of cell phones didn't make me think of poetry. It made me think of cryptology school where cellular communications is a whole course, and you get to learn everything about the history of cell phones, their baud rates, frequencies, and how to exploit them. When people learn that I work at the Agency, they think that's what I do all day - listen to people's boring conversations about who's picking up Suzie from dance class - especially since the whole domestic wiretapping news broke last year. That's not what my job is...and I don't read people's emails either. Spying on the American public is the FBI's job. The truth is you don't need a cryptologist to break cellular communications. I used to do that with a regular Radio Shack scanner back in the day with some high school buddies of mine (also nerds). It's illegal now, but you can still buy the equipment. To make that commercially available stuff useful to a tactical unit in Iraq (or for your average terrorist or criminal), it's just a matter of a few upgrades. Maybe a direction-finding tool to tell where the signal is coming from. A power booster to increase range. A low-end decryption tool. None of those are hard to find really...or make yourself if you're good like Mr. Wizard. Cell phones are low-hanging fruit in the signals world. I'd be careful about using them to make top secret plans for your Smokey and the Bandit style booze-run. |
| response for "Invalid Entry" Years ago, a much younger Becky flipped through magazines, ripping out the glossy pictures of starlets and models. The smell of perfume inserts was intoxicating as I ogled designer gowns and perfect hair. It was hard to imagine these presumed goddesses ever wearing sweatpants or picking through the trash that their dog knocked over and rooted through, but I know that it must happen. As I assembled and pasted their pictures into notebooks, I imagined meeting them at parties and on movie sets where I would find them invariably flawed. I didn't ask them questions because they would always be more interested in me. I was famous for any number of reasons in these daydreams but mostly because I was just so damn cool (a point Oprah or Katie Couric would make in my numerous imaginary interviews). I don't have a favorite celebrity. I don't know them well enough to consider favorites. What you read about them is probably only half true - either the good half or the bad half. I like to think that if given a group of non-celebrities to choose from, most of them would pick me to spend a day with because I am still pretty damn cool even though no one interviews me about it. I would make them go out without makeup so I can see their zits, and they would have to do normal people work like...oh I know...that guy who switches the slow/stop sign when a two-lane road is down to one-lane. Hehehe... They probably wouldn't think I was cool then, but I would be treating them like any other "normal" person. I assume that they aren't normal. I mean, they're treated like they aren't normal, so even if they do normal things like clean up their dog's poop, they're probably still slightly twisted because of how people see them. If everyone says you are something, you start to believe them...right? Probably. . . . . I asked a bunch of people this question and no one really had an answer because they don't care about celebrities either. . . . . The Brain...from "Pinky and the Brain." We would take over the world together. |
| The leading entry - "Invalid Entry" - asks us to write in 1000 words or less who we think we are and whether we would like that to change. I can feel the new baby inside me, just the tiniest little movements, as the limbs trace along the lining of my womb. It is so eerie to feel someone inside you. Just like with Jack, I feel like this baby can see all of my secrets and knows exactly the kind of person I am. Even if they forget later after birth, for a brief period they are looking from the inside out. I wish I could ask this little baby who or what I am. I think I know, but maybe they see black spots I have long ago hidden from myself. Some deep soul tumor hidden behind my kidney or something. But the baby says nothing...he or she just flutters...which is nice...because it feels happy and carefree...as if the baby knows but is perfectly fine with it. This whole journal is one long "I AM" sentence. And of course, I am not just one thing, so summarizing it would be pretty hard. Unless I said, "I am a jack-of-all-trades." I always have five or six plans in my head for things that I would like to do, and I would probably be good as one of those people with several business cards depending on what I'm trying to do for you on a given day. I'm not really into "I AM" sentences. I like action verbs. This exercise reminds me of the Sailor's Creed, which we had to memorize at OCS and repeat during mealtimes when prompted by our drill instructors. "I am a United States sailor..." That's how it begins and goes on to say what good sailors do like obey orders and support the Constitution. The Nicene Creed uses "We believe" which I like even better. If I was a religion, what would the Becky cult believe in? I believe in the flawed but happy Becky. I believe in being good at many things and trying all of them. I believe in witnessing nature. I believe in ordered chaos. I believe in self-motivation and a busy mind. I believe change will happen whether I want it to or not. I originally didn't think I needed to change anything, but I am rethinking that now. I would like to make more notes on what I'm thinking. I usually have so many projects in my head that it's hard to finish any of them. I have found that if I just write it down it will eventually find it's way to fruition. If I don't, it buzzes around, gets forgotten, and resurfaces occassionally, but never gets any further. |
This is a response to "Invalid Entry" . This entry frustrated me because I felt like Penemue  was oddly uncomfortable with the whole purpose of myth. In general most holidays, including uniquely American ones like Thanksgiving, are surrounded by myth and popular legend. Although they don't always make sense, myths are profound tools that we use to socialize and teach our children.I personally can't wait until my kids are old enough for me to start telling them the old stories. I particularly love the pagan parts of today's holidays because they are connected to the seasons and what a more beautiful way to order your life than as to what nature is showing you. But the Christian traditions are just as lovely and sync up nicely for me. I think it is all how you put it. If you don't want to talk about the cruicifixion of Christ, then don't. I hate the cruicifx myself. There is something truly twisted about wearing a torture device around your neck. But the beauty of Easter is that Christ is reborn. And yes, I don't 100% believe in the resurrection as a historic fact, but I love how it works so beautifully with the Spring as a season. Everything is resurrecting after winter. Same goes with explaining eggs and rabbits. Perhaps a child is too small for talk of fornicating bunnies, but symbols of fertility are really just symbols of life and rebirth of the Earth every year. And if they don't get it the first time, maybe they'll have a deeper understanding next year. It amazes me that these sort of things give other people angst. I know exactly what I will say, perhaps because I am very comfortable with my own individualized form of spirituality, which I reached after much study and thought. Perhaps people who don't know how to answer the questions of their children should figure out what they believe themselves. I think our society does not know how to celebrate. It's like so many people observe a holiday because everyone else does and maybe they should too. If that's why you're dying eggs than it probably doesn't matter how you explain the Easter Bunny to your children because you're way off. Life isn't fun all the time and it is nice to have reasons to have fun. We should really use these days to celebrate and find meaning in life. If you don't like the traditional reasons, find your own. After all, some folks in Australia buy chocolate Easter Bilbies, an endangered species, instead of Easter Bunnies. Talk about a fertility symbol taking on a whole new meaning there. This whole entry is just pissing me off. I really have no patience for people who insist on getting so wrapped up in tradition, they don't even know why they're celebrating something. It's just...so...so...argh! Ridiculous. I'm done with this topic! |
| Written in emulation of Problematic Content ! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wGR4-SeuJ0 I'm a much better Vader than this guy. He doesn't even look like he could take out one zombie, let alone a mob of them, in order to save the hordes of screaming survivors that would be raiding his store. Grocery shopping is awful! You have to go through the whole store and pick from tons of crap on the shelves stuff that you can only half-stomach in the first place. There's usually some old lady offering a plate full of some nasty mildew-ridden samples that's probably been sitting out for days. The check-out clerks are all retarded, forcing you to use the self-checkout which pretty much never works right and probably overcharges you. I'm usually too lazy or apathetic for grocery shopping (or too busy being a kickass pirate). Did I mention, I  Jodi!! |
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But I am happy about those Cardinals! The same Cardinals that I'd written off as possibly the worst playoff contestant in history just three weeks ago. Now look at 'em! I'll be pulling for them in the Big Game!
Stupid Ravens.
