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 |   On a daily basis... things that bump around in my head and make me go... hummm! |
My new blog:
This is not just a collections of personal musing but it is a place where I can vent. Talking about daily events on the local, state, and national scene is my way of letting off steam so I don't come home and kick the dog! We are all the Captain of our own "Ship of Fools." We go where the current of the times take us and we do what we must to be able to sleep at night. Now this Captain will speak his mind about that current and about the ocean on which we each sail....... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** {image: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** PLEASE MAIL ME YOUR VOTE FOR BLOGGER OF THE MONTH OF AUGUST. This is a shot of Me and Mel at our wedding. We were married in a simple ceremony on a deck overlooking Lake Livingston. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I am so proud of my new Siggy which was made by the very talented vivacious   . Thank you so very much for all the effort that went into this.** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This was taken from the wall in the Blogville Post Office. If you see this fugitive, please do not approach, he is armed and stupid. Contact the Blogville sheriff's office at once, then take cover! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** } ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
Off topic today: I just want to draw everyone's attention to the fact that Mel has started writing in her blog again. PLease go check her's out.
I have a question for the readers today. Hands in the audience.... How many of you out there in Blogville can remember a time when it was rare to see someone carrying a cell phone and how many of you can remember a time when there was simply no such thing as a cell phone? I have said it before and I will say it again: Cell phones are the tool of the devil! For those of you who don't believe in God or Devil, please read that last sentence as: "Cell Phones are really nasty things!" Think about it for a minute...can you see what these communication companies are doing? They have convinced you that you can not do without their product, the cell phone. Once they have you convinced then they slam you with "calling plans" and contracts whose wording would confuse the authors of the Federal Income Tax Laws. Now you have the dang phone nailed to your side or resting in your purse...what happens? I'll tell you what happens, PEOPLE CALL YOU WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD.....and you answer the phone. PEOPLE CALL YOU WHILE YOU ARE SITTING IN A MOVIE THEATRE....and you answer the phone. NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU ARE DOING....you answer the phone. You have been conditioned like Pavlov's dog, you can't help yourself. And, when you answer that phone they really stick it in and break it off. If someone calls you long distance THEY are charged for a call and you get minutes taken off your cell phone too....YOU BOTH PAY FOR THE SAME CALL...they get you coming and going! Where else would we stand still for that kind of double-dipping? The dang Cell phone companies aren't content to just take your money with simple phone calls...nooo....now they convince you that you HAVE to have a phone that not only makes phone calls but connects to the internet, sends text messages, plays games and music! Okay...am I the only person in the world who thinks its silly to send written messages on a telephone? IF YOU WANT TO WRITE SOMEONE USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR SEND A DANG EMAIL! Oh and to do all that stuff with your phone...it will cost you extra...BUT THAT'S OKAY...YOU NEED IT! Bull Cookies. If I want to listen to music I turn on my stereo, if I want to send a written message I use email or write a letter and if I want to make a damn phone call I will do it either from a phone booth or wait until I get home! Doing anything else is just plain silly. Oh yeah, and am I the only person on the planet who is tired of those insanely aggravating cell phone ring tones? I swear to God if I hear "We will Rock You" as a ring tone one more time while I am TRYING relax in the break room I am going to go Medieval on someone's butt! If you have made it all the way through this blog and still not sure how I feel well let me break it down for you.....I HATE CELL PHONES! TURN THEM OFF, YOU ARE ANNOYING ME! I waste enough money on my own, I refuse to buy into the whole Cell phone craze. SO THERE! Now if you will excuse me, I have to go call Mel on her cell and get her to pick up some bread at the store..... WHAT? OH HUSH! It's her cell phone not mine! |
| Ahhhh...now this is nice! I got all this space free now, my blog is my own once again. After 10 entries dedicated to a fictional trip down the Mississippi river, I can now get back to just spewing whatever is lying close to the surface of my distrubed mind. I want to take a moment to give credit to my buddy CC, who came up with this idea. I want to just say here that doing this story with CC was a real treat for me. The man is a comic genius, though he would be the first to scoff at this idea. You see, putting aside all the high-brow dissertations and expounding on what comedy is, what you have left with is a very simple rule.....IF IT MAKES YOU LAUGH..ITS COMEDY. In a future blog I plan on delving into the differences between HUMORIST and COMEDIANS but today I just want to point out that our friend, ccstring is definately a comedian of the first order and it is a shame he isn't actually getting paid for making people laugh out loud. ****************** This morning I had the opportunity to help Mel. Seems it was time for our two babies to visit the Vet and because they are both growing by leaps and bounds and Mel is no longer able to handle both dogs by herself, I "volenteered" to go along and give her a hand. What a learning experience this was! I mean, who knew to dogs, both simi-teenagers in growth, were such babe magnets! I was blown away when I walked into the Vets office holding both leashs. The place was full of young ladies who worked there and a one young thing who was there with a pet. When we walked in the door THEY ALL MADE A BEE-LINE TO THE PUPPIES! They were all ohhing and ahhing over the cute puppies and petting them and asking me questions about our babies. Now Sherman was eating it up. He thought all those people were there just to pet him and he took full advantage of it....MY KIND OF DOG! As all these girls flocked around my boys it suddenly occoured to me that I could make a mint renting these two furbags out to guys who wanted to meet chicks. I mean, what an ice-breaker! I can just see some Bubba renting Sherman and taking him to the park for a "Walk". Some good looking girl comes by and stops to admire Sherman and the Bubba says: "Hi, would you like to pet my dog?" "Would you like to Play "honeymoon?" Yeah....that'll work. I could be a zillionaire in no time at all. Of course Mel knows how to kill a mood. As I sit there in the waiting room holding the two dog's leashes and the ladies gathered around us, Mel said: "Go ahead and pet them all you want. TWO of them have had all their shots and are harmless, but I can't vouch for the OTHER dufus!" ******************* Well that's it for this first CC-FREE blog. I have enjoyed catching up on all of my favorites and I have enjoyed boring you with my daily misadventures. |
| September 15, 2004....From the Journal of CC..... Final Entry: I can tell ya this today…I guess if I would have stuck on this dang animal skin outfit at the start.. Tor would have been much happier all the way down the river…He has been smiling and in a good mood ever sence I jabbed dat Varmit on my head. But let me tell ya folks…DAT STUFF WILL MAKE YA STINK !!!! Yesterday I had enough and tore dat stuff off and hid it in a bag…WERE IN DA SOUTH !!! and MAN IT’S HOT !!!! Ole Alice Crockett up there just keeps callin me a dang SISSY !!!! CC this AIN’T HOT !!! shoot over there in Texas I know it’s got to be 10 or 15 degrees Hotter…This AIN’T NOTHIN !!!! Well I might have heard the last part but my left ear JUST MELTED OFF THE SIDE OF MY DANG HEAD !!!!! GOOD GAWD !!!!! these folks live in a OVEN !!!!! It’s been weeks…YEARS !!!!...DECADES !!!! from the time we left them nice PUNKS in St. Louie… And I have been a dang Mountain Man the whole way…Slept on the ground…Chewed fish…swallowed nuts and dang berries… and NO DAR TERLET STUFF !!!!....I’m a shell of the man that left that lake up in the North… And up in the front of this dang canoe is the darn HAPPIEST FREAK I EVER SEEN. COME ON CC !!!! Perk UP !!!....I know we got to be close to the GULF.. Let enjoy the time we have left together… Well IT SO DANG HOT !!! I couldn’t talk cause I had my tongue hangin out 7 FEET draggin the thing in the river in hope it would lower my body temperature a few degrees ! I had stopped paddlin even… I think my eyelids melted to my eyeballs cause I couldn’t even BLINK !!!! CC LOOK AT THIS !!!!!!! OUCH I screamed in shear PAIN !!!!! WHAT TOR !!!!!! GAWD !!!! Did my eye just fall out ?!?!?!?! IT’s THE GULF !!!!! THE GULF !!!! WE MADE IT !!!! WELL I got to tell ya I jumped up and looked…And sittin right in front of us was !!!! (WAIT !!! let me blink a few times) DA DANG GULF OF MEXICO !!!!! I fell back in the seat…. We made it TOR !!!! We DANG MADE IT !!!!...I jumped back up again….WE MADE IT !!!!!! Well I ran up at Tor to give him a HUG…(hey all men hug when unbelievable stuff happens) Well I went to grab him…But My foot sliped and POW !!!! I ran right into TOR and den he wobbled a bit and SPLASH !!!!! OVER HE WENT IN DA GULF !!!! WELL DARN !!!!.....I looked over the side for aleast a few BUBBLES fro my BUBBA BUDDY…But the man didn’t even leave a ripple in DA WATER !!!! CRAP !!!!!!! Dats when it hit me…..TEXANS--------DON’T------FLOAT !!!!!!!! CRAP !!!!!!! Well that SUCKS !!!!! I flung myself into the water and headed down…DOWN…DOWN !!!!... NO TOR !!!!!.... Well even with me livin on the water all my life I needed AIR !!!!.... But I kept sayin….or thinking… (cause I didn’t want no water suckin in my mouth)….A little futher…just a bit futher…just a…. CRAP !!! I’m drownin !!!! AIR…AIR….I need air. Up…UP UP I went…. I almost blacked out when I bust through to the surface…I rasped for air in my lungs…. AND POW !!!!!!! TOR SMACKED ME IN THE HEAD WITH A DANG PADDEL !!!!! OUCH !!!!! Well I couldn’t hear all he was sayin but…I caught the part about me tryin to Kill him and the part about him whackin me again when I got back in the Canoe… WELL he didn’t hit me he grabbed me under the arm and drug me back into the Canoe…I fell in the bottom spewin water out of my lungs and gaspin… I was just about to pass out when my eye caught a look t Tor Face getting close to mine…WHAT DA HECK !!!!!. He grabbed my darn nose and tilted back my head…WHAT DA HECK !!!!. HIS DANG LIPS WAS COMMIN AT MINE !!!!.... ALICE !!!!!! LET ME GO YOU SUCKFACE !!!!!! YOU AIN’T FLINGIN AIR IN ME !!!!! I’m ALRIGHT !!!!...DANG YOU WAS GONNA …GONNA…WELL….JUST LET ME UP !!!!! Well Tor let me up and POW !!!!! he hit me in the HEAD !!!!!.... I THOUGHT YOU WAS FULL OF WATER !!!!! I WAS JUST TRYIN TO HELP !!!!.... I DID’T WANT TO FLING MY LIPS ON YOU !!!!!.... Tor was reaching back with his fist to whack me again when we heard. Boooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhb………Boooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhb. Well I looked around and saw !!!!!!! MY DANG RIVERBOAT !!!!!!! COMIN RIGHT AT US !!!!!! Well me and Tor watch as it pulled up not 15 feet from us….MAN IT WAS SWEET LOOKIN !!!!!..... Good ole Malcom leaned over the rail and said. MR CC. I have two first class cabin up here left….We are about ready to head back north….How bout it….YOU READY TO GO !!!!! WE GOT TO GO NOW MALCOM ????? I got to make sure (CC pointed at TOR) this guy gets a ride home… Malcom looked at Tor and said…..MR.TOR SIR…Why don’t you just hop on this Riverboat with me and Mr.CC…And travel back up north… I can get ya a plane ticket back to Texas from there…..WHAT DO YA SAY ????? Well Tor looked at Me…then back up at that boat….then at me….boat….me. He turn to me and said… I got to get Home CC…You Go.. I’ll paddle my way over to Galviston by myself…I’ll be OK. Well Mel leaned over the rail on the third deck and yelled…. TOR GET YOUR ARSE ON THIS BOAT !!!!! EVERYONE KNOWS YOU CAN’T BE LEFT ALONE !!!!!!! MEL !!!!!! I YELLED !!!!! You are a dang SAINT !!!!! HOW DID YA GET HERE !!!!! HOW DID YA KNOW !!!!!. WELL DARN IF ALL them DOORS DIDN’T OPEN…and out of the cabins EVERYONE came out on deck….. TOR just about BUSTED OUT IN TEARS !!!!!! ALL OF YOU GUYS !!!! came out and yelled at us… DUCKS WERE FLINGIN !!!! FOLKS WAS LAUGHIN !!!!... I tell ya the sight of all our friends from WDC up there lookin down on me and Tor with them smiles and Stuff…JUST BOUT BUSTED MY HEART !!!! TOR looked at me….I looked at him…. Well I went to hug da DUDE…and HE HIT ME WITH DA PADDLE AGAIN !!!!! THEN YELLED AT ME !!!!! CC GET YOUR ARSE ON DAT BOAT !!!!.... WE IS HEADIN NORTH !!!! I have dreamed about spending a few day with all of you … I dreamed of oneday getting together so we could talk and laugh and call Tor names in person…LOL. It was great…. And we HAD A PARTY !!!!!! And you all soon found out… THAT I’M DA SAME FREAK IN PERSON !!!!!... AND TOR REALLY DOES SMELL FUNNY !!!! Hehehehehehee. Well one afternoon going up River I soon saw what I had been lookin for the last few days !!! When I saw that House Barge some into view…I ran up to the Captain and said…HEY PETE !!!! PULL HER OVER HERE FOR A BIT !!!!! Sure Mr.CC….(I hate dem guys callin me MR.CC. but that bunch is HARDHEADED !) Well Tor helped me put that DARN TREE TRUNK back in the water….and I ran to my Cabin and grabbed that Tarp I’d rolled up back in that Building In the darn Pirate dock… Get in TOR !!!! We got sumfin to do !!!! WHAT THE HECK CC…Tor said. JUST GET IN TOR !!!!! I GOT A PLAN !!!! Well the blood ran right out of Tor’s Face….But I got to hand it to him…He just lowered his head and got in the dang canoe and off we went. THUMP !!!!! as we pulled up the the House barge…A old man was there to help me and Tor up on the thing…. HEY I KNOW YOU GUYS !!!! he said… He turned to his wife and said….LOOK HONEY !!!! It’s the funny lookin guys that ran the Pirates off two months ago. I reached down in the bottom of the canoe and grabbed that dang tarp and walked up to him and his wife… I said….Me and Tor got something her that’s yours. Well the man just looked at the tarp and then at his wife.. What you boys got in there he said… Wel I slowly unwrapped the tarp then the blanket…and with care I lifted up the old dudes guitar and looke at it…..Then I handed it to a man with a tear welled up in his eye and said…Sir…Tor and me wanted to make sure you got this back in good shape. His Wife ran over and Hug her husband and then HUGGED ME AND TOR !!!! THEN ON THE RIVERBOAT A CHEER FILLED THE AIR !!!!! as all of your sent your love over the water and into these two fine peoples ears.. Both of them lowered their head a bit and…and….WELL HECK…I was about to bust out cryin TOO.. That man looked up at me and Tor….He nodded his head a bit and said… You boys come back here if you ever need anything…Me and Her….Well we love you guys…Any thing you ever need just say so. WELL YOU KNOW ME !!!! I picked up that dudes guitar and handed it to him and said… SIR… You can do me this… You just do what you was doing the first time I saw ya.. Go play me a song…And have that loverly lady there sing as we head up river. I hear pure love in your play and her singin…Pure love. I looked him in the eye….DATS WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR US !!!!! I grab Tor around the shoulder and said.. LETS GET-TA GETTIN !!!! ALL YOU GUYS CHEERED AGAIN !!!! and as me and Tor paddled back to the RIVERBOAT….We hear the sweetest song that filled all of our heart with what hearts should be full of. LOVE !!!!!!! DA DANG END !!!!!!!!! ROFLOL !!!!!! September 23, 2004....From the Journal of Tor.... Final Entry: I have purposefully waited until my safe return home to make this last journal entry. I did this for two reasons; reason number one being that I wanted time to reflect, to put into perspective, my time on the greatest of American rivers and reason number two, of course was because once that dang riverboat showed up loaded with the citizens of Blogville I had no damn time to write anything! So, in thinking back, do I think this trip was worth all the trouble? Yes. Was the trip what I expected it to be? NO! Let me explain that negative answer if I can. Spending 2500miles arguing with CC, falling into one misadventure after another, fighting river pirates, getting arrested, having to dress in drag and doing battle armed with rubber ducks......all of this stuff I, of course expected. Stuff like this happens every time me and CC get together, its a given. Now I know that CC is keeping his own journal but I bet he "forgot" a few details of our trip after we boarded the riverboat. I am sure, for instance, he failed to tell anyone about the way he took over the wheelhouse of the riverboat and demanded to navigate the river instead of the captain. He insisted that as a REAL river man, he was the only one qualified to guide the boat. Yes, that was "pure CC". No one who knew him was the least surprised when he turned left on the Missouri river then left again on the Ohio river in a vain attempt to find a "short cut" to the gulf. The real captain was reduced to tears of agony, fearing he would never see his loved ones again. The rest of us were also reduced to tears...of laughter! THIS IS WHAT OUR CC DOES BEST! I am sure that CC never mentioned the national contest that someone started, the winner was the person who spotted the lost riverboat at a point furtherest off course from the Mississippi. There were folks up in the Rocky Mountains watching their trout streams for a sign of our boat! CC became the biggest hit since "Wrong Way" Corrigan back in the 1940's. Oh and did he tell you about when he tried to PASS a tow barge on the river? He pulled the riverboat around the big tug that was towing twenty barges and started to pass him. The real riverboat captain was screaming at him: "NO, NO! YOU CAN'T PASS HIM!" but that didn't stop our boy. Halfway around the tug CC spots a sea-going freighter steaming upriver toward us......we missed becoming sammich meat between the two crafts by about six inches! No, I am sure that CC failed, somehow to record these events in his so-called journal but that's okay, after all, like I said before....I expected all of that stuff as did anyone who knew CC. It was only Business As Usual. What I did not expect at all was how much fun it was to finally be able to share adventures like all of that with FRIENDS. Yes, from the moment when that riverboat showed up on the scene loaded with the citizens of Blogville...THE PARTY BEGAN! After CC commandeered the riverboat we painted a big sign to hang on its side, renaming the boat "The Blogville River Queen" in honor of our own Scarlett and her mighty ducks. How do I describe the wonderful experience of finally getting to meet these folks and venture down the river with them....down the river....up the river.....East and West of the river....around and around the river. Remember, CC is at the wheel. Nights were spent around a huge table in the dining room of the riverboat swapping tales and talking until the wee hours. How can one put into words the joy of getting to know such fine folks in person....listening to Forever spin intricate word pictures of her native Africa, laughing as Scarlett shared her stories of merry ole England...ahh, those evenings were magical! I remember one moment in particular. It was about a week after we boarded the riverboat...somewhere between CC's third and fifth wrong turn. It was late in the evening and darkness surrounded our little boat as it forged its way up and down, then back up the river. Inside the dining room we were all gathered, dinner had been finished and everyone was setting around visiting and laughing. I stood back away from everyone and just took in the scene. To my left I saw Party Dude and Gypsy standing together happily comparing notes on Trout streams, bears, mountains and snow and all things MONTANA. To my right, at another table, sat Nada, Wind and the manly Pwilli. Pwilli was showing off his pictures of baby Nicholas. Nada and Wind were Ohhing and ahhing his pictures then Nada launched in on her tales of being a big game hunter. Wind was discussing the idea of making the dining room into a casino.... Over on a small, raised, stage PastVoices, Vivacious, Sultry and Chalaedra had broken out the Karaoke machine and were entertaining us with songs from their vast repertoire. CC had Forever and Scarlett over at another table. He had spread out all these dang maps and he was busy trying to convince these two good ladies that he could PROBABLY deliver them back to their homes via the riverboat...no need to fly over a perfectly good ocean! To their credit, neither lady was buying his story. I let all the talk, the laughter wash over me....this was Blogville right here in this dining room on a riverboat in the middle of the Mississippi river. This was indeed a magical time and I savored each and every second of it. This unexpected gathering of friends is what made the entire fiasco worthwhile. You know, after arriving home and having time to reflect upon the trip, I think that for this reason I would do it all over again...dress in drag and all..... NOT! Note here: So there you have it. These entries were from the Journals of Tor and CC from an alternate universe. It would seem to me that they gained some fame and notority from their adventure and that is good. But, for me....well I think I will just stay away from those dang tears in the space/time continium and stick to my own reality...here in blogvill with all my friends. |
| July 17, 2004 From the Journal of CC...... Well it took me three days before Tor would talk to me again. And ya know most of the times that my thinking has be bad news for him…Well I didn’t feel bad about it for long… But as I look at him now over there sittin by the fire…Well I can’t help but be proud of him… He took one for the team… And he came thru big time. Now I could tell he was ready to get movin down the river..I could see his ears twitchin from sittin here waitin…I told him we couldn’t leave until what was left of them Punks came back.. If we didn’t see what they would do after we trash their harbor and we just started down the river…I explained to Tor that it would be like turning your back on a Big Dog who’s bone ya just stole. Tor didn’t like it but we stayed put for a few days. WELL DEM FEW DAYS IS OVER !!!! VAAAAAAAAROOOOOOOOOOOOM !!!!!!!!! Me and Tor spun around and dove for cover in the bushes just as them four guys in that speed boat flew by…VAAAAAAAROOOOOOOOOOOM !!!!! I looked up to see the operator start to make his turn into the channel between the barges… The next sound we heard was that engine cutting back and then another Huge whine as I knew that guy had that boat in full reverse. CLUNK !!!!! THUMP !!!! followed by a hole pack of yellin and screamin.. I look at Tor and said… Darn Buddy them guys is using BAD WORDS DOWN THERE !!! Ya think they are PEEVED OFF ??? Shut up CC and get in the Boat….Let get this over…I’ve had enough of this CRAP !!! It’s time to go down there and finish this before you start thinking again…And SEND ME DOWN THERE IN A NURSES OUT FIT TO BADAGE THEM UP !!!!! And with that Tor stomped pass CC and headed for the boat. (CC took his hat off and scratched his head) Well I guess this is it then…. I was hopin to get in a few more days of thinking… MAN I COULD HAVE COME UP WITH SOME GOOD STUFF TO DO TO THEM GUYS !! CC !!!!! GET DOWN HERE !!! OR I’M GOING WITHOUT YA !!!! Well I looked around for anything that I might need for PUNK WHOOPIN but….. CC !!!!! NOW !!! Well DANG !!!! So what da heck I just started down to the Canoe and jumped in the back seat and pulled up my console and turned stuff on…I checked under the seat and grabbed a few rubber butts and stuck them up where I could get my hands on um fast. Tor Looked back at me..(GULP) I saw FIRE !! ….FIRE in the mans eyes… (blink…blink) I started to ask him if he was ok…Cause well…It looked to me like he might have popped a Brain Vein or sumfin… IT WAS SCARY !!!! Ya know in that movie Rambo when that Stalone dude had all that Ammo hung over him and he was looking like he was in a bad mood with his muscles poppin ??? Well DAT WHAT TOR LOOKED LIKE !!!!! (well almost…If ya forgot about the muscle and the ammo…and stuck a few years of age on him) Well as I pushed off a thought hit me… TOR WE DON’T HAVE NO PLAN !!!!!! HOW ARE WE GONNA GO IN THERE WITH NO PLAN !!!! HUSH UP CC….YA SISSY… WE DON’T NEED NO PLAN !!!!!…We are just going to bust in the and takecare of busy-ness like they did in the old west…AND WITH THAT !!!! TOR reached under his seat and grabbed up that DANG VARMIT HAT !!! and SHOVED IT ON HIS HEAD !!!!! (blink…blink) OH CRAP !!!!! I said…. HERE WE GO AGAIN !!!!!… well I was paddling but I was also lookin around to make sure stuff was at the ready… Cause this was gonna be a old fashon showdown….(where da heck is John Wayne when ya need him) When we rounded the barge and got a look at what had happened to that speedboat.. I breathed a sigh of releaf cause half way out of the water infront of us that boat was sittin there HUNG UP DRY !!!!! YES !!!! I said. TOR WE GOT UM !!!! Well I could see two dudes layin on the ground not movin much but they were movin..So I stood up and tryied to see where the other two dudes were.. TOR said Look they are walkin around lookin over their hidout . Tor jumped out and tied these first dudes up in a flash and jumped back in our boat and we eased off headin for the other two…(GULP !!!!) (I don’t like not havin a PLAN !!) CC !!! GIVE ME A DUCK !!! (blink..blink) WHAT? GIVE ME A DARN DUCK !!!! Well Tor what kinda Duck ya want ? Ya know I got all kinds of ducks back here…I got Red ones…Blue ones…Black ducks….Green ducks. YA WANT A YELLER ONE ??? DANG IT CC !!! just give me one that gonna make a mess up there where those two guys are STANDIN !!!!! OK BUDDY !! (CC hands Tor one of them RED DUCKS) Just chuck dat up there and then hold on to sumfin… Well Tor yanked the duck out of CC’s hand and turned and LET IT FLY !!!!…Tor and I watch the duck sailin threw the air in a perfect arch head for the dock…DANG NICE TOSS TOR !!! and it hit the dock SQUEEK…SQUEEK_SQUEEK as it bounced to a stop 10 feet away from them dudes.. Well Tor looked up from the bottom of the boat we he had dove to hold on like CC Said to do… The two dudes looked at each other then at the RED DUCK…they started walkin over to the Red Feller. Tor growled at CC…Dang it CC IT’s A DUD…Ya gave me a DUD-DUCK !!! YOU STUPID BUCKETHEAD !!!! Now were gonna get KILT !!!!! CC said… What da heck do ya mean DUD !!! What Ya want that Duck to do it stuff right NOW ???? You didn’t say the WORD !!!! Ya got to give me DA WORD TOR !!! Tor Looked back at the duck and the guy who had NOW SEEN OUR CANOE !!! Tor spun around eyes on fire glaring at CC… WORD !!!!….WORD !!!!….DO IT NOW YOU DANG JERK !!!!. WELL OK THEN GAWD !!!! Your still a tad snitty today Tor. CC pushed the green blinkin button and the Red Duck on the DOCK started Quackin. QUACK-QUACK-QUACK… that spund the two men around and they stared at it. QUACK QUACK QUACK… BOOOOOM !!!!! One guy had shot the poor red duck to bits… Tor spun back at CC… DATS IT ?!?!?!?! DATS IT ?!?!?!?! QUACK !!! QUACK !!!! Ya gave me nothing but a LOUD MOUTH DUCK ?!?!?!?!?! Well Tor what the heck did ya want a Nuclear BOMB !!!! Well something must have snaped in Tor’s head Cause his face got all red and darn if it didn’t look like he was makin his was back to me as if he wanted to RIP MY HEAD OFF !!!! WHEN HE HEARD !!!!! QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK…QUACK QUACK QUACK….QUACK QUACK QUACK…QUACK. A Fluffy yellow duck hit TOR right on the top of the HEAD !!!! THUMP !!!! WHAT DA HECK !!!! Tor and CC looked up in the sky to see SEVEN hot-air ballons floatin right overhead…. HEY CC !!!!!….HI YA TOR !!!!! Well me and Tor saw… DA QUEEN !!!!! hangin out of that BALLON UP THERE !!! SCARLETT YELLED DOWN !!!! HI BOYS !!!! YA BETTER DUCK DOWN !!!! ALL OF US DON’T THROW TO GOOD !!!! And with that the sky filled with stuff fallin out of the sky !!! COVER UP TOR !!!!! I yelled For a good five minutes stuff fell out of the sky and when it eased up a bit and I lifted my head up.. I could hear laughin and cheerin from the sky. Tor looked up too… CC !!!! What in the HECK is goin ON ?!?!?!?! Well all the Folks up in them Hot-Air Ballons were yellin…HI TOR !!!!…. HI CC !!!! Tor Mouth flew open….. FOREVER !!! NADA !!!….WIND !!!….SCARLETT !!… PARTYDUDE !!!… And and and…SULTRY !!!…GYSPY, SCHIP !!…. VIV !!!…PAST VOCIES !!!.. (Tor’s head was spinnin now)….PWILLI !!! .. CHALAEDRA !!!! and and and…. CC jumped up laughin….HOW IN DA HECK !!!! did all you folks get in them Baskets !!!! Well My dang eyes are getting old and I just know I saw just about EVERYBODY !! up in them ballons…. My neck got to hurtin from lookin up and DATS WHEN IT HIT ME !!!! DEM GUYS ! Well I started lookin around for them But all I could see WAS DUCKS !!!! DUCKS EVERYWHERE !!!! I yelled up…WHERE IN THE HECK DID YA GET ALL THEM DUCKS !?!?!?!?!?! ALL OVER THE WORLD CC !!!! VIV yelled down…. ALL OVER THE WORLD !!!! Well AIN’T DAT NICE !!!! FOREVER YELLED DOWN !!! WE GOT TO GO GUYS !!!! The WIND IS TAKIN US SOUTH !!!! WE Will meet you in….fade….fade….fade. What she say CC ? Tor said. I don’t know Buddy…didn’t ya see she Faded faded faded OUT !!!! THEM GUYS ARE GONE CC !!!! they ran off… LETS GET OUT OF HERE !!! WAIT A SECOND TOR !!!! I GOT TO GET SOMETHIN !!! I jumped out on the dock and ran over in building and serched around until I SAW WHAT I WAS AFTER !!! With great care I lifted it up and wraped it in a blanket then wraped it again in a small tarp and carried it back to the Canoe.. What the heck is that CC ? YOU DON”T WANT TO KNOW TOR !!!!! It’s just some thing I have to do after this all gets over with.. CC jumped in the boat and whipped out his Cell-phone and called the Coast-guard and the police so they could come clean this mess up..And find all them guys that run off. Then they headed back to their camp still talking about them DANG BALLON !!! and how all them folks knew anything about this. Well CC didn’t sleep much that night…CAUSE HE HAD A PLAN !!!!! LOL Tor got up and looked around…NO CC !!!… Grrrrrrrrrr. He yelled COME ON CC !!! LETS GO !!!! WHERE DA HECK ARE YA !!! I’M READY TOR…BRING YOUR STUFF…. LET’S GET TA GETTING !!!!! Well Tor came thru the bushes and his mouth FLEW OPEN !!!! his EYES BUGGED OUT !!!! OMG !!!!!! he said. Then he busted out LAUGHIN !!!!! I smiled ear to ear at Tor…While is was all ready to go South in a perfet birch bark Canoe that looked like it just came out of a musem… NO CONSOLE !!!! NO MOTOR ! NO NOTHIN !!!! Just me sittin back there in bran new buckskin mountain man outfit with a fuzzy tail VARMIT ON MY HEAD !!!! Lookin like some dumb goofy throw back from TRUE GRIT !!!! ROFLOL !!!! Tor laughed as he looked around…. This is GREAT CC !!!! Hahahahaha…. Thanks Buddy….Are we Ready ???? I said…. HOP IN ALICE..WE IS HEADIN TO DA GULF !!!!!! Tor Smacked me in the head and jumped in and OFF WE WENT !!!!! JUST LIKE TWO MOUNTAIN MEN !!!!! With the Punk Pirate Wanna-be’s out of the way…Tor and CC were back to the river and headin south….AND STILL ALIVE !!!!!!! LOL From the Journal of Tor.... Just when I thought things could get no weirder.....THEY DID! These past few days have not only seen the final defeat of the goofy river pirates (it turns out they were Yankee transplants from Maryland...go figure), but we have also been visited by the entire peanut gallery direct from Blogville. You can not imagine my surprise when I got bopped in the head by a dang fluffy duck, look up and spot Queen Scarlett and the rest of CC's female brigade floating above us in hot air balloons. As if having all those wimmen up there flinging duck butts with wild abandon, that dang PartyDude was riding along with them...happily handing out ammo....uh...ducks for the ladies to fling. I have to tell everyone, right up front...I hate violence of any kind (except when visited upon the head of CC) and I was shocked when circumstances and 00-Stupid's silly plans caused me to SNAP and go medieval on them dang pirates.....Rambo would have been proud! If I know CC, he will probably try to tell everyone it was the arrival of his wimmen fighters that turned the tide but actually it was something else. In the stress of the moment I reverted to my old BUBBA upbringing and I employed some special Bubba-Ta-Kwon-Do on them dang pirates. This consists of some spectacular spinning, jumping, kicks coinciding with the liberal use of broken beer bottles and bar-stools. THEY DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE! Well, to make a long story short...the pirates were bested, the law was called to collect what was left of them and to heap upon me and CC their gratitude and thanks. Of course this was AFTER we agreed to be on our way down river and out of their jurisdiction EARLY the next morning. Now here is the really weird part: CC WENT MOUNTAIN MAN ON ME! I was shocked. He had spent the night stripping the canoe of his goofy gadgets and getting it all back to normal. The next morning there he was, standing there next to my precious canoe, dressed all in buckskin and sporting a real Coon-skin cap! Use your imagination here, think: Barney Fife in Buckskin. Well I was overjoyed...FINALLY we could get back to our river trip, just the way I had dreamed it would be...historically correct in every way. I have only one small nagging worry....those damn balloons, they were all headed south. Does that mean we will meet up with those Wacky Wimmen and PartyDude somewhere along the way before we are done? OH LORD.......THIS COULD GET MESSY! |
Note from ME: As you read this latest entry and laugh your butt off at CC's portion, please keep in mind that he was put up to it by two ladies....they know who they are...and I am telling you here and now...they are gonna get some pay-back!!!! July 13, 2004...From the Journal of CC The sun just started to dip down to touch the horizon, And Tor peeked thru the bushes while I stuck my head up over a log just enough to see that darn speedboat Bust out from behind the two barges and with a wide sweepin turn tossin water everywhere it flew by us headed back up River. It made my blood run cold seein the four dudes sittin in that boat cause I just knew some poor soul upriver would be seein this bunch of Punks and it wouldn’t be a happy meeting. Tor…CC said. … Ya know I have had just about as much of this as I can take Buddy. I just can’t sit here another day and watch these guy fly out of here knowin folks are being subjected to who know what. We got to do something even if it’s….ummmmm. Well…. Even if it’s kinda…ummmmm. Yeah CC I know….EVEN IF WE GET OUR ARSE’S KICKED !!! Tor said. (CC lowered his head and said) YUP…It’s time to let them know they aren’t alone out here…I think it’s about time they get the feelin someone is watchin them.. I say we hang our tailsections out a bit…And see if we can get them guys to make a mistake. What do ya say TOR ????? (Tor Looks over at CC ) I know I’m going to hate myself later for sayin this …But we can’t sit here the rest of our lives… I would like to get Home before WINTER !!!! So Just tell me what ya got in mind. AND BREAK IT TO ME SLOWLY CC !! My guts can’t take much more of this. Well as CC started talking…Well… CC was talking…While Tor was jumpin up and down yellin and screamin… Pointin fingers at CC and make hand signals that small children are hid from. THEN CC jumped up and started flingin words at Tor and Kickin Dirt and stompin around and pointing at Tor and Pointin at the barges… LOOK TOR !!!! It’s the only DANG WAY THIS WILL WORK !!!! DON’T BE SUCH A BABY !!! Just think of all the folks we will save from these guys… I THOUGHT YOU TEXANS WERE A BRAVE BUNCH !!!! (Tor GLARED AT CC) YOU DANG YANKEE PLAN MAKIN WHACKO !!!! Where do you come up with this STUFF !!! AND AND Why am I always the one that has to do the stuff that your brain spews !!!! TOR !!! HUSH UP !!! Ya know your going to do it…We can sit here all dang night yappin at each other until I make you feel so bad…THEN…You will see that there’s no dang way either of us can think of anything better and then POW !!!! Your going to lower your head and say….OK OK OK !!! I’ll Do it !!! SO !!!! save us some time and just go get ready so we can get THIS OVER WITH !!!!! GAWD !!!! You’ve done far worse stuff then this anyway TOR !!!… And well… If I got to come clean…. I got to tell ya YOUR DANG GOOD AT IT !!!! NOW go get ready and I’ll check the stuff out in the Canoe…Come one down when your ready and we can get this over with. After about a hour CC yelled back up at the Camp… HEY TOR !!! Come on dude we got to get movin…WHAT DA HECK YA DOING UP THERE . (CC mubbles) while I darn near rebuilt this dang canoe of his..He’s been up there a dang hour and STILL AIN’T READY !!!! TOR GET DOWN HERE !!!!! WE GOT TO GO !!!! I’M NOT GOING !!! I feel like a FREAK !!!… OH COME ONE TOR !!!! It can’t be that dang bad…Come on down let me get a look at ya. NO !!!!! CC !!!!! I Ain’t showin you NOTHIN !!!. Tor came stompin down the path cover in a L.L. Bean Blanket wraped around him tight and jumped in the front seat of the canoe in a huff…And just sat there doing nothing….. Well Are ya ready Tor. ???? Yeah I’m ready…I don’t like this one BIT !!! and if you EVER TELL A SOUL I DID THIS !!!! SO-----HELP-----ME------GAWD CC I’m gonna hurt you so bad… grrrrrrrrrrr…….groan……mumble..mubble. OK OK ……OK TOR …. I swear I won’t ever tell Nobody. (hehehehehee…I was laughin on da inside) hehehehehehe. Well Just like the last time Tor and CC floated down real slow and came aloneside the first barge with a thump. Ok Tor….Up ya go…Now this whole darn thing is up to you now…If you don’t keep those four dudes eyes off me while I’m doing my thing…Well.. we are DEAD MEAT !!!! So Get up there and when I give ya the signal do your STUFF !!!! GOOD LUCK BUDDY !!! Well Tor grumbled a few grunts at CC and climbed his way up on the barge and CC pushed off and started for the entrance between the two barges…. CC looked up on the barge and saw Tor walkin up there with that dang blanket wrapped around him and said… Them Poor dudes in there are in for a show…(CC chucled and started up the channel quite and slow) Well I when I got inside and looked around the first thing I did was get that canoe turned and pointed back out the Channel.. Then I reached in my bag of ducks and grabbed out two soft and squishy rubber butts and sat them on my seat… Then I looked up at Tor and gave him DA SIGNAL !!!! HE JUST STOOD THERE !!!! looking down at me and shakin his head NO !!… Well I gave in the SIGNAL AGAIN STRONGER !!!!…DA SISSY shook his head NO STRONGER !!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Well I looked around in the boat for something to CHUCK at him but the only thing I could find was his dang Tree Limb of a Flint-lock-musket-ball-flinger… So I grabbed dat thing up and drew a bead on Tor and cocked the cockey thing… CLICK !!! Well Tor just waved his hands and motioned for me to drop the dang gun.. Then he lowered his head…(I knew he was sayin a few choice words my way)… Then he looked up at the dock where the four dudes who were left there and yelled. HEY BOYS !!!!! I’M LOST AND HUNGRY..CAN I COME OVER THERE AND PLAY CARDS WITH YOU MEN !!!! WELL ALL HECK BROKE LOOSE !!!! them four guys jumped up and before ya know it Tor had Two spot lights on him. AND IN PERFECT TIMING !!!!….OFF FLEW HIS BLANKET !!! I just about fell out of the CANOE !!!! DANG !!!! was all I could get out of my mouth…. DANG !!!!!! I guess it was the spot lights on him…Heck I don’t know…But as I looked over at Tor on that Barge with his hips stuck out to the side and his hand on said hip section.. WELL DANG !!!…. The way those lights hit that PINK COCKTAIL DRESS WITH THEM SHINY THINGS ON IT…GOOD GAWD !!!!… TOR LOOKED LIKE JOAN RIVERS !!!!! GOOD GAWD !!!! Well The dudes on the dock screamed to each other….WHAT IN THE HECK IS THAT !!!!! Followed by…. DO YA WANT ME TO SHOOT IT????? As soon as Tor herd the shootin part he started dancing around up there real sexy like.. And with them lights following him around as he pranced back and forth I ALMOST FORGOT WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING !!!!!! Well I shook my head to get my brain jump started again and turned from the show back to those two boats that were at the dock….I grabbed the first squishy duck and smash sown on it’s head makin sure I heard a CLICK. I stood up and tossed that duck with all the force I could muster and SLAP !!!!! it hit the stern of the first boat and STUCK… Yup like a bug on da windshield . Smilin I grab the second duck and STUCK DAT BUGGER on the second boat… Then I sat down and looked over to see how Tor was doing up on the barge… I THINK HE WAS SINGIN !!!!! OH CRAP !!!!! I have never seen or heard a more un-natural sight or sound in MY LIFE !!!!! I think those four guys had enough of the show too cause I could se them reaching for their guns….DANG !!!!. TOR COULDN’T SEE THAT !!!! Cause the jerk had his eye’s closed and was looking up in the air and he finished the last few lines of. I FEEL PRETTY !!!!! SO PRETTY … GAWD !!!!!! Well I knew the STUFF HAD HIT THE FAN !!!!! I reached up on the console and hit the red Button and the Canoe’s MOTOR SPRANG TO LIFE !!!! (well I told ya I worked on the CANOE !!!! LOL) I hit the light switch and I guess it surprised everyone cause they all just stopped and gaped at me sittin there…. EVEN TOR !!!!! Well after the shock wore off them dude they started for the two boats…I hit the throttle and in second I was yellin at TOR to get in… WELL ALICE TOOK HIS TIME GETTING IN THE BOAT !!!!! GRRRRRRR. So I had to get us the heck out of there quick. We shot out back into the river and about 200 feet from the barges I stopped our Canoe and looked back just waitin… CC WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING !!!!! LETS GET OUT OF HERE !!!! THEM GUYS ARE GOING TO SHOOT US UP !!!! HUSH AND WATCH THIS SKANKY BOY !!!!!! Just then the first Boat came chargin out….I looked down at the console at the two now green buttons blinkin at me…And said a final parayer. AND HIT THE FIRST GREEN BUTTON !!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM !!!!!!!!! Follow Close like by the second Green Button BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM !!!!!!!!! Well we got hit by the spray from it all and ALICE up in the bow was screamin like a girl hold his ears and snotin on himself…When I looked up to see if thing had gone my way… I stood up…. SAAAAAAAAAWeeeeeeeeeeeeT !!!!! I yelled pumpin my fists in da AIR !!!! DAT WHAT I’M TALKIN BOUT…LOOK TOR !!! Tor looked over the see that Both of those dang boat had their stearn sections blow off and would soon be on the bottom blockin the channel and SO CAME THE END OF THE SAFE HARBOR for the LAST SO CALLED PIRATE BOAT !!!! WHAT DO YA THINK OF DAT TOR ??????? SHUT UP CC !!!! get me back to camp NOW !!!! I got to get out of this DRESS !!!… and with that he flung himself down and crossed his legs and arms in A HUFF !!!…. (Blink..blink) WHATS WRONG DUDE !!!! YA DID GREAT !!!! I mean we could have done without the singin..But all in all ya gave them a good show BUDDY !!!! ROFLOL !!!! SHUT UP CC !!!! You better NOT TELL A SOUL BOUT THIS !!!!! Well Ok TOR…. But come on Buddy…We got lots left to do before that other boat gets back and they find out somebody has BUST UP THEIR HARBOR and a few men have run off scared out of their minds by. JOAN RIVERS !!!! ON DA RIVER !!!! DA RIVER !!!! RIVER !!! YA GET IT !!!! ROFLOL !!!!!! Well CC was the only one laughin cause Tor was PEEVED OFF !!!!! They both headed back to camp…And all that could be heard was CC telling Tor what a fine job he did…And that no way could he have done this by himself… And that Tor could burn the dress when he got back to camp. Tor didn’t say a word…Cause he was spittin mad !!!!!! July 13, 2004....From the Journal of Tor I am trying to be calm here. I have just lived through what has to have been the single most embarrassing day in my entire life and of course, its all CC's fault. So what else is new? IT'S ALWAYS HIS FAULT! Okay, okay, I know I was the one who went along with his hare-brained plan but FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY.....WHY DID I HAVE TO WEAR PINK...AND A COCKTAIL DRESS TO BOOT!! How cheap is that? I mean, really, a simple little off the shoulder number by Armani, in a tasteful pastel print would have been sufficient for the task at hand. Oh and can you believe that song, really tasteless. I would have chosen maybe a show tune, maybe something from Cats or Phantom of the Opera, but noooooooo he had me do that stupid: "I feel Pretty" crap! Well the exploding ducks did do the trick, I have to admit that but he managed to let one boat load of pirates escape before he started all his 00-Stupid tricks and now he informs me that we are gonna get them too. WELL I DON'T CARE! I JUST WANT TO GET THIS DANG TRIP OVER WITH BEFORE I AM CHARGED WITH MURDER! As I write this, I can't help but wonder what other little tricks he has up his sleeve. What next, does he dangle me from the gondola of a hot-air balloon, shoot me from a cannon....WHAT? There is only one thing I know for certain right now: The next time the two of us go on any kind of trip I am tying him into a burlap bag with two eye holes and I ain't letting him out until the damn trip is finished! OH GOD...HE'S ON THE DAMN CELL- PHONE AGAIN! MOMMY! HELP ME!! |
| July 11, 2004...From the Journal of CC As the sun busted light over the river in the early morning the only sound other than what mother nature stuck in the air was the sound of Tor grumblin about all the stuff they had to pack in the Canoe. CC !!! we don't need a four room tent !!! CC !!! We don't need no dang COOKIN STATION !!!!. CC WE DON'T NEED...DON'T NEED...DON'T NEED...DON'T. TOR !!!! HUSH UP !!!! GAWD !!!!! LOOK AT YOURSELF TOR !!! Don't ya FEEL Better? You sure do Look better.. And with you takin that dang BATH !!! Well I almost able to smell the grass and flowers again. (CC looks at Tor's outfit) Hahahahaa... I know those Pants and boots feel kinda strange to ya but you give them a few days and I bet you'll come round to them just fine. Now I asked Tor to finish up the packin in camp while I went down to the canoe and did a little fixin up on our mode of transportation.. I chuckled softly while thinkin about what I was about to do, knowin Tor was gonna have ANOTHER FIT about some of the stuff I had stashed away. AND HE DID !!!! GAWD !!!! He yelled and whined CC !!!! this is a darn CANOE !!!! You can't do this kinda thing TO A CANOE !! It ain't right !!!.. THIS AIN'T NO DANG COAST GAURD CUTTER !!!! Well I just let him freak-out while i dailed in our new Radar slash Sonar console. Doing this wasn't as easy as it sounds because I just had a hard time fittin it in cause of the space takin up by the two small monitors that Tor would be complaining about later...hehehehee. SOOOOOooooo After I hooked up the GPS and the Satelite Communication link... I tested all the release pins that would fold down everthing and keep that stuff out of sight until I needed it. I have to tell ya I smiled when it all seemed to work and I turned to Tor and said. WELL HOW YA LIKE DAT BUDDY !?!?!?!?! Well the dude in the TASTEFULLY GREEN SHIRT !!! just looked at me in a state of shock and a bit of Peeveness and growled.. CC !! I don't know what is flyin around in the little brain of yours that could EVER !! let me know WHY !! You would EVER need all of this stuff BUT !!! I'm just going to sit up here and Paddle and let you sit back there with all that JUNK around you...YOU WOULD THINK WE WERE GOING TO WAR OR SOMETHING !!! I just looked up at Tor and smiled from ear to ear knowing he could see the fire that burned in my eyes. GAWD !!!! CC !!!! (Tor said as he turned around quick and grabbed his paddle) DON'T TELL ME CC !!!...Don't say a word !!. I don't EVEN WANT TO KNOW !!!... I'm just gonna sit up here and pull water with my paddle... YOU JUST KEEP YOUR THINKIN TO YOURSELF !!!!... I DON'T WANT TO KNOW !!!! Well I knew the last few days of change had kinda overloaded Tor's brain section so I didn't try to give him any reason to think much as we headed down the river... For three days it was just like all the other days on the river. We Paddled and Paddled and I guess that helped Tor out cause he got to yappin up there about all kinds of stuff. Heck we laughed at each other and just had a great time floatin South. As we rounded this Huge bend the River became wider and the water became quite.. Hey Tor !! Hold Up !! "What CC ?" I was just gettin ready to tell him something didn't feel right when we both jerked around at the sound of a monster engine coming to life off to the right by two Huge Brokendown Wooden river barges... COME ABOUT TOR !!!! We got to get back up around the BEND QUICK !!! PULL WATER BUDDY !!!! And dang it thats what we did..It wasn't no time and we were tucked back behind the bend sittin there on the bank lookin down at those two barges talkin in low voices. CC Tor said... I got a feelin that we just might have found what we have been lookin for... Yup Tor... That sure did sound to me like the same engine that tossed all that water on us. Well what are we going to do now ? Well Tor we wait till it get dark and we need to float real quite like down there and make sure our thinkin is right Buddy... I'm thinkin we need to get a look at what were up against here. Heck we could have this all wrong..It might just be a dude fixin his fishin boat back there.... Well Tor looked back at CC and CC look up at Tor...Without words they both knew that what was back there makin all that noise was NO DUDE FIXIN A FISHIN BOAT !!! With all the Light gone from the sky now...And with the Canoe unloaded havin everthing not needed back on the bank. Tor and I pushed off and started drifting down river without a sound to those barges... I tried to tell Tor what I had in mind we needed to do down there but he just threw his hands up in the air and said.. CC !! I don't want to KNOW !!!..You just Keep it to yourself...My guts can't take knowin what you are fixin to do... THUMP !!! We came to a halt as we nudged alongside the first barge... This is good Tor.. We can stay here out of sight and not take the chance of being heard. Tor looks back and says in a whisper...CC we ain't gonna be able to see a darn thing from here...How in the heck are we gonna find anything out from stayin here yu duffus ? Well I was lifting up my console and gettin thing fired up with Tor lookin at me shakin his head and mubblin.. HERE WE GO !!! I reached in a bag and took out one of my little friends and held it up to make sure my black rubber duck was in good shape. CC what the HECK IS THAT ??? SHHHHHHHH TOR !!! This my friend.. is the reason we get to stay here and not get ourselves Kilt by going in there... I hit the switch on the console and it came to life...After checkin to make sure my little black Buddy was ready to go I leaned over and sat his Rubber butt in the water. YOU GOT TO BE KIDDIN !!!! Tor Said SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TOR !!! come back here and take a look at this and keep you FACE SHUT !!!! we have got to be quite ya Flapperface !!!! Well as Tor made his way back so he could see the console the duck was makin it's way up to the space between the two barges. Tor eyes went wide when i got a look at the information that i was reading on the monitor. YOU GOT TO BE KIDDIN ME !!!! HUSH TOR !!!!! GAWD !!!! Look at this CC said It's just as I thought...There a channel cut between those barges...that duck is in fifteen foot of water... CC adjusted the night vision camra behind the eyeballs of that duck and with a turn of the joystick his Black rubberbutt turned and head between the barges to see what lay hidden inside. "Where the heck did you get that darn DUCK CC ??" Well Buddy...I made a few calls and had Nada use her pull out there in California to get them CalTec dudes to do some work on a few of my Ducks.. And if them other ones work as good as this one...Well I'm gonna owe Nada BIG TIME !!!. WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT TOR !!!! SHHHHHHHhhhhhhh CC !!!! Tor said Gawd you got a bigger FLAPERFACE THAN ME !!! HUSH !!!! CC stopped that duck in the middle of what looked like a small dock area...And tied up WAS THAT DANG SPEED BOAT... GOT UM !!! CC said. Well that wasn't all they saw in there... Three boats sat at that dock and after makin that duck float around a bit Tor said. Looks like 8 men to me CC. EIGHT !!! After about twenty minutes CC reached over the side and picked up his Black rubberButt Duck and held it up to make sure nothin needed cleaned and stuck it back in his bag. CC thats the dangest duck I have ever seen Buddy.. Ya know maybe all this Crap you got back here might be worth something after all.. What else you got back here ????? Let get back and make a camp back where we left our stuff.. We got some thinkin to do Tor..These guy are no Joke.. I think we might need to make a few calls before we dare do anything. Well what else do yu got CC ??? show me some more Stuff !! Lets get back Tor... We been here way to long already. Well I want to see what ya GOT !!!! (CC looks up at Tor) DUDE !!!! do you really want to know... ARE YA SURE A WANT TO KNOW !!!! (Tor looked at CC ) Your right..lets get back.. I won't sleep if ya tell me anything... I'm better off just...just..well...I'll just be better if I don't know. *************** Lets just say a few days were spent here out of sight with a duck or two swimmin around sendin back information to CC and Tor.. a few phone calls were made and things were coming together for thier next move... Things had to be right... plans had to be made to the smallest detail.... And if you read the first part of this story you would all be screamin... THESE TWO WHACKO'S NEED HELP !!!!!! LOL...and you'd be right on the money...even Tor and CC knew they have been known to screw things up every now and then. So Calls were made...and plans were laid...(blink...blink) DANG I'm A POET !!!! POW !!!!!! OUCH !!!!!! (CC rubs his head)....Tough CROWD !!!!.... that HURT !!!! *********************** July 11, 2004 From the Journal of Tor...... My descent into Bizzaro World is now complete. We have languished the past four days not far from St. Louis close by the site of the River Pirate's camp. I have totally given up any hope of control of my partner, 00Stupid, better known as CC. It is bad enough that he has managed to turn my beloved birch bark canoe into a river-going, Bond attack vehicle, but he has also introduced the use of scientifically enhanced rubber ducks to spy on the pirates....BLACK DUCKS TOO! For the past few days CC has been sticking to the stern of the boat, taking readings from his many instruments and analyzing data brought back by them blasted spy-ducks. When he is not doing that, he has been busy on that stupid cell-phone of his, making many, many calls and taking a few in the process. I don't know who he is calling or what the heck they are planning, he has not yet shared his plan with me.....AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I DO know for a fact that at least one of his calls was to Nada and I did manage to overhear him saying something about CAL-TEC....Its getting more and more scary by the minute. I know CC has some kind of half baked plan to attack these goofy pirates and I have come to accept that....Like I have a choice! My only plan, so far, is to keep close to CC when we do whatever the hell we are gonna do so that I might be able to use his scrawny body as a human shield. Okay, I'm gonna close this now and go find CC. I think, since he calling all these people I will see if he can put me in an order for some Kevlar underwear.....A guy can't be too careful you know! |
| Please forgive this short break in our little adventure but today, being Memorial Day, I have decided to use the blog space today to talk about this particular holiday.(I'm sorry, CC and I promise the story will continue tomorrow) I tried to write this entry yesterday but was unable to put my words into some kind of order which would properly convey my feelings. Today, at work I really thought about the topic and I decided; what have I to lose....here are my thoughts on Memorial day...I hope you can understand them. *************** I do not celebrate Memorial day so much as "Observe" the holiday. I rarely ever go to cook-outs and gatherings on this day. I usually seperate myself from family, except for Mel and I use the day to REMEMBER all those men and women, down through our history who have paid the ultimate price for their compatriots. You see, I firmly believe that countires go to war but men fight those wars and they fight them, not for lofty ideals like Country, Mom and Apple Pie. Rather, they fight for the men next to them. It is for the politicans of this country to find their reasons for conflict, it is for the soldier, sailor and marine to carry out the deed. They fight for each other first and foremost. So I sit here today, slowly sipping on a strong Rum and Coke and let the memories and thoughts of a bygone time flood over me. For me today is a day to remember, quietly. To recall insane laughter in even more insane moments which begged for anything but laughter. To remember and luxuriate in the long ago sounds. The laughter of young strong men all around me. To hear again the sounds of battle, fresh and hot. To hear again the rending wail of men calling for thier mothers in vain, As their life blood spills on foreign soil. To hear my own cries as I fail to save them all. This is how I pay homage to them I left behind, on this very special day. It is not just those from my own particular time of strife I remember but it also those special men of my father's generation....the greatest generation. Those spcial men, those brash Americans who, along with their allies from Britian, Canada, Austrilia and so many other countries, threw their bodies ashore on the shores of France and assaulted Europe in order to save it.....These were the special men of exceptional strength of body and character to whom the world owes a debt of gratitude. So you see, this it the way I choose to "celebrate" Memorial day...to remember, to give thanks for those in past wars and for those serving now, this very day. Some of these men have been with me every day since I was nineteen years old...they will be with me the rest of my life. It is only fitting that I, a man who came home, should give them this day...each year. |
| July 7, 2004...from the journal of CC Ya know jails are not all that bad after sleepin on the ground for a week or two. Even with a heap of people mad as heck at me it still wasn’t all that bad. BUT sittin in a closed up cell with the ever smellin cloud of stenchizum…. I know that’s the only reason I sit here…Back in this tree trunk and on the River again headin South. But South we go.. And yet with a heart that is lighter from being back in this seat with water flowing by… A mans mind can shift to other things, If even he is bathed in sunlight and his eyes hold sights new and full of beauty..While felt and seen there is a kinda hidden thought that holds part of my mind fast and true, a fire burns in a deep place... A place where I know it will not be swayed nor be forgotten. It will just burn…and grow… (CC hangs his head) Tor…CC said in a low voice. HUSH CC !!! CC what the heck am I going to do with you man… Ya know you would think after all the times you’ve just run into something half cocked..And got slammed in the face because you act before you think…I WOULD HOPE you’d learn from all the CRAP you put yourself in. And Yet again This time you have carry me along for the ride… CC my friend I know in your heart you follow a true path…BUT GAWD !!!! Hangin out with you sure does make for a interesting ride. (CC just looked at Tor) And said…So what your sayin is that you won’t mind going after them Pirates wif me…Even if we have to burn a few days lookin for them…EVEN if when we find them we march right up to those PUNKS and look them in the eye so they can SEE that FEAR LIVES NOT !!! in our skin… (Tor just eyes just went wide) LOOK TOR !!!! Your dang RIGHT !!!! I know what I walk the earth with… I can see in things and know what might come… But DANG IT… I’ve also seen life can take things without notice or cause…Yet each day THE SUN WILL RISE ON THIS LAND and it will shine on the Good folks and the Bad… And those who Hide…They hide because of things that keep them from sharing goodness with the rest of us…They hide from things they have done… They Hide from the Laws of this land and the People who would bring them to justice. (CC chuckled) BUT YA KNOW WHAT TOR !!!!! Hahahahahahaaa. I doubt they would hide from the likes of us my friend…LOL !!!! So I ask you.. Should we point this Tree Trunk South and keep our heads pointed to the Gulf…Or… Do we head South with a keen eye and a fire burning from the need to make this right and give us the chance to rid this River of the Slime that Laughed at us and Took what was not theirs to have. OH DANG IT CC !!!!! Tor said Ever Time you do this, it sound so noble.. OH DEFENDER OF THE LIGHT !!!! Come with him and he will save the LAND FROM EVIL !!!! Flock to his sword and he will buffer you from the things that SUCK. DANG IT CC... most of the time I turn around and there you are..Pointin at me and spoutin fowl names and yellin something about me being Dark and evil with a touch of some kind of smelly stuff. (CC smiled) YOUR SKANKY !!!! TOR !!!! And you don’t need me to tell you all the things you’ve done.. I’ll not call you Dark here on this spot today… But I’ll hold you to see that here and now we have a choice to TAKE DARKNESS and deal with it as we see FIT !!! BUT DANG IT CC !!!! LOOK AROUND !!!! LOOK AT US !!!! We are in a dang Canoe with hardly enough stuff to keep us alive day to day…And YOU WANT US to go after those guys with a dang boat that can hit 80mph with automatic weapons by their sides ?!?!?!?!?!?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DANG MIND BOY !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! (CC smiled and lowered his head) Well Mr. Smellyvison… If it won’t break you heart or SOIL MY HONOR to much I must tell you that we might have more items with us that you think… And I know when I show you this you’ll not be very happy with me yet again… All I need is for you to tell me that if givin the chance that ….We…. Will Give those Pirate Punk Wanna-bees a lesson in thinking we are two freaks floatin around in a TREE TRUNK !!!! I KNEW IT !!!!! TOR Yelled…You Cheater !!!! You got stuff I don’t know about and have been keep things from me the HOLE DARN WAY DOWN THIS RIVER !!!! GAWD CC !!!! I KNEW IT !!!!!! WHAT TO YOU HAVE !?!?!?!?! CC said…ARE YA WITH ME ?!?!?!??! SHOW ME THE STUFF CC !!!!!!! ARE………YOU…….WITH ……ME ?!?!?!?!?!?! (Tor eyes drew hard and he clinched his teeth till his head was read as a Tomato) GAWD DANG IT CC !!! you could drive a Marsh-Mellow INSAINE !!! YES I’M WITH YOU !!!!!! GAWD DANG IT !!!! If I don’t get you home to Mrs. CC she would hunt me down and tear my….well…my…Well she’d hurt me real BAD !!!! SO YES I’m WITH YOU !!!!!! (CC tilts his head back and laughs) LOL…LOL…LOL OH COME ON TOR !!!! Ya can’t be mad at me…LOL….Were Buddies… And no matter how Dark and Skanky you are… In your chest lies a heart true to this land and true to everyone in it.. LOL….LOL. OH SHUT UP CC !!!!! Ya know when you talk like that…You sound STUPID !!!! GAWD !!!! (CC laughed) And reach over the side of the Tree Trunk and started Haulin in all the water tight bags that have been towed down river… And as he lifted all of it into the Trunk Tor was Yellin and spittin and tossin cuss words at CC . When everything was in the boat.. I just looked at it all. Ya know Tor if we do find these guys again we are going to need much more than this stuff. And with that CC stood up in the boat a grabbed his Cell Phone from it’s hiding place… WE WILL NEED SOME HELP I THINK !!!!! Well when Tor saw that Cell-Phone his eyes rolled in back of his head and he YELLED….. I KNEW IT !!!!... CC you are the lowest form Of MAOUNTAIN MAN I HAVE EVER SEEN !!!!! YOU DARN YANKEE !!!! GAWD !!!! OH HUSH !!!!! TOR !!!!! You’ve done way way WAY !!!!! worse stuff to me over the years…So just SUCK IT UP MAN !!!! and stop movin around up there !!!! The air starts movin around ya and that make me wanna puke from the stench your flingin . Come on Sit down ….. We can’t do a darn ting until we find this bunch again…So…Lets get to gettin… Tor tuns and gets into his seat and askes…Hey CC ya got anything in them packs to eat….My guts hurt from fish bones… LOL CC grabbed a pack of twinkies and hit Tor inback of the head with um….There ya are Buddy… Ya want some BEER !!!! BEER !!!!! YOU GOT BEER !!!!!!! GAW DANG IT CC !!!!! ****And off the two went…paddles bent on a mission…and Tor yellin at CC like a little girl… YOU GOT WHAT ????...DANG IT CC !!!!!! Off they went…into what…who knows…. (they don’t !!!) LOL ************************* July 7, 2004 From the journal of Tor...... As I sit here at the campfire and compose this entry into my journal I can see CC sitting over on the opposite side of the fire doing the same in his. I wonder what he is writing, though God knows I don't have the courage to try and find out. I can only imagine HIS take on reality and how skewed it is...better I don't know, I believe. Okay, so what do I want to put down here for posterity's sake? After all, this journal may be the only evidence left behind for the authorities to piece together what became of us. I fully expect to come to a bad end at the hand of a bunch of river pirates any day now thanks to my buddy CC and his never ending quest to put me in difficult, not to mention, dangerous situations. I can tell you this....THE DAMN CAMP HAS CHANGED! Ever since CC started pulling in those dang water-tight bundles which have been tied off to the stern of our boat (WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE!) we have lost our Mountain man image. I am sitting here in a dang fold-out recliner for God's sake, just like the one CC has now. Our tent is no longer a lean-to tarp tied to a couple of trees....noooo, the first bundle CC opened was a deluxe, FOUR ROOM tent meant to sleep a family of FIVE. Oh did I mention it has a FLOOR, well it does....damnit. CC prepared our meal tonight. He cooked it one the deluxe WEBBER FOUR BURNER, PROPANE, INDOOR, OUTDOOR COOKING STATION! He even had some of those dang Crabs in one of the bags and he made us his special Crab cake crap which he lives on back in Maryland. He served it with fresh veggies and a bottle of white wine....Daniel Boone was probably turning over in his grave...I'm so ashamed. It that weren't bad enough, he has also forced me to bath in da river and use some of that dang sweet smelling soapy crap that Winda left for us! I'm sorry Davy Crockett....I know I have failed you. So I ask you....what is left for me? CC has forced me to abandon my Mountain Man adventure....He even burned my buckskin pants and my Coon skin hat....he has made me into just another camping sissy! Now I am wearing some dang LL Bean camouflage pants with all those big pockets, a light cotton shirt (a tasteful shade of green) and water-proof hiking boots....I LOOK LIKE A DAMN CITY SLICKER ON A CAMPOUT!!! So what is left for me to do....I might as well go along with his hair-brained idea about finding the dang river pirates, heck all THEY can do is kill me and put me out of my misery! You know I could have taken all of this in stride, I believe, had it not been for that last final slap in the face....That dang buddy of CC's from the Riverboat showed up this evening just as CC was rearranging the camp. HE HAS BEEN TRAILING US WITH HIS DANG RIVER BOAT!! He pulled that dang boat up to our sand bar and brought CC his nightly four fingers of bourbon. He had the gall to inform me that "Master CC must have his night cap EVERY night, it helps him sleep." AND THIS TURKEY HAS BEEN BRINGING IT TO HIM!! I never knew...some mountain man I turned out to be! Okay, no more feeling sorry for myself...BRING ON THE DANG PIRATES! I'm ready for them.......I hope. |
| July 5, 2004...From the Journal of CC..... This entry finds me with paddle in hand slowly pushin this Dang Tree trunk down the river again today. Up in the Bow Poor Tor has made himself a nest and is snoozing away. To my surprise in a few more bends of the great river we should be floatin up to Saint Louis. (CC shakes his head and smiles) I hate to admit this but for the last week or so I’ve had a great time out here. Even with Tor up there soundin like a chainsaw, I have to hand it to the dude he has made it all this way and not once has he broke his Mountain Man ways. Now don’t get me wrong the Dude Stinks ta HIGH HEAVEN and he’s still the biggest pain in the arse I know…But I don’t have any questions as to what kind of man he is or the harness of his skull cause he’s had a hard fight getting all this way and well…I’m proud of the Dude. These last few weeks I’ve tried like heck to stick with Tor and not run off to Beds and a hot meal at night. Heck me and the ground have come to know each other for the last few night and to my surprise…I’ve Slept...and in the morning I even woke up without havin to cry out in pain from the dead feelin in my bones. (CC shakes his head again) Darn ti this trip hasn’t started to be a little fun even. Tor only peeved me off twenty or thirty times this week. And well most of those I know he didn’t mean me no harm, he was just flingin stuff at me so he could see me peeved. So I pulled a few more strokes still freaked out with the thought of really havin a good time. I look off to the starboard and saw a old River Barge sittin with two people sittin on on e of them pourch swings, they were just swingin back and forth and I could just hear to sound of the guitar he was playin…. And I guess it was his wifes vocals that traveled across the water and placea that fine sound in my ears. Heck with Tor asleep I stop with the paddle and just sat back and took in the tunes. I Blinked my eyes open with this roar WHAT DA HECK !!! I shot up and looked back to see this dang power boat screamin RIGHT AT US !!!! DANG IT !!!! TOR !! TOR !!!!! wake up dude and get ta flingin that Paddle DUDE !!!!! This Dang river rocket banked at the last minute and sent a spray of water over me and Tor that just about knocked us out of the Tree Trunk…Well I stood up and yelled WHAT IN THE HECK ARE YOU DOING YOU JERK !?!?!?!?! Well Four hard looking dudes looked over at me with cold eyes and assault rifles hangin at their sides. (GULP) Well they all looked like they wanted to chew my face parts off and just didn’t move. Then one guy looked up at Tor standing there drenched to the bone in his buckskin pants and I guess the water just about knocked off his Varmint skinned hat cause it was hangin off the side of his head and the dang tail was hung over his nose. Well his eyes lit up and he pointed at Tor and busted out laughin and said. HEY LOOK AT THAT !!!! Hahahahaha Who the heck is he !!!!!! LOL. Well all of them took their eyes off me and stood their laughin at Poor Tor… Well I guess Tor could see didn’t have the sense god gave me and was getting ready to jump at them…Cause he said in a low tone… (no cc….don’t move…and shut up). Does he know who he’s talking to !!!!!! But I knew he was right…the only thing I would do is get us both shot…So I clinch my fists and stoof there until I guess they had laughed enough to get thru the rest of the day.. One guy said Hey lets go over there, these two don’t have to sense god birthed them with, Now way do they have anything worth while. Before ya know it that dude made that scarab stand up in a fit of gettin and shot from us and headed in the direction of that river barge house. ANOTHER wall of water hit me and Tor and all we heard over those engines was the sound of those dudes Laughin at us. Well that PEEVED ME OFF and I looked around and found the only thing I could use for a weapon and threw it with all my might and anger…But the yellow rubber duck just squeeked as it puncd of the stearn. DANG IT !!!!!! CC Tor yelled…. Man you are going to get us kilt one day ….Those guys were just waitin for you to say something so they could pound both of us into the River mud… You just can loose you temper like that !!!!. Well I was just getting ready to bounce a few choice words off Tor skull when we both hear this SCREAM !!!! in the house barge I was lookin at before all this happen. GAWD DANG IT TOR !!!! Those Jerks are Hurtin them poor River Folks… TOR looked over to see two men tossin stuff around the barge laughin while one had the Man at gunpoint and the other had the women held tight while she was screamin with all her heart. (Tor looked at CC) (CC looked at Tor) CC said….Them boy aren’t playin to nice over there Buddy Nope Tor said What ya want to do about it Tor. CC growled I think maybe we should paddle our arses over there and TEACH THEM DUDE NOT TO LAUGH AT ME !!!!! LET GET TO PULLIN PADDELS CC !!!!! HOT DARN… I GET TO TOSS ANOTHER DUCK AT EM !!!!! LET’S GO !!!!!! Well Tor gabbed that hunk of wet Varmint off his head and slammed it in a fit of rage on the floorboards of the Tree Trunk and grabbed his paddle. And at the same instant I slammed my butt in my seat and took a breath and started digging deep in the water headin for that house barge. We at the time we didin’t know it but afterwards Tor and I head that a man on the opposite bank of the river saw this darn tree trunk and two guys in it paddlin so fast he thought they had a 150 horse mercury strapped on the back. YOU BOYS WERE FLYIN !!!!!! he would tell us later. But right now Tor and I were a tad busy pullin water pass our trunk and fer sure we were both thinking about nothing but getting over to that house boat… DANG IT !!!! We were within 20 feet of that boat when all four of them guys jumped from the barge and into that Scarab…And we were only five feet closer when it roared to life a TOOK OFF. Tor jumped up with this…this….GAWD !!!....Tor jumped up with this hunk of wood that had to be six foot long…GAWD it was a flintlock Hawken… Man he pulled that beast up and PUFF this little cloud of white smoke went into the air. GAWD DANG IT CC !!!!! WET POWDER !!!! DANG IT CC !!!! Well I was already in motion….I GOT UM TOR !!!!!.... Dat when I stood up and reared back and let um have IT !!!!! SQUEEK !!!!!!!!!! splash …… HAHAHA… I got um TOR !!!!! did ya see that Rubber Duck Bounce off Dat Boat….Hahahaha I GOT UM !!!!!!! All Tor could do was turn back and look at CC and shake his head…. CC…. You need some real help ya know Buddy…Tor said. CC looked up and smiled…Well I been telling ya that for YEARS DUDE !!!! LOL. So after checkin to make sure nobody got hurt…And there wasn’t anything else they could do…Tor and I got back in out Trunk and pushed off back into the river. PIRATES !!! CC said. Those guys are tryin to be PIRATES !!! CC laughed ain’t that a Hoot Tor …. What do ya Mean CC ?.....they looked like they were doing a real good job to me…. CC tilted his head back and laughed HAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!! Tor buddy…Now you might know about all this wild west stuff…And being a Mountain Man and junk…But let me tell you sumfin about us things on the Chesapeake Bay… THOSE ARSE HOLES WERE NOT PIRATES …THEY WERE PUNKS…PUNKS WITH MONEY AND A FAST BOAT… But Buddy I can tell you about Pirates… The folks that first settled my neck of the woods…NOW THEY WERE THE REAL THING !!!!!...And them dudes are in MY DARN BLOOD TOR !!!!! What are ya Sayin CC ????? (CC looks down the River) Tor I think we should keep a close eye out for any sign of them guys….I feel this need to give them PUNKS a lesson on being a DANG PIRATE !!!!!!! Now pick up that WET VARMIT BUDDY and Jamb in back on your head before the sun fires your skull. LET’S GET TA GOING !!!!!! July 5, 2004 From the Journal of Tor...... Well this past week has been rather enlightening, to say the least. I have discovered that CC is keeping a journal.....that can't be good. I have seen him writing in his Big Chief tablet a number of times but I just thought he was writing his Last Will and Testament in case he didn't survive the trip. I discovered the truth last night when he asked me to spell PIRATES. Now that is unbelievable, not that he didn't know how to spell the word, but that he actually ASKED me how to spell it....he has never been concerned with spelling before. He won't let me read what he has written so I can only imagine what kind of bull hockey he is putting down as the TRUE version of this trip. One thing for sure, there is no way he can put a good face on what happened with those dang river pirates. I can not believe that at the moment of conflict, all CC could do was CHUNK RUBBER DUCKS AT EM! I have an uneasy feeling that we will be seeing those guys again...damn I wish I could get my dang powder dry. Something else has been bothering me....CC HAS STOPPED DISAPPEARING AT NIGHT! Yup, that's right, he has been staying in camp and sleeping on the ground. Besides that, he has been really acting nice and stuff and even trying his best to be one of the team.....HE'S UP TO SOMETHING! I have noticed something funny about our boat. The further we go down river, the harder it is to paddle...its as if we are dragging some unseen burden under the water....CC's position is in the stern of the boat and he won't let me near there to check things out...I tell you, he is hiding something. Well as I said in the beginning, CC is keeping a journal but I bet he didn't write about what happened yesterday. It was the fourth of July and we made it to St. Louis. Man the river has widened and deepened tremendously and it is full of barge traffic so we have to really be careful not to get run over. As if that wasn't bad enough, when we rounded the last bend in the river and St. Louis came into view CC started yelling: "LOOK, THE WORLD'S BIGGEST MACDONALDS!" Of course, what he was seeing was the famous GATEWAY ARCH, which symbolizes the Gateway to the west. As if it weren't bad enough that he mistook this great landmark for a FAST FOOD RESTAURANT, but because we first saw it on the Fourth of July, in the middle of a fireworks display, CC was convinced that MacDonald's was under attack by those same river pirates and he insisted that we paddle to the rescue. He was screaming: "DAMN THE TURTLES AND FULL SPEED AHEAD!" It took me and three pissed off St. Louis cops to drag CC off the poor guy in charge of the fireworks display. They finally allowed us out of jail and back to the river this morning and at the moment we are relaxing in camp. CC is busy making plans to overtake the "pirates" before they can further damage another MacDonald's God, I wonder what kind of trouble he is going to get us into next....actually, I don't think I want to know, its better that way. |
| June 27, 2004...Entry from the journal of Tor. It took us only five days to travel through the state of Minnesota and enter the state of Wisconsin....we may never leave this state. It started shortly after we passed the state line and spotted a big sign posted on the river bank proclaiming that we were now entering Wisconsin. CC went berserk! He started yelling that we were now in "GOD'S COUNTRY" "DA LAND OF DA CHEESE!" He became obsessed with finding what he called "The Seven Cities of Cheese". Seems that CC, at some time in his pitiful excuse for schooling, had read about the Spanish explorer Coronado who searched for Cibola and the seven cities of GOLD. CC came to believe that what the Spanish explorer was actually searching for was "Colbyoto, and the Seven Cities of CHEESE". As the navigator, he began to direct the boat up every creek and smaller river that flowed into the great Mississippi in order to explore the area in an effort to find this damn place. Every time this would happen it would take me a good twenty miles up the stream to convince him to turn around and make back to the Mississippi. Sometimes I was forced to beach the canoe after CC had jumped out, swum ashore and took off across country to check out some likely spot where a cheese city might be located. To date we have been shot at by irate dairy farmers because CC has scared the bejesus out of his cows, arrested when CC was caught digging up a garden and been chased by an angry mob from a small river town when CC showed up there wearing his Chicago Bears cap....Seems they were all Packer fans. Like I said...I a not sure we are going to make it out of here. Its not just CC's crazy fixation of all things cheese either. from the very beginning of this trip he has been disappearing almost every night, only to show up in the morning looking fresh and well rested and smelling strangely like cheese burger and fries. I swear, if I hadn't already lost all the powder for my musket I would just shoot him! I am exhausted, dirty and sunburned to the point of looking like a strawberry. I am so sick of fish and jerky I have stopped eating altogether. CC, on the other hand, greets each morning looking like he has slept in a bed and showered. He is actually GAINING weight even though I can't remember the last time I saw him actually EAT anything. To top it all off, I think my hearing must be going bad on me. Just yesterday I thought I heard a phone ringing. We had stopped to allow me to do some fishing for supper. I was standing on a sandbar and watching my cork drift in the slow moving current when I swear I heard it: RIIIIING, RIIING, I looked around wildly for the source of noise. I noticed CC was gripping his pocket and looking sheepishly in my direction. "Did you hear that?" I asked him. "Hear? I didn't hear nothing," he yelled at me. "BESIDES IF I DID HEAR ANYTHING IT WOULDN'T HAVE SOUNDED LIKE A PHONE!" "Uh?" Before I could question him further, he ran off into the woods and I could hear him muttering but I couldn't make out the words. I wonder..... Was it a coincidence that a few hours later windac showed up, parked on a bridge that crossed the river and she brought with her a huge basket of cheese sammiches? Well I certainly have no idea she knew we were there but I have to admit, I welcomed a change in food...even if it was those stupid cheese sammiches. So there you have it....I KNOW CC IS UP TO SOMETHING...I just haven't caught him at it. YET. Oh and before I close this entry there is another mystery that is plaguing me. From time to time I have spotted large groups of rubber ducks floating in the river. CC thinks it is perfectly normal (figures)....not sure what they mean. Have we entered some unknown Duck Zone? I will try to get to the bottom of this and record the answer here, for now I must stop. The sun is setting and I have to make camp....CC has disappeared again I wonder........ June 27, 2004...from the Journal of CC..... WISCONSIN !!!!.... WISCONSIN !!!! Ok I might of gone a tad overboard with the yellin…It’s not that Tor didn’t know I was going to be a tad vocal about floatin into the CHEESE CAPITAL !!!! And Yes I did try to find a few of them Cheese Tastin Parties… Ya know you would think that folks livin on the rivers in those big beautiful houses would be outside Pitchin huge tents and gathering around with a bottle or two of wine…AND HAVE A CHEESE TASTIN PARTY !!!! Come on WISCONSIN !!!! WHERE’S DA CHEESE ! After about the second or third time I found a group of Wisconsoners hangin out…Well I guess runnin into the group pantin and slobberin while askin.. WHERE’S DA CHEESE !!!! Well I guess the Cheese folks don’t like dat.. Or the fact that runnin up thru all them Cow set them off in a fit of panic… Ya know them cheese cows don’t seem to like me much…. Well anyway… I soon found out that the chance of me finding a Cheese tastin party up one of the creeks wasn’t worth all the Yappin I ws getting from the front of the Tree trunk… RING…..RING. OH CRAP !!!!! I forgot to sick my phone back on VIBRATE !!!!!..... Hey CC… Did ya hear that ? Tor yelled. (GAWD !!!) No Tor I didn’t hear Nuffin. That sound like a phone (DANG !!!!!) Well I knew that little slip of the flappin tongue muscle could be the end of my contact with the outside world if Daniel Bafoon could figure out what he was thinking…. I was just lucky that it was Tor I was with cause…..there’s a good chance a year or two from now he will jump up and yell….HEY CC you had a Cell-phone on dat river !!!!! then all I got to do is say “ What river Tor ?” then watch the brain overload crush his inner ear parts and he’ll fall to the ground…SPLAT !!!! Usally after he wakes up he’s forgot what the heck he was think…So I just had to get away from him for a bit so he could start thinking about something other than that dang RING !!!!! (He thought he heard). That Tree Trunk hadn’t stuck it’s bow in the sand yet…And I sprinted up in the woods and yank out my phone and started dialing numbers….. WIND is DAT YOU ???? Headin back to the Tree Trunk I knew this last little call might tip the scale…I was getting far to sloppy with my action…Even Tor would figure all this out soon if I didn’t change my ways… I thought to myself…. Just let me get thru this thing today and I know I’ll feel better….(CC hung is head knowin he’s been Sloppy) GAWD !!!! HEY BOY’S !!!! Well by the grace of good stuff…I looked up and there was da Loverly Wind hangin on a bridge rail… Tor Yelled up Hi WIND !!! Wow what you doing here…It’s great to see ya … I stood up from the stearn and Bowed deeply and flung some smoochies up at her with my hand….Wind !!!!...What a wonderful surprise…You are lookin loverly up there hangin off dat bridge… Winds shouted down…”Thanks Boys…I hear from some of my friends upriver that there were Two Whacko’s headin for the gulf comin this was… So I just knew it was you two bucketheads….HERE !!!....I brought ya a Cheese Basket !!!! CHaaaaaa….Cha….Cha. POW !!!!! This huge basket whacked me in the head.. I Found myself in the bottom of the Tree Trunk cover in Chaaaaaa..Cha..CHEESE !!! Well Wind was bustin a gut laughin while tryin to tell me she was sorry for whackin me And as we passed under the bridge I yelled.. “ WIND YOU’RE A GODDESS !!!!!” The echo from me yellin musta caught Tor offguard cause he grabbed the Varmit on his head a screamed like a little girl….EEEEEaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwl. Followed by a “CC don’t ever do that again !!!!!” Well I spun around and waved back at Wind and blew here a few more smoochies and told her I Owed her a BIG ONE !!!!! as we rounded the next bend I settled back in my seat and tossed Tor a gleamin hunk of Wisconsin cheese !!!!! Well late that afternoon I guess I was feelin kinda of bad about what I was lookin at in the bow of the Tree Trunk…Poor Tor was lookin pretty rough up there… the man had all of this Mountain Man stuff BAD !!! Even in the heat of the day I couldn’t talk him out of wearin the hides and that dead Varmit.. Ya just got to hand it to the Dip-stick he was really out to tame this river… (CC smiled as he paddled)… The last few days I have had to really pick up my paddlin power. WHY ???? Well I guess my buddy Malcom must be worried about us… Cause I think I’ve seen more Rubber ducks than I’ve seen real ones… And it’s not been easy grabbin them along the way… And I have to paddle harder cause…well…Tor doesn’t know that right now we are draggin about fourteen water tight bags behind us…LOL. So I’m tryin to keep him from feeling the extra weight…heheheheheee. As we hit camp tonight I went to see if there was a hotel hid back in the woods…But ya know I kinda felt bad this time….I knew Tor was back there all by himself… Chewin on this tiny little fish he caught today… Shoooooooot. That’s when I stoped walkin away from the River and stood there knowin my next step would either take me to a shower and soft bed….Or back in time with ants crawlin over my tailsection… (CC hung his head.) LAWD !!!! Oh well, one last stay in a nice motel and then I promise to stick to da river....GAWD! |
| June 13, 2004 It has been a week, today since we started our journey down the Mississippi River and I must admit, it has been "interesting". To begin with I spent the first night, before launching the next morning, trying to talk CC into wearing the authentic mountain man clothes I had brought for him. Not only did he refuse, he demanded that his coon skin hat be kept in a cage and in the opposite end of the boat from him. Finally we ironed out some kind of agreement and retired to our beds....he was none to happy about having to sleep on the ground either. The next morning we arose early....well I did anyway. I finally got CC up at the crack of noon and we loaded up the canoe and set off on our adventure. As the navigator, CC took the stern seat while I sat in the bow. We pushed off with high hopes and many miles to cover. Everything was set to spend an entire day paddling on the river, non-stop, till the sun went down! Two hundred yards down stream CC had to have his first potty break....I told him the cheese in those cheese sammichs he stole from the riverboat looked bad but he wouldn't listen to me. Here is a shot of our canoe where CC had me beach it on an island before he went, moaning and holding his stomach, into the woods. You should have heard his scream when he discovered I had done away with all his toilet paper! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Four hours later and a grand total of ten miles covered, we made our 15th stop so that CC might relieve himself of the last vestiges of bad cheese from his digestive tract. By this time he had become somewhat adept at picking the right leaves to use for toilet paper but unfortunately he was still a bit lax in watching where he squatted. This time he managed to lower himself over a rather nasty thorn bush. The resultant screams brought a crowd of people from a nearby river campground who were intent on rendering aid until they discovered the nature of CC's predicament. I snapped this picture right before they scattered back to their camps, leaving poor CC to remove the thorns himself. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Things quieted down after that and we made good progress until we hit our first portage point; an old dam which the river had now claimed and flowed over making a nice little waterfall. Well it was SUPPOSED to be a portage point, unfortunately CC convince me that with his vast river knowledge, it would be a piece of cake to ride over the top of the dam and on down the river. We spent the rest of the evening gathering up our floating supplies, righting our boat and drying ourselves and our clothes. Unfortunately, CC's hat, confined in its cage was lost. It floated out of sight, never to be seen by us again. I can only wonder what a shock it was to whoever happened upon that thing...imagine, a coon skin hat in a cage. That's how legends are born! By day three CC had only managed to turn the canoe over four times, he was getting better. I was encountering a bit of difficulty though with our diet. Since all our gun powder got wet, we could not shoot game and so far the fishing wasn't all that great so we had to rely on our supply of beef jerky. Of course CC wanted to stop at some of the nearby towns we passed but I told him that would be against the Mountain man code...we had to go it alone! I managed to snap this last picture of a herd of cows just before CC jumped overboard screaming: "BRING DA BREAD, I FOUND US SOME FRESH SAMMICH MAKINGS!" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** He chased those poor cows out of sight and I was forced to pitch camp and wait on him....I'm still waiting...its been two days....I am sure he will make it back...I think. Entry from CC's journal...June 13, 2004 It’s Been a DANG WEEK !!!! since I planted my tailesection in that tree trunk and started south on the mother of all rivers (CC look at the dip-stick sittin ahead of him in the tree trunk) WITH THAT !!!!. (CC shakes his head). After Tor sucked me into this Mountain Man Mode of Movement down the Mississippi I had to think quick cause all Tor kept sayin was “ CC we can’t take anything that them Mountain Men didn’t have back in the day. Well I freaked out on him and told him that there was a reason all them Mountain Dudes were DEAD !!!! They Died from Mother Nature KICKIN THEIR TAILSECTION !!!!. But ever time I made perfect sense Old buzzard guts would brake out in a fit of tears and EVERY DANG TIME I lost my mind and said ok Tor…We’ll do it your way… (But I was thinking fast in my massive brain compartment) (wink..wink) I ran back to the Riverboat and found the Cool dude who took such good care of me earlier and asked him if we could talk a bit...He said. “Sure Mr. CC I have your three fingers of bourbon right here and if ya don’t mind I think I’ll join ya”.. WELL HECK.. I told the dude to being along a few more handfuls of bourbon and we sat down on the third deck while lookin down the bank at Tor and I started tellin Malcom P. Dither my tale. (I found out Malcom was named Malcom…. What a cool dude) Any way when I told Malcom what was about to happen to me he just hung his head and kept sayin..”Mr.CC this ain’t good” “You don’t want to do this Mr.CC”… “Mr CC I like you…I don’t want you to be one of them Jerks we see getting run over or stretched out on the Riverbank with buzzards look at um like a Quarter Pounder With chesse…Don’t Go Mr.CC…Just stay on here with us and I’ll make sure you have the time of your life Sir. Well I shook his hand and thanked him for everything and asked him if I could keep my stuff onboard because I fully intended to catch a ride back up here from the Gulf…THAT IS IF I EVER SEE DA GULF !!!!! Malcom smiled and said “Sure Mr. CC I’ll do what ever you like Sir” Then Malcom pointed down the river at Tor and said…”That’s a Dangerous Man Mr. CC … I’ve never met him but if he thinks the River is just a Wet Road to the gulf…He got a few suprises waitin on him… I smiled and chuckled a bit and said Malcom Dude That Dang TEXAN is Dangerous if he was just sittin on his tailsection lickin Icecream. I went over a few things I might need Malcom to do for me..And he laughed the whole time and we soon parted our ways until this whole ordeal was over and I could find myself on this Riverboat for my return trip North. Well You would have thought this first week wouldn’t be to bad. Tor and I started out real good FOR THE FIRST HUNDRED YARDS OR SO !!!! When I asked him if he had tossed my stuff in the tree he said “Sure Buddy !!!! But I had to go thru it and take out all the stuff the Mountain Men didn’t have in their day. WHAT !!!!! You went thru my STUFF !!!! He said “ Well yeah…We got to do this right…You had all kinds of junk we don’t need.. WHAT !!!!! Well I just doubled over in pain and told Tor to head for Shore I had to relieve myself my Guts from Burstin apart. Well Tor started yappin about cheese and why livin off the land would clean out my body from all them bad food products that been poisonin my inners… All that dumb statement did was make me paddle faster just so I wouldn’t reach up there with my paddle and whack that DANG VARMIT OFF HIS SKULL !!!! Paddle PADDLE I YELLED !!!!! When we got to shore I ran up in the Bushes and SCREAMED !!!!!!!!! Now I’m won’t tell ya about all the words held under my breath or all the dirt I kicked OR Tossin myself to the ground to keep from impaling myself with a stick. When I could breath again I took out my Cell phone I HID FROM TOR !!!! and Call Malcome on the Riverboat and told him about what Tor had done…Malcom Laughed his Butt off and told me he would takecare of a few things I needed. Ya see I kinda Figured things would go this way with Tor…So Malcom would take a few rolls of terlet paper and weight it down in a water tight bag and toss it off the Riverboat for me to find along our way… (CC chuckled to himself) I gave Malcom a huge canvas bag full of RUBBER DUCKS !!! to tie on the bags so I could tell one of my hiddin treasures was hangin under the cute little rubberbutts. Hehehehe CC laughed What Ole Dannel Buffoon don’t know won’t hurt him….Hehehehehe. Well as the Day went on. AND ON…AND ON… With a few stops here and there just so I could run up in the bushes and SCREAM cause of something STUPID Tor was talking about….I spied a Yellow duck floatin just out of the channel… Well with TOR being a MOUNTAIN MAN an all it didn’t take much for me to take his attention off that duck so I could slide over just enough to grab it…. HEY TOR !!!! Look Over the at them Cows !!! What the heck kinda cows are those?? Well Tor was pointing and talking about them not being real Cows cause they aren’t from Texas..He then went into a whole lip-flappin hunk of tongue twirlin about these cows just being sissy’s … Well I grabbed that duck and pulled up two rolls of the finest lookin terlt tissue ya ever saw and quick like stuck them under my seat and stowed my little yeller buddy in my pack.. WHICH I HAD TONS !!! of room in cause the FREAKSHOW sittin in the bow had emptied all my stuff out !!!!!!! HEY TOR pull over I gonna grab us a Cow for chewin on….Tor laughed but we turned to the bank and I jumped out and ran up the bank right by them Cows and into the woods then thru the woods and across the road and into BURGER KING for a bite to eat. After fillin up on Mountain Man food in Buger King I looked over to SEE !!!! A big bright glowin…Hilton Hotel !!!! (Blink…blink) Well I looked back at river…Then to the Hilton….River….Hilton….Tree Trunk…Soft Bed and shower…River…OH HECK WITH DAT RIVER !!!! I Rolled up in the Hilton and got me a room for the night and didn’t even think about Tor back there sittin in his tree trunk waitin on me. ( well I thought about him…But… I figured him being a Mountain Man and all he could takecare of himself till I recharged my batteries a bit) HEY DID I TELL YA THEY GOT !!!! Real Fluffy Towels HERE !!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh….. Dang I’m bad….When I’m GOOD !!!!!! LOL |
| Warning: the adventure continues. For anyone who expects a serious blog, please back out of here now. June 6, 2004: It is somehow appropriate that this latest adventure begin on the anniversary of D-Day, the Normandy Invasion. I write this journal entry at 35,000 feet while winging my way toward my own personal D-Day. I am aboard flight 2015, US Air bound for Minnesota. I am scheduled to land in St. Paul, Minn. about four p.m. and from there I will rent a four-wheel drive car and drive north to Lake Itasca and the headwaters of the great Mississippi River. I bet CC, who is supposed to meet me at the lake, will be really surprised when he sees what I have brought along for this trip. The trip itself was his idea but if I know CC he is going to want to rent a damn pontoon boat and load it with all the modern navigational aids and luxuries he can cram on the thing. WELL THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! Nope, in the cargo hold of this plane rides an authentic, ten foot long, birch-bark canoe....this will be our only mode of transportation for the trip. Packed along with the canoe are two black-powder rifles, some fishing line, hooks, tarp for a tent, and some flour, salt and beef jerky. Whether or not CC likes it, we are going to make this trip the old fashioned way....the very same way the early mountain men made it. No luxuries for us! We are explorers, brave souls pushing into the unknown while relying only on our wits and our rifles. We will steer our way by the sun and the stars and we will live off the land. Heck I even have authentic buckskin pants and shirts and coon-skin hats for each of us to wear! He wants an adventure, then by God I'm gonna give him one he will remember forever. ************************ Just a quick note here. The plane landed safely. I offloaded my gear and rented a Range Rover. I arrived at the lake about an hour ago and as usual, CC IS LATE! No sign of the turkey. Well I am going to stop this here and unload the boat and gear then change clothes....I can't wait to see what that coon-skin hat looks like on me! CC's Journal Entry: June 6th 2004 CC crest the hill as the bright sunrise hit his tired eyeballs at the same insatant...DANG !!!! DATS BRIGHT !!!! He reached over and grabbed his sunglass and got them on just before he had veared off the road...DANG !!!!! He shouted and the brakes of his old truck grabbed the ground hard and the thing stopped in a cloud of dust. When the dust cleared CC eyes went wide beacuse before him he could see what all this hard drivin was for. I'M HERE !!!!! YEAH BABY !!!!! (well if ya knew CC...Him going into a fit of dancin wouldn't bother ya much) (unless ya had to look at him doing it) CC stopped on a dime as a flash of white hit his eyes from off in the distance.... HOT DARN!!!! WOULD YA LOOK AT THAT !!! On the lake below CC saw the mother of all Riverboats...A three deck stearn Wheeler sittin at the dock in all it's glory...White as a ghost and decked out in Red and Blue trim. SAAAAAAAweeeeeeeT Now thats how I'm talkin about gettin down this River !!! Man I can see the card games and layin around kickin back chewin food...Shoot I bet they got all kinds of stuff to do on that thing !!!! Now this is what I'm TALKIN BOUT !!! CC ran and jumped in the truck and flew down the hill and came up in the parkin lot in a skid.. He jumped out and again he was just floored at the size and beauty of this vessel. CC yelled up... Hey DUDE !!! I need two first class cabins and all the fun I can stand till I get tossed in the Gulf of Mexico !!!!! Can ya help a brother out ???? YES SIR !!! We just have two cabins left on the Top deck up by the wheelhouse do ya want them ? Well HECK YES DUDE !!!! and with that CC ran back grabbed two bags and headed up the ramp... ( Hot dang I'm gonna be close enough to sweet talk the captain into lettin me steer this thing !!!!) After CC unpacked all his gear in his cabin he came on-deck to see if Tor was anywhere to be found yet...NOPE!!!.. So He just walked around the boat a few time as the sun started to go down all the time gettin more and more peeved and I guess worried that the dang TEXAN WAS LATE !!!! As CC leaned over the starboard rail and a puff of smoke caught his attention down the riverbank...It kinda looked like a dude down there tossin stuff on the ground and makin up a camp...CC ran to his cabin and grabbed his lookinglass to see if maybe it was one of them old trapper dudes he's read about. WOULD YA LOOK AT DAT CC said out loud....A voice from behind him said Mr.CC you lookin at the Whacko down there gettin ready to kill himself on the river? Yeah who is HE ???? Don't know Sir but we see them all the time. Hey what time does the boat leave? Oh we don't leave till after dark Sir. Well CC ran to get off the boat and yelled back...I'm going to go talk to this dude...I'll be back !!!! OK Mr. CC I'll have three fingers of bourbon waitin on ya. Well With CC being a tad long legged and stealthy he came runnin up to the old dudes camp real fast... He skidded to a stop just far enough away to see this guy with a TREE ON HIS HEAD !!! (blink...blink) What in the heck !!!! and if that wasn't bad enough from what ya could see of him...he had on somekind of nasty lookin animal skin thing for pants....DANG !!!!! WHAT A FREAK !!!! HEY DUDE CC said. Well the dude lifted the tree off his head and let it drop to the ground then spun around and his eye lit up REAL BIG !!! HEY CC !!!!! Were the heck you been man..I have been here all day waitin on you... (Blink...Blink) Hey CC look at me Bud...How ya like this Buckskin outfit ??? Oh wait...Wait !!! Tor ran over and pulled this varmit out of his bag and sat it on his head...What do ya think of THAT ???? (Blink..Blink) And HEY !!!! Man just Look at this Canoe I got...Ain't she a thang of beauty ??? She's ten foot long and built for a long haul down the River !!! (Blink..blink) Well HECK CC !!!! arn't ya glad to see me ???? Darn Cat got you tongue ??? Your just standin there with that dumb-arse look on your face like ya just swallowed a armadilla. All poor CC could do was gasp and point to the Riverboat up at the dock sittin there with Cabins...Beds...tables...deck chairs...three fingers of bourbon...And...And...And. CC spins around TOR WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU SAYIN DUDE !!!! Please tell me your plannin to go down river inside of that TREE TRUNK !!!!....AND TELL ME...That you didn't kill a cow then skin it so you could put you legs in it and draw flies !!!! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND !!!!! Well after that the words got to flyin between these two...Tor was yappin about being men and takin mother nature by the horns. While CC was yellin about a hot bath and toilet paper. Round and round they went...Until Tor just stood there sayin nothin..Then he sniffed twice and looked up at CC with tear glazed eyes and said In a real slow and low voice. Cee----Cee...It mean the world to me....If ya would just do me this favor... Lets just see if we can do it... Do it like they did back when men where men and not what we have all turned into now...Come on Cee--Cee Be a Man with ME OK ????? (Blink..blink) CC turns back and looks at the Riverboat...Then back at Tor's Tree Trunk...Riverboat...Tree Trunk....Boat...Tree. OMG !!!! CC YELLS !!!! O....M.....G !!!!!!! Let me get my stuff off that PERFECTLY BEAUTYFULL RIVERBOAT and drowned about 46 fingers of bourbon down my throat and I'll be back so you and me can FLING OUR ARSES DOWN THE RIVER INSIDE A DANG TREE !!!!! I'M OUT OF MY MIND !!!!!! With that CC stomped off and Tor wiped the FAKE tear off his cheek and chuckled....GOT EM !!!!... That sappy stuff always works on that DANG YANKEES !!!! ROFLOL !!!!! And With that the sun fell out of the sky and another day passed on this great land we like to call..... ummmmmm..... Well I don't know were I am at this point but...lookin around it's up north somewhere !!!!!! |
| For some weeks many of you have read, in CC's blog, his subtle hints about a new "adventure" coming soon. As many of you probably know by now, CC lives for this stuff. He loves to get things started, to stir up fun and laughter. For CC, making others laugh is like an opiate and he can't live without it. So it came as no surprise to me when I received a call last week from my buddy. He had an idea for an "adventure" and he couldn't wait to share it with me. After listening to his demented ranting for about ten minutes I was hooked! It was a great idea and worth a try. Thus the story: Mississippi Blues was born. We decided to write this story together and make is an interactive meaning that we aren't sure where its going! We will be writing it in the form of two journals, both dealing with the same subject matter but with wildly different points of view. The ongoing story begins today and each chapter will be posted in my blog. Each chapter will consist of two journal entries; one from Tor and one from CC. We welcome and encourage your comments since YOU are the reason we are writing this in the first place....the chance to make you smile or laugh. Don't be surprised to see a few of you worked into this story and when that happens, please blame CC for any insulting remarks made in your direction...IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! Now, without further ado, I give you the Prologue and first two journal entries of Mississippi Blues. *************************** MISSISSIPPI BLUES by Tor and CC Prologue A funny thing happened to me at work the other day. Yeah, I know, funny things always happen to me at work; so what else is new, but this was really weird. Most science fiction writers will attest to the fact that without the theory of Alternate Universes most of them would be lost. Yes, many is the story that has its roots in that theory. I mean, you can do anything you want with a plot and set it in one of those alternate universes to have whatever strangeness explained. The thing is, no one really believes those things exists. Well guess what....they are real. I know this because I FOUND ONE! That's right; I found one of those things for real...and right there at the front door of my own Wal-Mart store where I work! Well, it wasn't actually at the front door, it was back in the cavernous cart bay which is located NEAR the front door where I stand as a Door-Greeter. This momentous occasion took place last Monday. I had been at the door about an hour; pulling carts from the cart bay, greeting customers, doing my everyday routine when suddenly I became aware of a low humming noise coming from the bay. My curiosity peaked. I parted the plastic curtain that hangs in front of the bay and stepped back into its darkened recesses to see if I could find the source of the strange noise. It didn't take long; there, at the back of the bay, next to the big folding door which lead outside, I spotted a strange, vertical, blue light shining like some ghostly St. Elmo's Fire. Now I am sure that most people would run screaming from such a sight but, being an aspiring science fiction writer myself, I knew at once what I was witnessing. This was nothing to be afraid of, it was simply one of those pesky rips in the space-time continuum which everyone knows will lead to an alternate universe. So of course, me being the science fiction aficionado that I am, I simply stepped into the light. POOF! Blinding light in swirling patterns surrounded me as I tumbled down a vortex of time and space. Head over heels I tumbled until, with a boom of noise and flash of light, I fell to the ground.... Sorry, none of that actually happened, I just couldn't resist writing it like I have read it in so many books. What really occurred was.....well...nothing. I stepped into the light and experienced a moment of dizziness, a few seconds of blindness then I found myself standing in the parking lot of Wal-Mart, feeling a little silly. I was about to slink back into the store, sheepishly trying to think up an excuse for being on the parking lot when I happened to glance across the street at a sign over a gas station. GAS: REGULAR--$1.50 PREMIUM--$1.60 I almost fainted with surprise. This proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I was actually in another, alternate universe! No way was this my reality. Quickly, I looked around to see if my strange behavior had been observed but I was in luck, there was no one in my immediate area. As quick as I could, I took off my blue Wal-Mart vest and my name tag then made my way to the front door of the store. To my surprise, I didn’t see another “me” standing there at the front door greeting customers. Some other old fool was at MY post! As I walked through the door I couldn't help but notice the Door Greeter had this funny look on his face. I was just about to sneak a furtive glance down at my zipper to make sure I wasn't "flying at half-mast", as they say when said Greeter rushed up to me and started pumping my hand furiously. "Oh, sir," he gushed. "It is such an honor to finally meet the man whose place I took. I have read your book and it was really great!" "Uh..." Before I could say anything else there was a general rush of workers and customers up to where we were standing. most were holding books and they were asking for me to sign them! In the general melee and crush of bodies I managed to snag two of the books for closer perusal. One book was entitled: TO HELL AND BACK...(how I survived a trip down the Mississippi River with CC as my Navigator) and I WAS THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOK! The other book had a picture of CC on the cover and was entitled: The Great Voyage, (How I navigated 4000 miles over a 2500 mile river) and to my absolute horror, CC was the author of this book. As I stood there in stunned silence, looking at the two books the Door Greeter spoke again over the noise of the crowd. "Mr. Tor," he yelled to me. "I thought you and Mr. CC were on your way to LA. to tape the Tonight show with Jay Leno. What are you doing still here?" Tonight show? Leno? Me and CC? Well all of this was just too much. I gripped both copies of the books to my chest and turned on my heel and ran out the door. "You're right, Door Greeter dude," I yelled over my shoulder at the bewildered man. "I'm late for my flight. I will bring these books back later, I promise." With that I made good my escape back into the parking lot and back to the spot I materialized. I was quite relieved to find the portal I had arrived through was still intact so I dove into it and was promptly deposited back into my own Universe. I went home, complaining of a bad headache and once safely behind closed doors I sat down to read these two books I had brought back with me. Well my friends, all I can say is that these books paint a weird and sordid tale. Both were done in Journal form. Apparently these other two Tors and CCs had decided to go on a trip down the Mississippi from its source to the mouth of the great river. Both men kept journals of their trip and when they returned they both published their stories. It seems that in that other universe/reality, CC talked Tor into making the trip and put himself in charge of navigation....well that answers the question of how they traveled 4000 miles on a 2500 mile river but it doesn't explain WHAT POSSESED TOR TO MAKE THIS TRIP. My God, CC as a navigator? That's like Making Helen Keller a Coast-watcher at Pearl Harbor! I have decided to share both these extraordinary Journals with you, my faithful blog readers. I will post each day an entry from the Journal of the other Tor and follow it with a journal entry from the other CC so that you might see both sides of their adventure as it unfolds. Fasten your seat-belts, its gonna be a bumpy ride! *************************** My Journal First entry: June 2, 2004, I have to admit: I am frightened. Oh not in a physical sense, you understand, but I fear for my sanity. A very strange thing happened today and I am sure it does not bode well for my future. You see I got a phone call just before I left for work. It was my good buddy CC String. Now, as I said, CC is my buddy, but thankfully he lives clear across the country from me in the wilds of Maryland where he makes a living tinkering at a car lot and running up and down the Chesapeake river in his little pilot boat. Our main interaction comes from telephone calls and the internet and we rarely get to actually spend time together. Until now. CC called me today with a harebrained idea. Now that is not unusual with CC, he is constantly getting these silly schemes bubbling up in his brainpan and he always brings them to my attention, trying to get me involved but usually I can dissuade him from actually acting upon said schemes.....until today. Today he came up with an idea so outlandish, so far-fetched...well I was just speechless! Not only speechless, I am afraid, but I was so stunned I even failed to talk him out of it. Worse of all, I fear, I went so far as to AGREE with him....God have mercy upon my soul! The phone conversation itself went something like this: Me: "Hello" CC: "Yo! Wasssup dude! Watcha doing?" Me: " Hey CC. I am about to head out the door for work, how are you?" CC: "Oh, I'm just fine as frog's hair good buddy. Hey I gots me an idea!" Me: "Oh God!" CC: "No, listen...you got some vacation time coming ain't you?" Me: "Why yes I do, CC. I think I have three weeks of vacation time I haven't taken yet." CC: "Hum...well you might need a little more than that, maybe you can take a leave of absence." Me: "WHAT? Now why the hell would I want to do that, you dufus?" CC: "Well so you can go with me on my little trip." Me: (rolling my eyes and shaking my head) "And where are you going that would take so long?" CC: (his voice rising with excitement) "WE ARE GONNA MAKE A TRIP DOWN THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER!" Silence. CC: "Hello? Are ya still there buddy?" Me: "I'm here, CC. Something must be wrong with the connection, I thought you said we were going to go down the Mississippi river." CC: "Dat's just what I said buddy. Just think of it; Me and you, traveling down the Mississippi river from its source to the Gulf of Mexico, what a trip that's gonna be!" Now normally, at this point I would simply hang up the phone and wait a day or so until CC came back down to earth and forgot his goofy plan...usually two days were enough time as he has the attention span of a gnat....but I didn't do this and that is what is bothering me now. For some unknown reason I actually LISTENED to him instead of hanging up on him. Suddenly, for some unknown reason, a trip like that sounded not only feasible, but even desirable. To my credit, I don't believe that at that moment I had completely lost my senses because there was this little voice in the back of my head screaming at the top of its lungs: "WARNING, WARNING, DANGER...ABANDON SHIP!" Unfortunately for me, I ignored that voice. Instead I reacted with a dead calm and even managed to become enthused. Me: "CC I like the idea! You start the planning and I will go talk to my boss. Get back to me tomorrow with some details". CC: "WAHOO, ROAD TRIP!" And with those words ringing in my ear I hung up the phone and went out the door to work....my mind in a fog: WHAT HAD I DONE? I decided right then and there to start this journal so that when CC and I come up missing and are declared dead after seven years, maybe someone will find this and KNOW what really became of us. First entry from the journal of CC String June 2, 2004 It's a darn fine morning and I have to admit. That Baseball bat sittin over in the corner should be picked up so I can BEAT MYSELF TO DEATH !!!! CC take three quick step to that hunk of hardwood thinkin it's the only way to GET OUT OF THIS !!!!! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN !!!!!! (CC reaches up and grabs both of his ears and yanks his head around and just about falls to the floor) YOU IDIOT !!!!!! (Yes you might say that this morning CC is a tad freaked out) After ALL THESE YEARS !!!! I was just tryin to be FRIENDLY AND STUFF !!!! GAWD !!!! Two or three time a year I'd would ask Tor to come on out of that oven of a state and go on a little trip with me... WHAT's DA HARM IN THAT !!!! I mean he always says NO !!!! then mummbles somfin about not leavin the great state of Texas to go anywhere with a DANG YANKEE !!!! And Sure it hurts my feelings...But ta tell ya the truth... I never wanted to go no where wif that WHACKO ANYWAYS !!!!! SO WHAT THE HECK HAPPEN !!!!!!!! I've asked the man to go to Florida during spring break...NOPE HIS SAYS !!! "CC I got ugly legs and my feet hurt when I walk in da SAND !!!!" WHIMP !!!!! I asked him... Hey Tor lets go to Disney World.. NOPE !!!!! " I'm Ascared of Mickey Mouse and Pluto keep wantin to hump on my LEG !!!! (I know...Dat left me a tad freaked out) I even asked the dude to go to Cleveland with me to the darn Rock and Roll Hall of FAME !!!!!! HE SAID NO !!!! (hold on to sumfin) He wouldn't go there cause he thought Chubby Checker was stalkin him cause he wanted his MAN PARTS !!!! GOOD GAWD !!!! (CC kick his half packed travelin bag across the floor) SO WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD HE...HE...HE Say YES to just about the stupidest thing I have ever come up with YET !!!! GAWD !!!!! No to Collage girls on da beach !!! No to little Mickey Mouse !!! No to CHUBBY CHECKER !!!!!! But dat back hill Texas Terror...SAID !!!! SURE CC...Dats a Fine Idea... I would love to travel the Mississippi River with you Buddy. WHAT !!!!!!! You WHAT !!!! DO WHAT !!!! (well I would have said dat out loud if I had HALF MY BRAIN SECTION WORKIN !!!!) (CC grabs some clean underware and his best pair of deck shoes and tosses them in the corner ontop of his bag) SHOOOOOOOOOT if I knew he was ready to go somewhere I would have took him to the Circus or sumfin....Now I go to sit on a boat with him while I hear all of them dang Davy Crockett tales of DA OLD WEST !!!! I can hear it NOW !!!! " Ya kn------ow Cee-----Cee Ba---ck in da Da--y We ate dirt cau---se it tickled our teeth wh--an we chewed it. Man Cee---Cee spittin mud at my brother uncle Bubba was big fu---n. WHERE IS DAT BAT !!!! Gawd if I had the guts I would beat me so hard I'd be in the hopital until winter...I know he would forget about this whole thing if it was kinda cold outside...(DANG SISSY !!!) (CC grabs all boat gear and slams it in the pack) Ya know....I know... I asked him to do this...And yup I'm sittin here talkin to myself cause...(CC looks around) Cause well there ain't a soul here to TALK TO !!!!... YA DON'T TAKE A TEXAN ON THE MOTHER OF ALL RIVERS !!!! Them Texas Dudes DON'T FLOAT !!! I swear all he's got to do is get them HUGE COWBOY BOOTS full of WATER ONCE !!!! and GURGGLE---GURGGLE---GURGGLE Down he goes !!!! And off to jail I got for Killin a dang LANDLUBBER !!! I CAN'T BELEIVE HE SAID YES !!!!! (CC grabs up all his stuff and heads for the door). Maybe will find a nice Riverboat with those nice deck chairs and the both of us can just sit and drink ourselves to the Gulf. HONEY !!!!! (CC yells back to his Wimmins) I got to go float down the Mississippi River Wif TOR !!!!! I don't know when I'll be back...So if ya don't see me for awhile can ya please take pictures of the kids graduatin High school... OH and if FRANK PITT takes my daughter to Da prom.... Tell him I'll kick his tailsection from here to mars if he get ungentelmanly wif my Saweet kaitlin. OK HON ???? " Ok CC have a good time and tell Tor we Wub him for us" (CC walks out mumbblin) OH YEAH !!!! I'm gonna tell him a few things alright... GRRRRR. GAWD!!!! I did this !!! My IDEA !!! I GOT TO ACT LIKE I WANT TO GOOOOOoooooo. ( CC mummble gettin in his truck) Sure CC lets GO Sure CC thats a great Idea Oh CC we will have a great time. THE MAN IS FREAKED OUT ABOUT MICKEY MOUSE AND CHUBBY CHECKER !!! (CC drove off with his mind in a fog) WHAT HAVE I DONE !!!!!!! ********* I decided right then I had to keep this journal so after Tor dies on the river..I'd have proof that it wasn't me that kilt him... All I need this the Coast Guard yellin at me sayin. "WELL EVERYONE KNOWs TEXANS DON'T FLOAT !!!!" ********* (Blink...Blink) ************************************* To be continued......... |
| As most of you know, and I am sure are sick of hearing about, I have been home alone the past few days. Well yesterday I decided to treat myself. I went to town and bought one of those giant, everything on it, thick crust, pizzas. I mean, I deserved this treat, I been eating my own cooking for three days and I was ready for a change. Now there is nothing in the world like a giant pizza with all the toppings. I am talking Taste Bud Nervinna here. Who cares that it set me back something like $15.00, I had it and it was all mine...no sharing with Mel. Well I came back home, placed the box of Pizza on the kitchen counter and took out three pieces and threw them on my plate. Then, plate of pizza in one hand and glass of cold pepsi in the other, I made directly for my recliner. I turned on The History Channel and settled back for my own personal vision of Heaven. I gotta tell ya, those three pieces of pizza tasted so damn good going down I could hardly stand it. They were gone in a flash so I decided, during the next commercial, I would go replinish my supply. After all, I had the whole thing to myself, no need to go to bed hungry! It is at this point that things went south on me. The commercial came on and I vaulted out of my chair and headed into the kitchen with my now empty plate. Rounding the corner into the kitchen I came upon a sight that made my blood run cold: THERE WAS THE PIZZA BOX LAYING OPEN ON THE FLOOR AND ALL THREE OF MY DAMN DOGS HAD THEIR HEADS STUFFED INSIDE, CHOWING DOWN ON MY PIZZA!!! I let loose witha blood-curdling scream reminicent of the rebel yell my great-granddaddy gave at Gettsyburg and I charged the three felons! DOGS FLEW IN EVERY DIRECTION! Yelps, squeels, and cries of pain filled the kitchen as my bare foot connected with undefended dog-rumps. Foul language flowed like a poison stream as I cursed them and their decendents back 12 generations! In the end, when the smoke cleared and quiet once again settled over the battle field, I was left alone with one crumpled pizza box and a couple of small piles of crumbs of what was one my proud, tasty, pizza. The dogs spent the rest of the evening in various hiding places, taking great pains not to show themselves to their demented owner. Of course I KNEW where they were hiding because, from time to time, one of them would let loose a loud BURP....that's what happens when you eat pizza too fast! After I calmed down I pieced together what happened. I analyzed the crime scene like an episode of CSI. As well as I can figure, it was Sherman (the one whose picture I just put at the top of my blog, the ingrate) who instigated the crime. He has grown quite a bit over the past month or so and he is now able to raise up on his hind legs and rest his fron paws on the kitchen counter....his head can reach almost everything up there. He must have nabbed the box and drug it down, then it was just a matter of sharing the loot with his two partners in crime whom I am sure acted as look-outs during his thieft of the Pizza. I guess, before Mel comes home tonight, I will be forced to take down the sign I placed in the front yard: FREE DOGS, TO A GOOD HOME |
| Okay, its offical: I am a Masochist of the first order. Since arising from my bed this morning, I have had the TV on and tuned to one of the major news channels. While I sat at my computer and read blogs and did WDC stuff I have had what passes for news droning on in the background. I did this for a reason...other than self torture...I wanted to see if there was anything happening which might be worthy of doing a blog entry upon. SILLY ME! What did I learn? What newsworthy events were covered by Fox News? Here is a sample: A new suspect has been arrested in the Natalie Hallowy case....Okay I see a pattern here. They are planning on arresting every Aruiban on the island until they find one they can make the charges stick on. A TEN year old girl, stole her older sister's SUV and, accompanied by a five year old and a toddler, went on a joy ride and was chased by police until she wrecked the vihicle. You know, its really heartning when you hear of a young person starting at such a young age to learn a trade. By the time this kid is twenty she should be at the top of her chosen field as a car-jacker! McPhee Vs Hicks in tonight's American Idol finale Yes. Sadly, this bit of news was one of the leading stories and has been repeated all day long. As far as I am conserned: WHO THE HELL CARES? more people have voted for these two turkeys than have voted for President of the United States...what does that say about us as a country? And finally (thank God) Fox News ran an informal poll: IN AN ELECTION BETWEEN JOHN MCCAIN AND HILLARY CLINTON FOR PRESIDENT, WHO WOULD YOU VOTE FOR? WTF!! That would be like having two democrats running for President at the same time. The only difference I can see between these two presidential wannabes is one is male and the other female. Okay...time for me to take two advil and put on some Celtic music....soothe the jangled nerves and calm down. |
The latest issue of The Blogville News is now ready for your reading enjoyment. "Invalid Entry"  |
| It has been brought to my attention that prehaps I have been whining too much in my blog about being left alone at home. Okay, I can see where one might come to that conclussion so today I have decided to make a more positive, upbeat entry...I'm sensitive ya know! CC ain't the only one that can kick the dirt and hang his head...he's just better at it than I am! So this morning I decided to do what I have done in the past when I want to pull out of a blue funk....I retreated to the kitchen and began to experiment. I LOVE TO COOK. Today's dish is one of my favorites and one I grew up eating....Pinto beans and Cornbread. Yeah, I know, you wimmen are out there saying: "Well hell, that's simple enough." What you don't understand is that I always add a few more special indegridents to my dishes to give them a different flavor. To begin with I took a bag of Pinto beans (no can beans for me) and I put them in a pot of boiling water. Next I added a few special things to them for taste..... 1. Two Tablespoons of Worchestershire sauce. 2. A dash of salt. 3. two dashes of pepper...one black and one red. 4. One dash of Mesquite powder. 5. Two dashes and a dot of chili powder. 6. Half a handfull of diced onions. Now after the beans are done I will brown some hamburger meat with chili powder cooked into it and make a big pot of rice. I will add the meat to the beans and serve it over a bed of rice, accompanied by a big pan of homemade cornbread...I even use the old iron skellet to make the cornbread...also no mix, just from scratch. NOW IS THAT A MEAL OR WHAT! I can eat on this for three days and then use what's left to make a mulligan stew! So there you have it....a positive entry today showing that I ain't all that helpless when left alone! I would like to take a moment here to thank my good buddy, PlannerDan  for his great blog entry yesterday: "Invalid Entry" in which he offered me some sage advise and also made me hurt myself laughing.Sadly, there was one piece of advise he gave which I was unable to follow: I just can't stay away from daytime TV...in fact, I really have to run now cause Dr. Phil is about to come on, followed by Ophra...Sorry Dan, I just couldn't resist! So in closing just let me leave a note for my wife: You go ahead, honey and have fun getting your toes massaged by those young, good-looking dudes, I am just fine here COOKING in your kitchen and maybe later I might even knit me a pair of socks! SO THERE! HA! |
| Day 2 of the Vacation Blues: Well last night will go down in the annals of vacation histories as a night from hell. Now normally I retire to the boudoir about nine o'clock in the evening, watch a little stimulating transmission from my television (military channel or History channel) then turn out the lights and drift seamlessly into the deep slumber of the innocent and the just. Last night, however was just a tad different. I discovered an alarming truth: A king-sized bed was not meant to sleep in alone. There was just too much room, no head laying on my shoulder, no hand to hold mine, not to mention no one to fight over the remote. SLEEP ELUDED ME! Finally, around two this morning, I finally collapsed into a light coma out of sheer exhaustion. Unfortunately this blissful state was interrupted, about two hours later. There I was, dreaming a wonderful dream.....I was a world famous author. I was rich and famous and my legions of fans were clamoring at my door, begging me to open up and share some of my time with them so that they might bask in the glow of my writing genius...Then I woke up and discovered that the "clamoring" of which I was dreaming of was actually THREE DOGS SCRATCHING AT THE DOOR AND DEMANDING ATTENTION! GAWD! I staggered out of bed and threw open my bedroom door only to have all three "kids" fall into the room with me. I was immediately surrounded and covered with puppy-kisses all over my bare feet and legs, accompanied by complaining whines from all three dogs whose bladders seemed to be about to burst. I stumbled into the dining room and opened the back door to let them outside to do their "business" but what about me? You see, I have this little quirk, once I wake up, or am awakened by others and then once I get out of bed....THAT'S IT, I can not go back to bed and go to sleep. I am up for the day. So there I sat, feeling miserable and still exhausted but unable to sleep. The dogs did their thing then scratched at the door to be let back inside so of course I let them in. I made a pot of coffee and sat down at the computer to check my mail and answer emails, then I read some early blogs. I noticed, after the dogs came in, that they didn't quiet down like they usually do after being outside. Instead they kept pacing around the house and ever so often they would head down the hall toward the bedroom. They would bark and growl at each other and just generally annoy me as I tried to read. I couldn't figure out what their problem was and then it dawned on me.....Mel usually gets up early in the morning with me as I work early and she doesn't go into work until the afternoon. She usually lets the dogs out that first time and they don't come back inside until after I leave. So you see...the dogs were telling on Mel. They let me know her secret: After I leave for work each day, SHE AND THE DOGS GO BACK TO BED!!! I thought to test this theory so I got up from my desk and started back to the bedroom....sure enough, all three dogs fell in behind me as if to say: "WELL IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!" I got to the bedroom and opened the door...the dogs almost knocked me down running through the doorway. By the time I managed to enter the room and shut the door, Molly and Sherman were happily ensconced upon the bed on MY side and little Rocky was standing on his back legs, front legs up on the bed in a vain effort to climb aboard with the rest of them. Okay, I know when I'm beat. I bowed to the inevitable and picked Rocky up and tossed him on the bed next to his two partners then I climbed back to bed and turned on the TV. Within five minutes all three dogs were sound asleep....I WAS LAYING THERE WIDE AWAKE! So now I know what Mel does after I go to work...her and the pooches take over my bed! I am suitably mortified at this whole turn of events, I don't mind tell you. ********************************************************* Okay, as if things couldn't get any worse, I just got off the phone to Mel. She called while I was composing my blog and wanted to share her day so far. Seems she and the "girls" have spent the day in town shopping then getting a manicure and a pedicure at a local spa. They even had these young good looking guys there to massage there legs as they got their dang toenails trimmed! She just had to let me know that they were taking a small break from shopping, so she had time to call little ole me, then they were off to the wedding rehearsal and dinner to be followed by an outing to a local Comedy Club! NOW WHERE THE HECK DOES IT SAY SHE IS ALLOWED TO HAVE ALL THIS FUN.......All this while I sit at home and eat peanut butter sammiches...IS THERE NO JUSTICE? More to come..... |
| Well, the vacation has begun! Mel left this morning for the airport in Houston and as I write this blog entry, my sweetie is sitting in Dulles airport in Washington D.C. waiting for her connecting flight to Pittsburg, then from there, her connecting flight to Watertown, NY. Oh, and I gotta tell you this one..... When I got home today Mel was just landing in Washington so after I put the dogs out in the back yard I grabbed the phone and dialed her cell number. Well, she finally answers the thing (it rang like five times!) and I said: "HI HONEY!" In my most excited, little boy voice. "Hi sweetie," she said in a rush. "Can you call me back in ten minutes, I'm talking to CC". TALKING TO CC?????????? GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! No sooner does she get outta sight than she calls that buckethead! Now can you guys see why I take every opportunity to bash that turkey? He is such a suck-up he even has my own dear Mel gushing over him! OKAY...BREATHE.....AHHH, THAT'S BETTER....... Now, Mel will be in NY tonight and plans on spending the night at a hotel then going over to her son's house tomorrow to get all ready for the big event so I know she will be reading this blog entry. So, therefor, I have decided to use this entry to send her a message...sort of...LOL! Mel? Sweetie, snookums, sugar britches (she's gonna kill me) I just want to tell you how much I love you and I miss you terribly already. Oh and I just wanted to let you know that when you get home I don't want you paying any attention to the dang Fire Chief who said he was gonna call you. The man lies. It wasn't done on purpose, it was just a silly accident...besides, there isn't near as much fire damage as there was smoke and water damage from those careless firemen. Did you know you have to take those dang pizzas out of the box BEFORE you put them in the oven? Who Knew! Oh yeah, and there was a little mishap with Harry the hampster....don't worry, the vet said he would be fine. IT WASN'T MY FAULT! I decided to have some quality time with the "kids" and I orginized a little soccor game with the dogs on one team and the cats on the other team. Well we needed a ball and wouldn't you know it, just about that time Harry managed to "escape" from his cage...problem solved! If you are interested, the dogs won. Well the cats had a chance to win but they stopped playing and tried to eat the ball....go figure. The Vet did a bang up job patching poor Harry up and you hardly notice his limp now. Just think, sweetie, this is only the first day...just wait until tomorrow! I LOVE YOU, MY HEART. BE SAFE AND HURRY HOME TO ME (while we got a home)  . |
| Several things are happening in my household over the next 10 days...some of it good and some of it totally sucking in nature. First off, tomorrow I work 7am to 3pm...the early shift instead of the late shift for Thursday! Second: Tomorrow is my last day at work for 9 whole days! That's right, boys and girls...I'M GOING ON VACATION!!!! Nine days of no WalMart, no Door Greeting, no obnoxious customers, just peace and quiet. Sounds great doesn't it....well the first four days of it is gonna suck pond slime! Why? You ask. Damn, I'm glad you asked that. Because the first four days of my vacation Mel will be gone to New York (state, not city) without me. I WILL BE HOME ALONE (well, me and the animals). You see, Mel's son, Richard and his wife Lindsey plan on renewing their vows and having a big formal wedding to do it. They were first married about six years ago when Richard was stationed in Alaska and none of the family could make it to that one. So, now they have decided to do it over and have the whole family attend. When they first told us what they wanted to do, Mel and I both planned on going to the wedding. About a month ago Mel looked into tickets and they were around $450 dollars each, round trip...we figured we could swing that along with hotel fees and food and stuff so we figured it was a "Go". Well, a couple of weeks ago Mel got online to book our airline tickets and guess what...the damn tickets had gone from $450 to $850 each! Well that was just a bit too steep for us. No way both of us could make that trip so, since Richard is Mel's only child and wild horses couldn't keep her away this time...she is making the trip alone and I will be home babysitting our "children". I hate this. I hate being alone, without her. This from a man who, just six short years ago was quite happy with any chance to be alone....I thrived on the solitude. Not anymore, now I am like a fish out of water without her here with me. THIS SUCKS. Well, like I said....I am off for 9 days and Mel is gone for four of them.....the last five days will be used "catching up"! LOL! On a final bright note....this time off means I will be able to turn my full attention to CC and this little adventure HE CAME UP WITH! That part of it should be quite interesting.....FOR CC! So that's it....tomorrow when I come home from work it will be to an empty house....well empty of my baby anyway, the dang dogs and cats will be here. Okay, I am already starting to get down.... Tell me, when half your heart walks out the door, how does the other half survive until its return? |
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Congrats on 500 entries, and we are all looking forward to the sequel.