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 |  Breaking the laws of blogging, one entry at a time. |
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Wanted: For repeated blog faux pas, including, but not limited to: Obsessive ranting - guilty on 92 counts. Repeatedly beating a dead horse - guilty on 17 counts. Unnecessary use of curse words - guilty on 142 counts. Boring daily recounts - guilty on 45 counts. Pointless entries - guilty on 214 counts. Contradictory statements - guilty on 72 counts. Recounting toilet actions - guilty on 15 counts. Overdramatization of insignificant things - guilty on 152 counts. Overreacting to meaningless gestures - guilty on 22 counts. Unnecessary temper tantrums - guilty on 75 counts. Cruelty towards animals, superiors, peers, and inferiors - guilty on 146 counts. Repeated bad grammar, spelling, and opinionations - guilty on 214 counts. Suspect is considered armed and dangerous. Do not confront directly, instead call the authorities and slowly back away. Do not provoke suspect, as she is easy to agitate. The best action to take is to smile and nod. Any other response could lead suspect to rant and rave for days without ceasing. REWARD OFFERED FOR CAPTURE Dead or alive. Offending evidence: ![Merit Badge in Journaling
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| Jason and I are at each others' throats today. Everything he says rubs me the wrong way. The dogs need to be washed and have needed to be washed for a week now. They stink to high heaven. And he keeps putting off giving them baths for one reason or another. I've banished them from being in the same room as me because they smell that bad and he says I'm punishing them for something they can't help. No, I'm not punishing them. If he can't stand to see them sitting in the other room staring in at us like they want to be in here, then he should fucking wash them. If he wants them to be able to sleep in our bedroom, he needs to give them baths. It's that simple. Then I went to take a shower this morning and I asked him to get Ethan dressed while I was in the shower. All he did was sit on his lazy ass and watch TV while our son ran amock all over the living room. He is just irritating me. He isn't spending any time with Ethan or paying any attention to him. Then he criticizes me because I didn't help him change a diaper. I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't realize that I was allowed to call him at work every afternoon in order to make him come home and help me change a diaper. I change plenty of fucking diapers all day long without his help. Why does he need mine? I told him that he's about 5 seconds away from me finding my own place. I've been offered 2 full time jobs within KPS in the past week, so if I wanted to I could get one easily. I'm not going to live with him and feel like a single mother when I could live on my own, not deal with his shit, and feel the same way. To be honest, I'm just venting, and I know that part of the attitude problem is me, but I don't care. I'm tired of dealing with him. I could care less how he feels about dealing with me right now. |
| I think my job might need more hours than 20 in a week, even though the budget doesn't allow it. I have a to-do list a mile long for the meeting on the 22nd and I'm not sure if I'll have enough time to get everything done by next Friday. I'm pretty sure that it will end up in my bringing work home over the course of the week to get done and not getting paid for it. What else can I do, though? I have to get this stuff done. Along with the mile-long list for the 22nd, I have a 2-mile long list of things to get done in general, along with my normal daily tasks (the transportation requests, answering the phone until the secretary starts, tracking student data in the database and adding pertinent information to my own). Some things can be ticked off as I have the time, but other things need to be done as soon as possible. I can definitely see why my boss has said that she is starting to feel burnt out. Her job is incredibly demanding and definitely something that requires an assistant all of the time. It's too bad that the grant can only fit a half-time salary in it, otherwise there is so much more that I would be able to get done for her. I need to send some photos over to the printer and to buy some frames this weekend to hang in my office. I have a lot of great scenics from around Kalamazoo that I'd love to display, along with photos of Ethan, of course, and of our family. Next week is going to suck big monkey balls. I'm hoping that I can spend this weekend relaxing and recouping energy before the big bomb drops and all hell breaks loose while I'm trying to get everything prepared. At least I won't have to bake the muffins and brownies until Sunday night. That's one less thing I'll have to worry about during the week. |
Work has been hella busy. I missed Monday because I had a stomach bug of some kind (or, as GoCartCherub- St Louis U  suggests, it was probably an adverse reaction to something I ate). I spent most of the day puking out of both ends or sleeping. My mother-in-law watched Ethan for 1/2 the day still, thankfully, so I could get the extra rest.Since I got back to work on Tuesday, things have been so busy. I've been going nonstop, trying to get everything together for our big meeting on the 22nd. We also had a meeting on Wednesday that I got about 1 day of notice about. That went well, although I didn't have enough time to get everything together that would have made me look like an organizational goddess. But I had just gotten back from an 11-day break the day before, so all things considering I should probably look pretty goddess-like to my boss. I got my office furniture today! How exciting! And my voice mail set up for my office phone. Now I just need a new headset for my phone so I can actually use it from within my office, and a computer so I can stop sitting at the secretary's station. I may have also hunted down my Access book. We'll find out, though, because K.M. was supposed to see J.B. today at Pfizer to find out if he grabbed it and brought it in today. I really hope so, because I need to do some V.B. programming within Access to be able to do some of the queries I will need and the reports they will output. It's been so long since I did any of that stuff that it's all fuzzy in my head. I also told my boss I was pregnant on Tuesday. She was surprised, but I told her it shouldn't affect my work at all. I can plan doctor's appointments for after work, although I may have an occasional ultrasound early in the morning just because then I don't have to deal with waiting forever to go to the bathroom and feeling like I'm going to piss my pants. Twenty minutes after telling her that news, she told me she was putting her house up for sale and, if she could sell it by March, she is going to retire. Then she asked me if I would be interested in her job. I told her that if she sold her house, we would revisit the conversation at that time, and in the meanwhile, I would think about it. Her job is a full time, 12 month job. I'd get like 4 weeks of vacation a year, or some insane amount like that, so I'd be able to still spend time with my family, but I don't know. I'm apprehensive about committing to a job like that because it would require a lot more energy than I'm willing to commit today. A month or two from now, however, might show a change in the situation and my feelings. I really like my job and I really like my boss. I also like the not-so-new person who moved to our office on the 8th. C is a really nice person and she helps get J.B. motivated to get stuff done in the office, even moreso than I do. I finally have office furniture because of her, so that has to account for something! Alright. That's enough, for now. Work has been so hectic, both on the computer and off, that I just haven't felt like doing anything when I get home, other than take a nap and vegetate. Sometimes I call terryjroo, too, just so that someone knows I'm still alive. I have things to get done on here, reviews that I owe, and I'm going to start on them this weekend. Right now, though, I need to get something to eat. I've been eating just about non-stop, it seems. If I don't eat every 2 hours or so, I throw up, regardless of the Zofran. It's kind of annoying, since I can't get rid of my Weight Watchers mentalities where I don't eat after 8 p.m. and anything other than fruits and vegetables for my snacks. If I don't eat some kind of protein, though, I get maybe an hour before I have to eat again otherwise I get sick. My favorite thing has been turkey sandwiches. I went to the natural food store and got some preservative-free turkey meat, since I'm actually supposed to be avoiding foods with a high preservative content, like lunch meats. I can't eat chewy bread though. It makes me barf, so I have had to toast everything until it's well-done. OK. I said I was going to stop about 2 paragraphs ago. So I'm stopping. |
| I've been having the strangest, most detailed dreams lately. When they start, everything involved is usually a mass of chaos, and then the dream slowly starts to become lucid and I control the story. Before I realize it, I'm actually wide awake, thinking the next parts of the dream in my head. It's kind of cool to be able to dream like that, but it has made the amount of sleep I get during the night decline. That wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't dreaming like this almost every night. I usually realize I'm awake not too long after I've somehow awakened myself, and then I have to get up and go pee. When I look at the clock, the time is usually somewhere around 3:30 in the morning, and I can't get back to a true sleep. I'm going to forego a nap today just to see if it'll make me sleep better tonight, especially since I go back to work next week. I'll need all of the rest I can get before then. If only I can remember all of the details of each dream, I'd have one hell of a short story notebook started. Even though I'm awake, I usually forget the details not long after I've gotten up to use the toilet. I can remember some sketchy details of one or two, but for the most part, it's like watching and then directing a movie and forgetting the plot as soon as the credits begin to roll. I don't know how long I can take these interruptions in my sleep. If it keeps up, I might ask my midwife for some Ambien or something so that once my light turns out, it stays out. It's not that I mind all of the lucid dreams, because I don't. It's that once my mind gets going, it won't turn back off, even if it's still dark outside and the rest of my house is still sleeping. I want my light to go out and not turn back on until 6:30 a.m. at least. That's all I'm asking for! |
| Ethan was watching Noggin this morning, and I typically sit and discuss things that are going on with him. Henrietta, a Spanish-speaking worm, has a little segment where she discusses the Spanish words for certain colors and also uses the word "gracias" when talking to Moose A. Moose and Zee. I got Ethan to say "azule," the word for blue, though he couldn't pronounce roho or verde very well. Then Henrietta said, "gracias" to Moose and I asked Ethan, "Can you say, 'gracias?'" Ethan turned to me, smiled, and said, "Thank-ooo!" I haven't been able to get him to do it since, so I don't know if it was a fluke or if he understands some Spanish. Either way, it was too funny. My reply was, "De nada." I don't think he knew what that meant. |
| Just one baby floating around in there, thank you very much. My uterus just has a very good memory, is all. I do have an ovarian cyst, but the OB said that was a common occurance in early pregnancy and that it usually goes down. He did say that they'll probably do another ultrasound in 2 months or so to make sure it's going down, but that it's nothing to worry about in the meantime. Everything else measures to my due-date, other than my uterus is just a little big. The baby's due date, according to the ultrasound, is only 1 day off, so the due date will stay the same. It was saying August 7 instead of August 8, but whatever. I got to hear the little heartbeat, though there isn't much to see yet. At barely an inch long, he or she isn't quite big enough to be anything more than a blob that resembles a human form on the ultrasound screen. Ethan thought it was pretty exciting to see the baby in Mommy. "Baby in Mommy," he kept saying. It was so cute! |
| Oh, my dear gussy! I had my doctor's appointment this afternoon, wherein I had a pelvic exam and all that good stuff. Heather gave me a perscription for more Zofran, for which I am grateful, and I have to have an ultrasound tomorrow. But why, you ask, would I need an ultrasound at 9 weeks pregnant? Well, when doing my pelvic exam, she determined that my uterus is measuring too large for only 9 weeks along. This can only be caused by a few things. 1) I am farther along than 9 weeks. But when using the doppler, she couldn't find a heartbeat, which is consistant with my due date and being 9 weeks along. Most often, a heartbeat can't be heard by the doppler until at least 10 weeks, sometimes as far along as 12 weeks. Plus, my first day of last menstrual cycle is accurate. 2) My uterus is just popped early, which is possible, since this is my second pregnancy. I'm really hoping that this is the case, because the last option terrifies me, and that option is: 3) I'm pregnant with multiples, which would also explain why my uterus is measuring approxamitely 12-14 weeks along and no heartbeat is heard on the doppler. My ultrasound is tomorrow morning at 9:30 a.m. I am absolutely terrified to have it because I do not want to find out I'm pregnant with twins, triplets, or any other kind of -lets. I'm a one-baby-delivering kind of woman. Please let me just have a fat uterus. Please let me just have a fat uterus. Please let me just have a fat uterus. |
| I've figured something out today about the mall: 1. It makes people stupid when it comes to parking. Not only do they forget how to pull into a parking space and park between the lines, but they also forget that you have to pull all the way IN to a parking space in order to be legally parked. 2. It makes people stupid when it comes to driving through a parking lot. Cutting across lanes is technically illegal. Either way, they're there for a reason, and that is not to cut across them. I guess when they figure out how to actually park in the spaces, they'll stop using the parking spaces for driving lanes. 3. It makes people stupid when it comes to pedestrian laws. Seeing someone who is getting ready to use the crosswalk to get from the parking lot to the mall does not warrant speeding up in order to beat them to the crosswalk. This goes doubly if the pedestrian is anyone with a loaded stroller. 4. Not only does it make people stupid in the rules of driving, but it also makes them ignorant in the ways of walking. If someone is walking too slow for your tastes, it is OK to speed up and go around them, but it is rude to walk next to them like they're there with you for several minutes and then decide to say, "excuse me," as though the person you're saying, "excuse me," to is inconveniencing you. 5. People forget that strollers take up extra lane space and that those pushing strollers cannot necessarily stop on a dime. Don't like that I just hit you in the heels with my stroller? Don't pass me because I'm walking too slow and then, once immediately in front of me, put on your feet brakes and stop. My reflexes are good, but not that good. 6. If someone apologizes to someone else for hitting their heels when the second person stopped short in front of the first, it apparently is customary to roll your eyes and call the runner-into-er a bitch and stomp off as an acceptance to the apology. 7. If you see a woman walking to get into a line in order to pay for something, especially if she has a stroller, it is appropriate behavior to run as fast as you can to the checkout line so you can get in front of her. I'm telling you, I hate the mall. But I needed one of those pregnancy bands for my pants. My buttons are starting to pain me and there's no way you're going to see me putting on maternity pants just yet. I'm not even showing! I'm just not as comfortable as I was a couple of weeks ago when my pants were zipped and buttoned. If there were another maternity store that sold them anywhere else, that's where I would have gone. But there's not, so I had to. I hate the mall. |
| Good things! Good things! First, to kittiara, a big thanks. I wasn't expecting anything today, let alone a second drawing for her drawing thing, and I won. Me, who never wins anything, and I won something. I guess I can't say that I never win anymore now. Thanks, Kitti! This is what I got from the drawing: Then, I've been watching the Rose Bowl because... well we're football kind of people. I wasn't too worried about USC winning against Michigan, but sometimes you never know what teams will come to play. USC, of course, didn't disappoint, obliterating Michigan 32-18. Yes, that is obliterated, compared to the other bowl games. The Trojans basically shoved Michigan's running game up its ass and told them where to take it. Michigan waited too long to bring in the passing game, and USC answered every time UofM scored. I love the sweet smell of a Michigan defeat. I can't help it. That team always has something to whine about, another team to call over rated, but they couldn't even keep up with USC. Couldn't even keep up! Woot! My mood swings are insane right now. One minute happy, the next raging angry, the next in pure jubilation. Call me pregnant, I guess. |
| I am sick and tired of being the only person in my family who seems to have a sense of limits and self responsibility. Where the hell did I ever get it from? It sure wasn't something I learned along the way from them. First of all, my father is an ass. What's new there? Nothing. He has always been, and always will be an ass. Every single day, I'm reminded more and more of just how assinine he is. Jason gave him a row boat a few months back because it was just sitting in our back yard, taking up space. He wasn't using it, so figured he would give it to someone who would. My father said he was interested, so Jason gave it to him, asking nothing in return, other than that he came and picked it up. Fast forward a few months, and he still hasn't used the boat. No skin off my back, but my youngest sister had said to me that she wished we had offered the boat to her and her boyfriend because they would have used it by now. I told her she should mention it to Mom, and that Mom could probably talk our father into letting her have the boat, or at least use it. So my father, being the selfish, greedy prick that he is, offers to trade Cassandra for the boat. Not give it to her to use, but trade it in order to benefit himself. It's not like that boat cost him anything, and it's not like it was some precious possession that he was using at ALL. It would be one thing if he sold the boat to someone else, but wonders never fucking cease to exist, since he traded it to my sister. It's not like he would be out anything by giving it to her. He didn't pay anything for it in the first damned place. Then, my Mom told me that Kimberly is coming home because she found out that working on a farm is too hard. What the fuck?! Of course working on a farm is hard! What did you think it was going to be? A walk in the goddamned park? And my Mom is all happy to let her come home and live off her again. She's already been sending her spending money every week, among other care packages and things like that. Why am I the only one who sees that Kimberly is never, ever going to figure out how to take care of herself? My Mom always bitches about my uncle Tom and how he's a deadbeat and does nothing but bleed my grandparents dry, but Kimberly isn't much better. Why is it OK for her to leech of her if it isn't OK for Tom to leech of my grandparents? Does anything else see this as wrong besides me? I'm so sick of being the only one who seems to understand that things shouldn't be abandoned just because they're too hard. I'm sick of being the only one who sees things through, even if it's not what I thought it would be in the first place. I'm sick of being the only one who tries to take care of her life without expecting someone to bale me out. I said to my Mom that she's letting Kimberly get out of her responsibilities to herself too easily. "Well, she's having a hard time getting along with one of her room mates." Boo-fucking-hoo! If I ran away every time I didn't get along with someone, I'd spend my entire fucking life running away. If you can't get along, you find a way to tolerate each other. If you can't tolerate each other, then you come to an understanding that make it possible for you to stay out of each other's way. Give me a fucking break. All of them. On days like this, I don't want to talk to any of those motherfuckers. I'll stick with Jason's family any day. At least they don't make excuses for each other and don't try to screw the rest of their family by being selfish jerks. They take responsibility for their own actions, and while they support each other, they don't give anyone a free fucking ride. |
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Whatever you do, hang in there, he'll be sleeping like a big boy in no time!