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 |  Zee Journal! |
| My blog. Journal. Documentary. Life. Sometimes. |
| I have just joined the Cubicle Nation. Today, and the rest of this week barring the actual sit down with a real working debt collector, has been dedicated to training. This meaning we pretty much sit and listen for 8 hours. I feel like I'm back in High School, but with even more boring topics of discussion. On a sour note, the clothes I was wearing were not appopriate work attire. I can't wear pants that have any more seams than are necessary. I tend to wear Dickie's with an extra seam about the middle of my calf. So, I figured why not just go the whole nine yards and purchase myself a greater variety of button down shirts. In the end I have practically spent my first paycheck on clothes(okay, not that much, but enough to make me wince and wait impatiently for my Birthday/Christmas money). Anyways...I am off to bed early again. Hope you all are having a pleasant Monday. |
| Just got back from seeing the Harry Potter movie. A lot of my friends warned me prior to seeing it that I should not have read the book first. I can understand why they felt that way. I however knew that with the ever expanding length of the books that more and more would be cut from future movies. What makes me sad, and this might be my own personal taste, is the lack of character development steadily falling into the movies. There is so much ground to cover that you hardly see the characters grow. Granted, I would say that 75% of the theater audience had already read the novel, and were merely there to see their favorite scenes brought to life, but I couldn't help but to feel that for those who haven't read the novels it gives a very shallow view of the characters. For instance: they made Hermoine into nothing more than a simpering teenage girl who seemed incapable of standing on her own. After I got out of the movie I noticed that Shauna was trying to reach me. I called her back and she came over the line questioning when I was going to be coming home. I told her that since it was just me that saw it that I would be home soon. I get home, fixed the DVD player(When will they learn to plug it into the right place?!) and then promptly climbed up the stairs and hid myself within my room. Five minutes later Shauna comes knocking at my door. "Come downstairs and help us put the tree up." "Umm...no." I reply. This isn't a tradition I take great pleasure in, especially after the events that transpired yesterday upon my return home. After a few minutes of heated pleading and refusal she turned to leave. "Your mom is in a good mood today." She said, making a last ditch effort. "I don't care. I'm sick of acting like nothing is wrong." This was my last comment, with which caused her to leave promptly. I am truly sick of acting like nothing is wrong. Shauna wants to make sure that I leave this house on good terms with both of my parents. I understand that, but I'm just not ready to go jumping out the day after things exploded and just keep a half-hearted smile upon my face as I throw things atop the tree with her. Ugh. On a brighter note I finished Order of the Phoenix last night and I have started my run through of Half-Blood Prince. ~Shakes his fist at Rowling~ |
| kelly1202 gave my blog an Awardicon. How fricken sweet is that? I feel loved. |
| Well, Shauna and I put in our application for our apartment. Things were kind of shakey there, little did I know that they wouldn't allow Full Time Students live there. Granted, I'm not in school at this moment, but I plan on returning. They, however, don't care. So....luckily Shauna isn't a full time and so we were still able to do it. We actually got to see the place we were going to move into. Really excited about it. Yet, like in all stories, I have to be a douche bag in some way or another... Earlier today I took my mother's business debit card. The one that technically I am entitled to use. I didn't have enough money in my account to pay for all of the initial holding costs and such, because I won't receive a paycheck from my job until two weeks from now. However, I didn't tell my mother. I've been dreading having to tell her about all of this. The last time I moved out of the house she kind of freaked out, and I wasn't sure I wanted to bring this up to her until I knew that it was final. She called wondering where her card was. I had previously asked my father if I could borrow the money and he said to just take it out of there until I could pay it back. Well. that isn't what was told to my mom. In normal fashion he covered his ass by telling my mom that the reason I was moving out, and was afraid to do so, was because my counselor had wanted me to get as far away from the house as possible(which is true). You can imagine where this led... I came home and was promptly screamed at for a couple of minutes before I escaped upstairs. Fuck me sideways. Nothing can ever be simple. |
| So, I got the job I was applying for. I now work for a Home Loan Collections Agency. I'm that annoying son-of-a-bitch that calls you when you don't got my bosses money. I'm sorry if I have to call any of you, but bitches better got my money. Anyways... Went to my Psychiatrist for the first time today. I'm still adjusting to my phone and didn't set the alarm properly. I woke up 5 minutes before I was supposed to be there. Thankfully she had enough generosity in her heart to allow my retarded ass in. Anyways, I'm on Zoloft now. I'm slowly working up on it. Grabbing food. Talk to you all soon |
| I know I shouldn't be stopping, because I'm only going to kill my momentum, but I really needed a moment to kind of defuddle my brain. Since my break up with Marne I really haven't cleaned my room. It's like a mine field of old reminders and screaming torment. Yet, I find myself in this mode I was a very long time ago where I'm at a point that old memories need to be thrown away and left to nothing more than memories. Physical reminders have got to go. There are a few posessions I'm not sure I will get rid of though. The pieces I am talking about are the small statues Marne bought me for birthday/Christmas presents. I have a minituare of the Alien from Aliens, Spider-Man in his black costume, and two statues of Miar Link(sp?) from an Anime called Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. The last two pieces are the most heart wrenching, and possibly ironic, of the set. The first statue I received of this character was one that took nearly a year for me to get after Christmas. The company was so backlogged on them that Marne didn't actually get it to me until she came up to see me in the following August in Chicago. She brought it up to Chicago just to give it to me, so that I could see she wasn't lying(an inside joke at the time). The statue is a scene from the movie in which Miar Link is holding his soon to be bride underneath his cloak. His left arm is outstretched, showing a horrible scabbed looking gauntlet on his hand. The scene is haunting, and I can't help but to feel that Marne most likely looks back to me as something akin to this vampire. There were a few times during our relationship when she wouldn't say it outright, but you could tell by the way she would talk about it, or look at me, or in the subject she would bring it up, where she felt I was holding her back, or causing her to lose her footing on the path of what she wanted to do. I dunno, it feels like she probably did look at me as a form of motivational vampire. Hell, even I feel like said vampire. I crave for her, or someone like her. For some reason I feel like I need another strong person in my life like that, who is that close. To be disgustingly honest, I would love to feed off of someone's motivation for a while to help motivate me. One of the many reasons I'm in counseling. When I was cleaning out my closet I stumbled upon one of her pictures. The first picture I had ever received from her. It was her Senior Picture. It was weird, because I kind of held it in my hand for a moment. My heart fell into my stomach, and then down in my bladder, like it usually does and my mind said to my heart: "Cry if you need to." All my heart did was throw the picture in the trash with the other memories. For a while it was like a parent chasing after a child. "You can cry if you need to. Just do it if it will make you feel better." My heart would not entertain the thought for a second. So, I decided maybe if I sat down for a bit it would happen, or somehow I would gain another understanding. Yet, for some reason, it feels like stomping your foot on disturbed soil after you have finished filling a hole. I dunno. Doesn't make sense. On a funny note, I had to go through a "Self-Defeating Belief Test" for my counseling session tomorrow. Ya...if that thing is right, then I'm pretty much mush. That isn't what is funny though. My dad stopped me on the way out of my house this morning and asked, "Could you get another one of those tests from your counselor?" I asked, "Why?" "Well, sometimes we all deal with things like this." I simply nodded and walked out. Could my father possibly be admitting he needs some form of counseling? Help? Support? I'm pretty sure the day that happens Hell will freeze over, Hitler will become the President of the United States, and Kurt Kobain will begin doing covers of Brittany Spears at some Lounge Lizard in the sky. Stay tuned. |
| Why does Billy Corgan have to be such a douche bag? Even if he is putting the Smashing Pumpkins back together, it will never quite be the same. Control freak, that one is. If I was James Iha or Darcy I would tell him to shove it up his ass. Or Melissa if he doesn't want Darcy back. On the docket this week is as follows: Tuesday - Counselor appointment. Wednesday - Psychiatrist Appointment and Job Interview. Today is the day of reckoning. A day in which the slate shall be clean. The planets will come into alignment and all will either be saved or destroyed. By all of this I mean I'm going to clean my room. It's possible I may never come back. If I don't, wear some black socks or something. Talk to you all soon. |
| My extended family has invaded my home once more. Because my extended family has invaded once more, I am left to clean the house once more. It's kind of lame. I don't even care for my extended family. Plus or minus some. My Uncle Steve is one of the few people I look forward to. My hip still hurts. I now know what it must be like to be some old man that is pelted by a baseball in the hip through one of his many musty glass windows. I want to yell, but have only myself to blame. Suffice to say: Vacuuming stairs, taking out trash, and the other mundane household chores are given a bit more flair when you feel like you should be getting the Senior Discount at Luby's. On the bright side I picked up the new Harry Potter book. I finished the Goblet of Fire yesterday, and I actually had it planned to begin re-reading "The Chronicles of Narnia", but god damn Rowling I can't focus on any other book. It's like crack. You people think a lot of youths killed themselves after Kurt Cobain's death? Throw that out the window. The moment those kids read the last sentence on the last page of the last book they're going to realize they don't have anything else to live for. I sure as hell know I don't. Anyways... Ring, ring, ring, ring...banana phone! |
| My handle will be changed for a bit. W.Com finds it okay to allow person to have a handle of TheKKK with a ghost icon, but Silver can't put his sexual orientation as 'bi' in his profile. It's bullshit, and I won't go quietly. |
| So...much...hurting. I went quad hopping in the Sand Dunes out in California with my two uncles and my cousin. It was my first time. I'll just cut to the chase and come to the pain: I was doing a bowl with my cousin and I was riding a larger quad than him. I couldn't turn quick enough and I hit a bit of a lip, got about four feet of air, and then got bounced off the bike. I fell face first, then hard on my side. I have a swollen right eye, bruised right ass cheek and side, and a cut up left hand. So much pain. When I got back, Crown Royal and Captain Morgan flowed openly. I was shit face and still nearly incapable of lying flat on my back. Going to rest. Nerrr |
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