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 |  ALL about me! My place to rant,rave, cry and laugh! |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** by Kiya WELCOME TO MY BLOG I joined WDC in December 2004 and have struggled with starting a blog. I made a list and it had just as many cons as I did pros. But finally I have decided to go for it. This blog is for me, about me and really when it's all said and done~~If you visit my place and you don't like it here, you don't have to be here! This is for me! To help me! This is my place to vent, rave, rant, cry, laugh and say whatever I need to say! I think we all have personal truths. This blog is to help me find my personal truth, deal with my personal truths, let go of some of my personal truths and build on my personal truths! Personal Truth are those thoughts and actions which lead to a feeling of well-being. I think there has to be accountability in order for truth to be found in a personal way. I think all means of self-discovery are valid. I hope my blog helps me with this. Tammy ![Merit Badge in Inner Strength
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| We all have these kind of days...I don't even know why half the time.... This song says it better than I can. Outside 'And you Bring me to my knees Again All the times That I could beg you please In vain All the times That I felt insecure For you But I leave My burdens at the door But I'm on the outside And I'm looking in I can see through you See your true colors 'Cause inside your ugly Your ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you All the times That I felt like this won't end Was for you And I taste What I could never have It's from you All the times That I've tried My intentions Full of pride But I waste More time than anyone But I'm on the outside And I'm looking in I can see through you See your true colors 'Cause inside your ugly Your ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you All the times That I've cried All this wasted It's all inside And I feel All this pain Stuffed it down It's back again And I lie Here in bed All alone I can't mend But I feel Tomorrow wil be OK But I'm on the outside And I'm looking in I can see through you See your true colors 'Cause inside your ugly Your ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you' Staind |
 I'm so glad it's the weekend.... Don't look~~I'm doing the happy dance! My son has a b-ball tournament later this afternoon, here in town! Other than that, I have no committments!! I have been reviewing all morning, trying to catch up with my weekly contest..but I have enjoyed it, the entries were all great. I'll pick the winners later and send off the prizes. I bought a new book yesterday and have read a few chapters of it. It's good and I plan on reading more if it this weekend. Memoirs of a Geisha, (I want to see the movie too.) No school work for me...I need the break! It's taking less than 2 weeks for me to figure out that I can't keep working full time and going to school full-time! So I cut back on my work schedule for next month. I think that will help. I talked to one of my best friends last night, (my ex-brother-n-law,) he lives in Washington. Talking with him about my Texas trip, I realised I hadn't called any of my family since coming back. A few emails here and there but no phone-calls...I felt bad...going to call a few of them tonight. As we were talking about things the good the bad and the ugly..he starts griping at me..He thinks that I don't give myself enough credit..especially where my kids are concerned...(He thinks his niece and nephew are the greatest kids!)I reminded him that he isn't always around them!!! But he credits me with their behavior and attitudes that they have about life, since I have always been their biggest influence and have supported them in all they do. I tend to have doubts about my decisions where my kids are concerned..from the little things to moving them 1,000 miles from their Dad and family. He also pointed out that I don't open up to people and give them a chance to know me. (This because the relationship I am in has become dormant and we are roommates splitting the bills now. Which helps with the cost-of-living expenses! But makes for a lonely life at times...It's all my choice and this is what works for now.) He thinks I hide behind my insecurities and the raising of my kids (that I put everyone in front of me...) Anyway, he left me with some things to think on. He has always been one of my biggest supporters and encouragers and I know what he say is true...but it is hard to change sometimes! I think I have rambled enough. Off to feed these brats some breakfast. |
I fell asleep in Sociology lecture today! I don't think I missed anything...the prof. is spastic and gets side-tracked very easily...with an hour lecture he may give us 20 minutes on the topic that we're on. I think Wednesdays is my hardest day.....I have worked 3 nights, sleeping here and there each day around classes...And then I have a 3 hour class every Wed. night... Next month schedule~~I'm going to try not working on Wed. nights....maybe that will help some. ??Has anyone ever used the Writer's Workbench...if so is it worth the money to buy if for home?? Going to go try and sleep a litle. Have a good day~! |
| the week. I don't want the weekend to end. I have enjoyed doing absolutely nothing. I'm not ready for the week to start...school, work, juggling, organizing....etc. I need to get over it/new schedule...it's going to last until May. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I act like sh** dont phase me, Inside it drives me crazy My insecurities could eat me alive Eminem Proud member of the following groups: "The Cabin Five Fifteen Group"  "Invalid Item" "Invalid Item" "Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| This week was good. I'm getting a routine for school. Met a few people and starting to feel more comfortable in my classes. I have kept up with the reading asignments and have a test Tuesday that I feel I will do ok with! My housework/laundry and the kids have adjusted well. I have kept on top of the luandry and the housework. The kids have their chores and that helps some! My kids are both in middle school/Jr. High..whatever they call it now. That itself is really weird to me. To have 2 kids that age...makes me feel very old! Anyway, they had a Winter school dance last night...which Caitlyn is 11 and it was one of her first boy/girl dances!! Her friend came over and they got ready at our house..it was really weird watching them giggle and pick their clothes and paint their nails...My baby is getting so grown!! It's a little sad...My kids don't need me as much anymore. The dance lasted from 7p-9p and I was nervous the whole time it was going.... With Cody it's different, he's a boy and this is his 2nd year of Jr. high and ...well it's just different with boys. Which I can't believe I just admitted that...My parents done my brother and I the same way...he was younger than I and still got to do more...I always said I wouldn't treat my kids different because of their gender...I guees parents really know best! Have a great weekend everyone. |
| My email has been full of love! Full of congratulations, encouragement and support.... Thanks to everyone for all your support. I still feel weird..in shock. But very happy!! I have one night class every Wednesday...It's an English class but I had it in my head it was part speech too...I hate public speaking! I was totally worked up about it and dreading it. Come to find out it's not a speech class and the teacher even confirmed we wouldn't be doing any speeches!!! So I am so relieved about that...this class is about writing and reading. Punctuation/grammar....all right up my alley!! In Microbiology we were paired off today and had to write a brief paper, then give a speech about it Friday...so I bargain with my partner..I did all the writing and preparing and she will do the verbal... I'm so glad...that in each class...I'm NOT the oldest one...I was kind of worried about being the oldest and sticking out.... I know I'm weird and focus on weird things...but I guess my introverted self is coming out. I have been to all my classes at least once since school started on Tuesday...I have homework assignment or a reading assignment in all of them. I feel a little overwhelmed but I know once I get my routine going I should be okay... I am very routinish-person. I like organization and things to run smoothly...especially my life!! Sorry, I tend to ramble when I'm happy, tired, or nervous. I'm happy today!! Check out my first Mod sig...made by my good friend kelly1202 {kelly} ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| So, I had to blog today because someone TOLD me to....you know who you are~~~Trish!!! And I have to keep you happy~~you make me smile!! I'm Blue, a Mod......I'm in shock, I'm stunned, speechless, nervous, excited,...Well, you get the picture. I started back to school yesterday. Full time this semester...I'm hoping and stressing that I can juggle it all! I'm going to continue to work what I have been working...At work I can do my reading and homework so... I work 60-62 hours every 2 weeks and I hope to be able to continue. I did just pay off my biggest bill, a loan on my car. So if I have to cut back I could....Will see... I'm no longer anal about grades...I used to always have to have A's...I'll take B's now! So that takes some pressure off of me. Life is too short to worry about A's...I'm glad my kids don't read this. lol So I've rambled enough...this entry should last a few days... :) |
| I'm feeling very emotional today...and probably shouldn't even be in here writing. For the last 30 minutes I have fought tears but I don't know why I want to cry...they are just there. I have no idea what is wrong with me, which I think makes it worse.... I haven't been able to sleep the last few days. What sleep I get is full of dreams and nightmares at times. This comes and goes for me. I have tons of things running around in my head and I just can't settle down and sleep and then when I do, I have weird dreams about what is going through my head before sleep. Example...I wrote a poem the other day for a close friend here and included an image of a bear with it...because they like bears...needless to say I dream of a bear...the weird part..the bear is pulling a recliner into a fireplace..??WTFreak does that mean..lol...ok that dream was a little funny but...you get my point. onto lighter/better things Since coming back from vacation, I have been here a lot trying to catch up on everything before my school starts...well I am finally caught up...so that feels good. I went to yearly evaluation meeting at work today and got a pretty good raise! My kids are healthy. My house is clean. My bills are paid.(most of them!lol) .....I'm trying to talk myself/write myself around these feelings I'm having. I think it's help the pressure to cry is gone! |
| My muse visited last night while I was at work. :) I haven't written much in the last few months....some kind of block has been going on..... Just some thoughts on my visit home...
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| YEAH, I survived my Texas visit. Overall it was a great trip. Emotionally there were some ups and downs....more ups than downs so I can't complain. I got to visit with my family and saw my brother so that was all good. Closed some doors and opened a few.... So glad to be back....I spent about 20 minutes on the computer the whole 7 days I was gone....I had withdrawal symptoms form the computer and from WDC!!! Playing catch-up now...trying to get everything settled and ready for school. I start full-time on the 17th...I'm a little nervous but it has to be done....Everything that I want to be when I grow up...I have to have my RN first..then I can further the education a little more to get to where I really want. Hope all had a great Holiday....Have a great weekend. Tammy |
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